too high sex drive?

So, my bf and I have lived together since October and ever since we moved in together, I've noticed that his sex drive is much lower than mine. I mean, I don't expect him to want to every night and all, but it's gotten to where I honestly feel like I'm twisting his arm almost every time. We've gotten down to once or twice a week. Twice if im lucky. And still he never initiates it. I could honestly have sex every night and it would never get old. I guess with him being a guy and all, I would just expect it more.

He even acts annoyed sometimes. Like tonight I asked him if he would cuddle with me before I went to sleep and he responded with.. "*sigh* how long."

I just responded with he doesnt have to. He said to not make him feel guilty and I told him I wasnt .he just doesnt have to. I don't want to feel like im twisting his arm to be intimate with me. I just enjoy being intimate with him when I can and I feel like he doesnt want it most of the time.

Although when in the act, he's totally into it...but I feel like I have to make serious effort to get him there.

I just dont know..is this normal? Do I just need to try and chill out my sex drive and let him let me know when he's ready so that I dont feel like im twisting his arm?

Help...I really don't know what's normal and whatnot..im tired of feeling like this. Ive tried telling him I want him to initiate it and he said he understood but nothing has changed. Should I wait and see when and how frequently he does this on his own?

 

What if pretty much everything you've heard from everyone about sex and libido was a lie

Hime being a guy and all you expected more?

All men are pigs, all they thinj about is sex, blah blah blah, all that stuff comes from the girls. As for the guys themselves, they have to act they are all virile and manly otherwise its a whole bunch of dumb jokes from their mates....and put down little comments from girls too.

Despite all that bull machismo, there isnt a male on the planet thats hornier later on in life than he was as a teenager, doesnt exist

Its just your perception, becuase you go by what people say without having any kind of clue as to whats really going on in their bedrooms.

And on the flip side most of the girls just end up getting hornier as they get older. Which all has to be covered up because either they are in your position and its just too demeaning to admit to anyone, or hubby still doesnt get it cos sex is the only way they can get him to do anything, but a whole bunch of secret whoevers do

Its marriage/relationship in the end thats the clue. Male or female, that top end of the libido spectrum, simply not able to stick to the one person, and pretty much no understanding as to why the FUCK??? Anyone should

 

Uhhmmm .... beg to differ. :sunny:

 

No worries. It's a valid question. And yes, im positively certain. He is my best friend and we have a wonderful relationship. Im fact, all of his serious girlfriends have cheated on him (including me ) For what he believes to be this exact reason. Wasnt my reason, but still. He's seem to have always had a low sex drive.

I won't lie though..it does bother me because I don't know if I could help by changing something..my approach, my weight, my look. I feel like im doing something wrong because I dont know if this is normal.

 

You think the low sex drive triggered the cheating or vice versa?

 

double dip.

 

yes. Well, that's what he thinks...and I honestly wouldn't doubt it. With as little as he shows interest.

He's been this way for a long time, it seems. Even if the cheating didn't help, I don't know how to help now..hince why I'm posting about it.

 

as in cheat? No thanks..I'm done with that.

He's the only person I ever want to be intimate with. I don't want anyone else.

 

No as in double post.

 

gotcha.

I was half expecting someone to tell me that on here. lol

 

I should also add that before he and I got together he was celibate for 3 years. He had just had enough and was tired of all the drama that came with sleeping around.

Dunno. Just not really sure what to think or do. If I knew how to approach it and not make him feel like shit, I totally would. But again...I have no idea how to approach this.

 

I don't have any problem at all with my sex drive, but I would be very turned off by anyone that cheated on me for any reason. The last thing I would want to do is have sex with them. I am lucky enough to have a partner with an equal high sex drive and would not have it any other way now. I was in a marriage with someone with zero sex drive for a long time and was never happy. In that time I never cheated once though. I don't believe in disrespecting anyone that way. Not cool. If you are not happy move on instead.

 

this is wrong.

i can tell you from experience

that experience

means my sex life as i have become older

has become less black and white.

so i'm more interested now than i was then

without question.

 

he is bored.

you're asking him for what you want

not him.

 

You also don't know what happened. I am happier with him than I could ever be with anyone else and my cheating was a fuck up that we don't talk about anymore. He's even said himself that he's practically forgotten about it.

I don't deny that it hurts him and I feel like shit every day for doing it to him, but it was a mistake and we were in a long distance relationship at the time.

I'm aware of my fuck up and I don't need people making assumptions as to the state of our relationship based soley upon that.

Not to mention, I was drugged when it happened and barely even remember it.

 

I don't really understand what you mean by this.

 

I wasn't making any assumptions! I was stating that if someone cheated on me for any reason I would not want to touch them with someone elses dick let alone my own. My relationship is built on respect, trust and loyalty. Without that there would be nothing. Our sex life is amazing, because we have all these things. We have enjoyed bringing others in for the fun, because of the trust and respect we have for each other. Something neither one of us would want if we didn't already have the strong loyal bond we have. No matter how much I love this girl and I do if she broke that respect and trust I would kick her to the curb without hesitation and would hope she has enough self respect to do the same to me.

 

Well, you made an insinuation and I wanted to make sure I cleared this up before everyone else delved into it and jumped on my ass for it.


My bf and I have known each other for 5 1/2 years. We were best friends before we ever dated.
I won't deny for a minute that he should have kicked me to the curb because it was a dumb situation. But I think the fact that there were zero feelings for this person that it happened with as well as the fact that I couldn't keep it from him and told him myself. I allowed him to choose. I wanted him and only him but if he wanted to walk away from me, I wouldn't have held it against him.

But he didn't because he loves me and said he couldn't just walk away without trying. And I thank him every day for that. However, not directly..bringing it up is something I don't do unless he wants to talk about it.

It was a tough one and I am thankful that he didn't walk away.

I won't deny, though that it COULD be part of what kills his sex drive...even though we do have sex at least once a week. But I really don't think that it affects him as much as it could. Seems like he just has a low sex drive period.

I dunno...hopefully that cleared things up a little for people who hate cheaters..

 

It seems that you and him are both over (at least for the topic at hand) the cheating.

This is an issue that you have to talk to him about. Ask him how he feels about it, make sure he KNOWS you have an issue with not enough sex. Tell him you don't want to feel like you are pressuring him into it. Maybe that's just how he is and you and he don't match up in libido.

Maybe you'll both come to an easy conclusion.

 

Staying with someone that cheats is not about love! It is about a lack of self respect and self confidence in yourself. Maybe thinking you cant do better. Truth is everybody can do better then that if they set standards to live by and follow them. You know don't do things to others you would not want to happen to you. Be positive and do good by others and positive and good things will happen to you. Be negative and do shitty things to others and expect it to come back at you. Works for me and the amazing person I am sharing my life with.

Maybe it has nothing to do with what you are going through! Some people just don't have much of a sex drive. That will probably never change so you just need to decide if you want to live with it or move on and find someone that is a better match for you. Comminication is very importent no matter what. You dont do anyone any favours by keeping it bottled up.

 

I think you're making assumptions about my relationship. :shrug:

We have no problem with communication, despite this situation. As I stated, we've talked about it before and he acts the same.

But no matter. My discussion with you has made me not really care anymore.

Don't worry, that's essentially a good thing.