I am not the shyest person on earth, when I've been introduced to another person by someone else, or if they've introduced themselves to me, I get more comfortable and then I become more lively as a conversationalist and open about myself and that is of course when the connections begin to build. I haven't been in too many relationships for someone my age. None of them have lasted significantly long. But when it comes to introducing myself to strangers, which includes guys I wanna talk to, and especially women I'm interested in, I hesitate to initiate conversation. Sometimes (but not always) when I look over at a cute girl and she looks at me I sometimes quickly look away. I know this isn't the right thing to do, and I feel it is a natural reflex. This is actually the right time to start a conversation or say Hi. But it's like the awkward teenage years come back all over again. I believe I've turned down lots of opportunities because of this habit. When you try to meet strangers for the first time in public places, it is good to try and carry on a conversation of interest. The hesitation gets the most of me sometimes and I never feel up to do it. The only time I've ever had any success from building successful relationships with the opposite sex, just by approaching them in public settings, was when I was totally comfortable in my surroundings and I was already hanging out and having a good time with friends who've allowed me to relax and become more comfortable with myself at the time. But without my friends I have an approach anxiety and I am a shyer person. I've moved to a new city and I don't have that large circle of friends at my convenience like I once had. What are your methods for overcoming approach anxiety and becoming more comfortable with yourself in talking new people (especially attractive members of the opposite sex)?
I'm pretty sure that makes you a normal person. In fact, I think approaching strangers in most public places is creepy. Unless it's a place where people purposely go to meet new people. What specific situations are you thinking of? ---------------- If I'm in a suitable place, occasion, and mood (which is rare) the way I go about it is to look (not stare) at the girl's body when it's in front of me. I don't go craning my neck much, but neither do I avoid gazing at a woman's private parts when it feels natural to do so. And if she looks at me, then I'll switch my gaze to her eyes. It's sick that it has become such a methodical thing for me, but it has... That does two things for me; one, it lets her know that I'm physically interested without being invasive (I emphasize again that I don't stare nor crane my neck nor do I give her some creep smile). Two, it gives me the courage to initiate toward her. I also don't bullshit around. If I find her attractive, that's what I tell her; and say that I'm sorry to bother her, but I'd like to get to know her, how about we go get some ice cream or go to a coffee shop for 20 mins. And on the date I'll talk about us, and what we're looking for. I'm not a small-talker. But, I basically feel the way to meet women is among friends, who share some kind of interest together. Everything else is bound to be iffy... Peace. ------------------ Edit: One last thing to add; I decided long ago that I don't like to be the pursuer nor the pursued. The girl has to match my efforts to get to know her and meet me halfway, otherwise forget her. That's why I tend to call girls over, rather than going up to them. If I'm taking the trouble to initiate, I feel they should match my level of interest by coming over. Of course, I only motion to someone if we lock eyes. In that sense, I don't feel like what I do is an "approach." The word sort of connotes neediness and creepiness to me.
I'm usually an introverted person. At times i'am completely extroverted. I find when i'm in an introverted mood if I get less sleep than usual and drink too much coffee I become extremely talkative. A good tip. Get out of your comfort zone. When you see a cute girl you might be interested in and you both make eye contact. Smile. If she smiles back, then that's a good sign that you're okay to talk to her. If she looks away she's either too shy and in an introverted mood or not interested. Either way you can stay inside your comfortable little box or climb out and possibly make some substantial memories. I'm more partial to staying in my cozy little box with a few people I know, normally. Since you're in a new city why not take that risk, nobody knows who you are. But I digress.. there really is no secret to becoming someone who is less shy. You just have to decide how important getting to know the person is. Once you do,it will be a natural reaction to strike up a conversation. Or you'll eventually become so lonely its unbearable. If they react poorly to you striking up a conversation. Then they're pretentious assholes that you wouldn't want to know anyways.
The places I'm thinking of are parks, bars, beaches, coffee shops, and other social scenes. Wildflowers, what you say is true about smiling once you meet eye contact. I've read that plenty of times. But you often never know when you're gonna run into someone you might be interested in. I guess the reason I look away quickly when she meets eye to eye with me is because not only of shyness, but also the phobia of being seen as a creep. Deep down I know that isn't aways the case, but I get that feeling often. Phobia of rejection is another thing. Rejection can be painful at times, especially if it happens to you over and over again in any situation. But yes, sometimes it is important for your character to exit your comfort zone often. I just don't like doing that, I don't think anybody does, but some folks handle it better than others.
