This fuckin' sucks....

I went to the doctor today....

I told him that I had chest pains and some other weird stuff... He says "Ok, well your going to have to do a blood test and a EKG". I was happy he said that because that's exactly what I wanted.

So I go get the blood test. I fuckin' hate needles but the nurse was like "ok, I'm gonna put the needle in now." I was thinking that it was gonna hurt a lot but it didn't even hurt. It feels like someone poked you with a pen. It just feels odd having a needle in you.

Then I had to go get the EKG. She hooks me up and stuff and told me to relax. I knew my heart was going kinda fast though because I was nervous. When she got the results she handed me the paper and sent me back to the doctor.

He looks at it and goes "well this looks normal to me, it's slightly fast were you nervous?" I was pretty nervous so I told him that. Then he explained how it's perfectly fine and he can't see anything wrong at all.

He comes back with these pamphlets and says "Ok. You have GAD. Although panic disorder and social phobias are more noticable in you. He told me that there's a couple different routes to go.

I can go on medication (zoloft) or I can go to thereapy/counselling.

Both of those are fucking ridiculous. I don't wanna do that shit but I think I might have to.

I'm just so pissed off that I apperantly have these fuckin' problems. I was always paranoid and anxious but lately I've just been fucked... I don't wanna be "that kid who takes pills" because that's just fucked. I'm supposed to be normal and have friends and shit but lately it's hard.

I don't even know how I'm gonna tell my girlfriend now. She's gonna think there's something wrong with me and probably cry for days. I just don't know what I can say to her... I can't just not tell her that I have these problems.

I don't want to do either. I wish I could just go back to the way I was a few months ago... And not be all fucked up.

Fuck... I don't feel different, it's just that sometimes I do feel different and it fucks with my head.. I guess this is what happens when your stressed for a long period of time.

I don't know why they call it panic disorder... It's not like I run around screaming. Inside my head I'm screaming... But I can make it look like I'm perfectly calm.

Son of a bitch.

 

stop doin heavy drugs for a while?

 

Dude you seem to do a lot of pharmaceuticals-do you think these could be causing some of your problems? Are you sure you know what's in a lot of them?

Maybe you need to cut back on a lot of your partying.

 

Pharms? I don't do that stuff man lol.

I've done lots of blow and K recently... Not anymore..

My partying days are definitely over now. That's for sure... At least for a little while.

 

give it more than a few days...

who's to say you didnt have a pre-existing condition and this shit brought it out?

i say go to therapy and just cool it with puttin shit in your nose

 

nahh, i think you're just going through a phase. maybe you do have a panic disorder, or whatever. well, probably, since the doctors said so.. but i'm sure you can overcome it without medicinal needs.

 

You have really no idea whats in your blow and how it's affecting you. I would hold of on the zoloft for awhile and really take it easy.

I would start working out a bit-maybe some running. Let your parents and your doctor know that you want to give it a few weeks before you start taking the Zoloft. See how you are after you take it easy for awhile.

 

That's what I'm trying to do.

It's just so fuckin hard because I've never felt like this before.... Even in the old coke days back in grade 9 and 10 I wasn't even like this...

 

I just don't know why the fuck this has happened to me... I've always been the big fuckin' loud guy who would be drunk with all his friends runnin' around and causin' ruckus.

But my mind has literally shifted it's view on life and it's like I can't even talk to my friends... Holy fuck it really just hit me, I can't even tell my friends about this shit.. Not because I think they would think I'm fucked (even though I know they would)... I just actually couldn't make myself do it even if I tried.

 

just curious, did this all come out after you did acid?

 

You need a break. Flush your system. Plenty of water, juices. Keep up the liquid intake, and the electrolytes. Run, walk, whatever, develop a habit of daily exercise.

The therapy seems the best option. It can be fun, surprisingly.

 

Don't focus on the "friends" so much as on yourself. Sometimes we tend to surround ourselves with "friends" in an attempt to justify our existence, but really, all we are doing is creating a kind of "shell" existence that has the "appearance" of meaningful interaction, when it really isn't.

Do what's good for you. Get into something, on a serious level, education-wise. Think about what you want to invest yourself in as an interest area, or an occupation. Go for some goal.

Don't be satisfied with "default friendships" based on alcohol and drug use. It just continues the downward cycle.

 

Yes.... Don't fucking say that.... Don't even mention that....

That's all I've been thinking about man....

Although I'm glad there is nothing physically wrong with me I'm kind of scared I've fucked myself up mentally....

Because I'm not the same person anymore.

 

hopefully it all works itself out man...i took 2 hits at the dead concert in may and the day after i felt like you are describing(thinking differently and feeling of yelling in your head but youre acting normal) but it went away by the end of the day

this hasnt happened any other time ive done acid

 

Contrary to what people may say,,

Acid is NOT, in my opinion, what you would call a "recreational" drug. It's serious shit. It'll challenge the very core of your existence. It exposes the shell, the sham, the unnecessary and the vain.

I did acid maybe 15 times. After a point, I realized that it's most useful for life-changing, not just for "tripping". You really have no control over where it takes you. It's serious shit.

At this time, years later, I don't necessarily feel the aftereffects, but then, I spent two years in a religious commune drying out. The brainwashing did some good, but eventually I just had to leave.

Here's an idea. Join a strict sect of the Franciscan monks, or a buddhist monastery,,haha,,seriously,,

Anyway,,go for the gold,,not Alcapulco,,haha

 

Dude,

I agree with Kevin. I think you could do this naturally. When I was stressed out I had a doctor who wanted to put me on a bunch of stuff. Divorce will do that to a person. Anyway, I started to see a doctor who wanted me to take some drugs for a few weeks to help to stablize me and then he wanted me to take vitiamins and work out. I would be willing to bet this is what you should do. I am more concerned about your anger issues. You seem to be really pissed off at yourself for no reason. Your body is an amazing thing and can adapt and change to meet your needs. Just give it a chance.

I am not saying you have to listen to me or Kevin because we are not doctors but you are the best judge of yourself. If you want to try and handle this yourself then you should. But you need to make an effort to change your lifestyle a little. Take some time for yourself and get your head straight. If it's not working out then a little help is a good thing. I don't know any professional person who would not be willing to help you help yourself. Yeah, you might need to go see someone until you know how to handle your own problems. It's not a bad thing. You were willing enough to see what a doctor had to say so I would listen to him and effect those changes upon yourself.

Hell, I would be willing to bet that you could even work weed into your own self treatment. I know I did. As a matter of fact it's the only medication that I take. Don't worry about it man. Take an inventory of yourself and create a program that will fit your needs. Even if it is only one thing you do every day or three times a week or whatever. Just make those steps, one at a time.

It's very easy to compound your problems by putting presure on yourself. Don't do it. Don't get mad, just think of yourself and do what you feel is best. If you want to talk let me know. Good Luck.

 

i definitely agree with everyone else though that youre doing the right thing laying off all the drugs and such for a little while and just relax...being sober for a while can definitely help with your state of mind

 

This :iagree: is good advice.

I would also add,,music. Take up a musical instrument,,something to work out that inner angst.

 

Wow guys.. All of your replies have helped me out a lot... Reading them makes me feel a lot better.

Right now I feel like a little kid because I'm asking people for help and stuff... These "episodes" or whatever you want to call them are not fun at all. I'll try to explain what it's like...

Okay. Just imagine your sitting there typin' away in the conversation thread... Then all of a sudden you feel your heart make an extra beat or something... Then you think "did that really just happen?"... So you feel your heart for 30 seconds... Nothing happens... So you think "oh well, nothing happened"... But then a minute later you feel it again..

That's when it gets me thinking...

I'll feel my heart again and it goes fast... and faster... And it will really trip me out... Then comes the pain, it's like a piercing pain and it's really annoying... It feels like a god damn heart attack at first..

Then once it gets about 10 minutes into the episode it gets really intense... My hands will start sweating and I'll get a random pain in random parts of my body... Sometimes my shoulder, sometimes my thigh...

Once this starts happening I have to start breathing heavily... I usually just get up and walk around my room because it seems to help... It's like I'm freaking out inside my head while I just walk around in a circle with my eyes closed trying to hide from the heart pain...

But then in like 15 minutes after that I'll just be like "woah... what just happened"... And then I go back to normal...

I'll be normal but I'm always anticipating the next attack... It's really fucked.. I'm trying to learn how to deal with it though...

Thanks again guys.

 

Playing guitar is one of the only things that helps me... It takes my mind off of everything because I concentrate so much when I play.