Too Vulnerable

Do any of the ladies here find it unpleasant to wake up to your guy trying to undress you, or worse, with his hand (or more) down your pants? I find it to be a horrible feeling, I feel so vulnerable and violated. I can't seem to make my husband understand that, and now I know another woman who has the same problem with her husband.
Guys, is there anything that you can relate this to that might make an impression? I can't think of anything that would be equivalently vulnerable for men, and I think only an example will get through.

 

it's never happened, but it's not a fantasy that would turn me on - it does sound like a bit of a violation, particularly if it's not been agreed to ahead of time (which sounds like that's the case here)

Raise holy hell. I mean, scream swear and stay in another room (locked preferably) until he stops. You don't enjoy it, it's harming you psychologically and he has NO RIGHT to do that to you if you don't want him to. DO NOT ACCEPT IT, turn into a super bitch if you must but you have to make it clear that this is a BIG FUCKING DEAL, not 'oh, I don't realy like it when...", more like "do not, I repeat DO NOT do it again, it scares me and hurts me, it is the antithesis of pleasure for me"

 

My lady loves it for some reason...she was the one who suggested I do it to her in the first place.

 

What did your husband say when you tried to explain this to him?

 

I have no problem with this.. I like it when my guy does things like that and on more than one occasion I've woke him up doing something like that but I know he has no problem with it either. BUT if YOU don't like you need to tell him in no uncertain terms exactly how you feel. If he can't understand and respect that than he doesn't deserve you and needs to go.

 

Well, this is basically like a reverse situation of what sugarmaggie was saying on the other thread, eh.

Well, to each his/her own, I'd say. Some girls don't like to be woken up in that fashion, some do. Some guys don't, some do.

As for me, I've had my penis stroked by my ex-girlfriend as I was waking up, and I've rubbed her pussy when she was waking up. We were both cool with the idea.

 

Eek.. I mean, I'd suggest what Ihmurra already did, but the thing is, it sounds like a pretty unhealthy relationship if you have to turn into a bitch to express something. If there is anything I can do to support you..

 

i totally agree.

 

To me this has always been a little touch and go. When I'd sleep over at my ex's I'd wake him up by going down on his sometimes and he loved that unless he was hungover. Me, eh, I liked it but it takes me awhile to completely wake up so it was odd to try waking up to that. My body would be awake and liking what he was doing but I was in a complete fog, so sometimes it freaked me out.

 

I didn't mean to make it sound like it happens all the time, because I've mostly broken him of it. But sometimes....and the simple fact is, he complains that it's lack of trust on my part that makes me freak out. I've tried and tried to explain that it's not that I don't trust him, and I've even told him (over and over) what the problem is. I'm looking for some way to explain to him in a way he can relate to how devastating this is for me, because as much as I love and trust him, it takes me days every time it happens to be able to sleep in the same bed with him again, and it hurts.

 

with his 'lack of trust' thing- thats an excuse to make you out to be the bad guy. People are different. Some are comfortable with things that other people aren't. Just like some people are afraid of heights while others aren't. Hell I can't stand to have a blanket wrapped around my feet because I freak that I will get stuck. If he can't understand you don't like it and you aren't comfortable with it and you don't want it to happen EITHER- its a problem. He needs to realize he needs to stop if he really cares and loves you.

 

Yes, as unreal as it sounds, he is manipulating you. Manipulation isn't uncommon, and it takes a lot of courage to recognize it. Cuz.. it's now a question of 'what do you do now?'
And you know what, it doesn't matter if he's done it only once after you've told him how you feel about it. He still didn't listen to you. I suggest you start thinking about what you deserve, because that's the issue here.

I've never met you and I know that you deserve better.

 

I have to fess up here, and hopefully put this behavior into perspective. I have actually DONE this on occasion. In my case, I didn't even realize I was doing it! I would wake up at like 3 am and get naked and start harassing the wife. She found it odd, but would occasionally be up for it, at other times she didn't know how to react. I would wake up in the morning naked and not know what happened. I would ALWAYS feel terrible about it. But, she never made me feel bad about it. So, we made an agreement that she is to wake me up, and tell me to knock it off. She had to do that twice, and it hasn't happened since. We think it is a simple need for sex on my part. It seems to happen if we are not active for a period of time. I guess subconsciously I expected to have it and if it went too long without, I would just attack her in the middle of the night. Luckily though, I never FORCED myself on her. I always would touch, etc and await a response before continuing...

Perhaps I am an alien.

 

Nah I've heard of sleep sex. That's not that unusual. This guy is saying that 'she doesn't trust him' though. That sounds intentional to me.

 

Hacker, you may have hit it! That's kind of what my husband is like. It only happens when we haven't been active for a while, though I never thought about that until I read your post. He has said a couple of times that he doesn't remember starting anything, but I kind of blew that off as BS so I wouldn't get as mad. Maybe for us, the solution lies in regular sex I'd be perfectly happy if that's all it took to make it not happen.

BTW, where in the midwest?

 

This has happened to me, and i had exactly the same reaction. When youre asleep, youre not in a position to say whether youre up for it or not, and so its violation. Its unfair, and if he was fully awake when he did it its obviously some kind of power trip, unless youve discussed this when awake and said itd be ok.
If hes kind of half asleep when he does it then thats fair enough. But id feel extremely uneasy if he was ever fully awake.

Xx

 

its horrible,that happend to me once, me my friend and this 23 year old guy all fell asleep and just as i was falling into a deep sleep i opened my eye up just enuff to see him putting his hang down my pants and putting my hand on his crotch (so gross) but i was like sleeping while i saw it,so when i woke up i wondered if it really happend or if i was just havin a weird sex dream,i soon relized the fucker had touched me becuase my pants were undone.....pisses me the fuck off,i didnt bother doing anything about it or confronting the scumbag about it either,i felt like it was my fault then,now i just relize the guy was a dirtbag

 

i dont like it when girls get all sensitive and get mad if you are asleep when you are having sex. you can be knocked out and snoring i will still tap that ass.

 

Jesus titty-fucking Christ.

He's your husband. You married him, yet you don't want him touching you?

This thread oozes of women's rights advocacy.

 

if she doesn't feel comfortable she doesn't feel comfortable. What is wrong with that. So she married him that means he can do what the hell he wants even if she doesn't like it?? geesh