This Is Frickin' Hilarious!!

Read this cybersex transcript. You'll piss your pants laughing...



Sajad: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Sajad: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from C&A. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of madras sauce on it from dinner...and it smells funny.

Sweethart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Sajad: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Sajad: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Sajad: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Sajad: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Sajad: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Sajad: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Sajad: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Sajad: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Sajad: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Sajad: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Sajad: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Sajad: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Sajad: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Sajad: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Sajad: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Sajad: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Sajad: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Sajad: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Sajad: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Sajad: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Sajad: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Sajad: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Sajad: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Sajad: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Sajad: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Sajad: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Sajad: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Sajad: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Sajad: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Sajad: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Sajad: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Sajad: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Sajad: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Sajad: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Sajad: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Sajad: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart:

 

Hahaha... that's damn funny. But, it's fake, right?

 

I hope it's a real conversation

If it wasn't then it wouldn't be as funny

 

Yeah, exactly. It just makes me think it's fake because it's so perfect. All of the English is perfect and both people had the same "style."

 

LOL! That's hilarious!


I can't, um, believe that you people are honestly discussing whether it's real or not. Of course it's not real; it's a P-A-R-O-D-Y! It's designed to be a humorous rendition of how those "cybersex" sessions actually go. As that, it was pretty inspired.

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

I see what you mean about the style. It's probably not real. Here's another sex joke AND bill gates joke in one... awesome.

Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: "I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!" Hugh replies: "Well Bill, you know ... ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune." Bill (with a chuckle), "Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number?" So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date. They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling "God ...now I know why you chose the name Divine." To which she replies: "Thank you Bill ... and now I know how you chose the name ... Microsoft."


l0lz0rz taht w4z teh funnyz!!!!!~11~!~1~!`1``~~!!!!!!!!!

 

..l..


..m..

..a..

..o..

 

There are a few other ones that are similar. They are actually real, the guy actually convinces whoever is on the other end that he's being serious but then makes the whole thing fly right off the handel and it winds up sounding absolutely hilarious. I remember reading one that had me on the ground laughing for like 10 minutes.

 

Here's a couple of ones my buddies and I did late after drinking a few too many.


bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the
Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the
lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body
explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield
inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil
army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?

------------------------------------------------------------
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular
physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your
ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
eminemBNJA: Oh shit
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something.
-----------------------------------------------------
bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
(pause)
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can
you make it a little more sexy for me?
(pause)
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the
lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
Katie_007: ...
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn
to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your
olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
Katie_007: whatever.

 

Unkle, that was fuckin' hilarious!! :d


It totally has the ring to it of something that they would have done on Sifl & Olly... I loved it!

You know when people type "LOL" but they don't mean that they actually laughed out loud? Yeah, well, I did!

Blue skies,
-Jeffrey

 

ive read that somewhere else before

 

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=bloodninja%3A+My+turnips+listen+for+the+soft+cry+of+your+love.+My+insides+turn+

 

oh man, these transcripts are so funny, i think i woke my parents up, oops. so fucking funny.

 

Ya, bloodninja has several of them up on some website.

 

That's so fucking funny.

 

haha, ive actually heard this on the radio before. it was great. the voices they used suited the roles perfectly.

 

so fucking hilarious! mwhahahah!!!!

 

Here's a link to some of Bloodninja's works of art.

http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=28838

Enjoy!

 

lmfao.. I've been in some cybersex conversations that were like that. We were making fun of the people doing it in the actual chatroom, and NOTHING about it was sexy.. I was laughing so hard I could barely type. There are alot of guys that do that kinda stuff & post it on their websites - actually, there's one site that tries to scare the fuck out of people by telling them that they know their address, phone number, and ISP (which isn't hard to get when you think about it) and the folks shit their pants because the site people tell them that they're serial killers and shit. Its hilarious, but I wouldn't wanna be the butt of their jokes, they take stuff far sometimes.

 

Good shit here
injoyed this