Violence related to Gender?

Do you ever think that maybe the way boys grow up, violence becomes a part of them? I mean somehow we are made to think that we have to be physically tough. Kids who are in sports are somehow always respected compared to the "nerds/geeks", which is not a bad thing but sports are filled with aggression especially football. somehow boys in school are somehow told to stand up and fight because no one else will fight for them. If you express fear or any type of "weakening" emotion you are somehow branded as a whimp. I know this is not true everywhere, but in schools here in USA I have experienced this to what one might call: 'a exaggerating degree'. Although you are respected for being 'smart', you are always picked on and beat up. The more you go to the teachers/administration, the more the oppressors feel that they have more power on you. The more controlling they get, I don't know if this is true , if this isn't I would be glad, but still.

The real question would be : Do we have to find a new way of really educating our children in the future? especially boys. How do we raise girls and how do we raise boys, is it any different? if it is ... how? and do we have to change the way we raise boys...

 

My dad used to tell me that if he ever found out that I started a fight that he would lay into me, but If someone else ever started a fight with me and I didn't stand up for myself and fight back that he would lay into me.


My older sister, who I used to torment, used to always tell me that someday I would really get beat up by someone because I was annoying. I guess I believed her and started working out and learning self defense so it wouldn't happen.

It is amazing how much of an impact things can have on young kids.

Anyway, I am a very passive individual, and have broken up many more fights than I have been in. I've even put myself in some dangerous situations to do so. But I also have a temper that rarely comes to the surface. Usually, when it does it has to do with something or someone that has been bothering me for a long time and I just try to blow it off, but it just builds up, and explodes at some point (very rarely though).

I've always been a physically capable person and in sports I would do what it took to succeed (physical contact), but it was never out of aggression and I have never provoked a fight.

I'd say a lot of male aggression comes from insecurity from within. Kind of like a complex. I'm pretty secure, so I feel no need to show/prove anything by fighting or aggression.

 

i dont think it is necessarily a bad thing for guys to be 'tough.' Obviously guys shouldn't start fights, but if someone throws a punch at you..you have to at least swing back.

In a nice plush world no one would ever throw a punch, no one would need to know self defense, but thats just not reality.

 

Why not? - why can't we have such a world?
We talk about defending ourselves in fights and I guess that is okay but why should there be a need to defend, its due to insecurities? then what are they? I don't believe in the PET and the magic "lack of stimulation" in the brain as scientists have demonstrated. They fail to understand why a person fails to have it. Environmental reasons? well, then what are they?

 

I have never been in a physical fight in my entire life. Fighting is not something that has to be done. Even when threatened with physical violence, I refused to strike an other human. I would, if one of my children were in danger, but in most cases one can talk the thing out.

 

there are times to fight and there are times not to. You cant always walk away and not everyone can be reasoned with. Not everyone is rational. Not everyone is nice. If someone breaks into my house and is threatening my family, do you think i should just try and "talk to him?"

No thanks.

 

Maybe there is a way to reason even with that man but sadly he has passed the line where he could be reasoned. Maybe before he breaks in... he could have been reasoned with but I think his own suffering and his own lack of feeling - for other's suffering will let him break into your/my/their house.

 

Maybe when the burgler was young, he could have been conditioned away from the violent/criminal behavior.

 

When I lived in a hippy 'commune' in the woods, with no TV, far from town, the boys still made guns and weapons out of sticks and legos, which was strictly prohibited, and were still competitive.
Some is nature, some is nurture, maybe.

 

Its still society. No matter what you do you will never be able to rid yourself of everything society has implanted on you.

Do you think its NORMAL for little boys to want to take up guns and go kill people? - Hell no... Even if they are pretending, they still think its "cool". Its not like your commune was completely isolated. They could even be pretending that they are killing robbers or something. It all leads back to greed though. The greedy people oppress somebody, then somebody stands up to them. The person who stood up is viewed positively, and who doesn't want that? So if somebody stole something, they are like an oppressor, so killing them would make the other people like you.

Its the most showed way for men "Join the army, you'll be brave, and strong, and whatever...". Its been that way forever because men are naturally bigger and don't get pregnant so they can fight wars which greedy people start.

I'm a cynic.

If there is 1 competitive person there is no way to have a team when they are trying to be competitive.

 

Out in the woods. No TV. Only occasional hippy visitors. I think that very few, if any of us, had ever seen a gun.

I see what your saying, though. Culture is a huge part of it.

 

in our family, self defense was a big deal. if someone started bullying you and you didn't step up and defend yourself, the whole family gathered round and started lecturing you about not defending yourself. in addition, if you see someone being bullied and don't do anything to help them, that's bad. starting fights, however, got you a serious ass whoopin', which is kinda funny. but it worked. there isn't a violent person in our family...well, once my parents divorced.

 

People like that scare me sometimes...

 

they should. that's kinda the idea.

 

Who has the outlet for violence more? Football/ jock or nerd? So who is more dangerous or has more of a chance of being violent one day? That should answer the question

 

i dunno, depends on the person. i know that i've personally had to seek assistance for my rage difficulties, and i'm a squishy girl.

 

What do you think?

 

Do we have to find a new way of really educating our children in the future? especially boys. How do we raise girls and how do we raise boys, is it any different? if it is ... how? and do we have to change the way we raise boys...

yesyesyes to answer your question jedi you are on the right track things are not right and learning has to change. Here is a post I made over a year ago on this subject not many people replied...well I think not many people care about this subject but as the world gets worse maybe we should care huh.




This is from a child development seminar I went to by Dan Hodgins (the coordinatoer of early childhood education at mott community college in flint Michigan) Called "what about the boys? He comes to the seminar (Good stuff for kids with Bev Bos in california where I live)to present about boys ~understanding their learning style, their behaviors and classroom needs.. Purple are my notes and comments...black are the points Dan covers. I am posting this because I think it's so important for peole to know that the education system and how we treat and manage our kids(boys) isn't working. And it's not working because it's not set up for their acual needs as indeviduals/humans. It's very serious because hundreds of thousands of kids go to school every day...don't you want them to be actualy learning how they should be? this means all of your kids. These seminars are set up mostly for early childhood educators and daycare providers but as parents it's important we know these things too so we can understand our kids and parent effectively. And so that boys can grow up to be functioning parts of societe to their fullest potential.


Boy statistics:
~Last year 34% of preschool children were expelled and 87% of them were boys
Preschoolers people!!KICKED OUT OF SCHOOL! Imagine what that does to a child self worth and their views of school and elders for the rest of their life...Imagine "acting up" ( which would really be doing what you are supose to be doing as a child and having it said as acting up and you get kicked out)
~81%of children "kicked out" of school last year were boys
is this NOT a wake up call to peole that something is wrong? That these kids are not getting what they need
~Boys are 6 times more likely to be "misdiagnosed" with add or adhd because people don't understand how their brains work and why they do what they do
~Boys are 4 times more likely to be labeled special education
~Boys are 7 times more likely to be labeled with reading or language delays
~Boys are more likely NOT to complete high school
~Boys are 9 times more likely to be labeled with a behavioral problem(s)
~Boys are 4 times more likely to commit suicide

Developmental/ structural differences(boys from girls)
~In most cases girls brains mature earlier( boys can be 12 to 18 month behind)
~Girls acquire their complex verbal skills as much as 1 year earlier then boys
~The corpus collosum in girls is up to 20% larger then boys(corpus colosum is a part of the brain that helps people desifer good from wrong etc)
~Girls take in more sensory data (Girls ar emore detail oriented we can remember details~boys remember key points. Remembering from learning from action oriented learning.
~Boys have a thicker skull then girls

Functional Differences
~The resting femail brain is more active then the (awake) active mail brain.
~Male brains turn on like a machine to do a task and then gose int o a pause state
example: when a boy child hits another child he does not register it right away. thats why he may hit directly again (durring this pause state) or if you ask him right away why he hit he'll say I don't know. he really doesn't know. or if you ever feel like you are talking to a wall when you talk to your husband while he's watching tv~and he does not answer you~pause state. He can only think one one thing at a time. Women however can think of many things at once and pay attention Example: talking on the phone while watching tv and making dinner and reading mail. Woman can do all that at once and understand it all. Men are one task oriented.
~Male brain is more overwhelmed by stimulation more quickly
~Boys respond better to loud noises
~Six times more girls sing in tune
~Males do better then femails in bright lights
~Girls have better long term memory boys remember what they learn best if is acquanted with movement. Moys learn best when moving. this is why sitting still in school is so hard for boys. it isn't what their bodies and brains need.

Language differences
~Communication among boys is 55% facial expressions and 38%voice tone, 7% voice alone
~On the average girls produce more words then males(girls by age 5 have 5-7000 words....boys 3-5000) there are plenty of exceptions to this
~Girls use words as they learn them (Boys learn the words then use them later)
~Boys work silently
~Boys work out codes among themselves
~Boys relate language with action
boys learn better on their feet/in movement..not sitting still without recess.

Use of space
~Boys tend to need more space when they learn
(Girls usualy stay within a confined space)
~Boys build tall and girls wide(girls take in more spacial information)
~Boys move more objects in space because thats what they need to be doing as I was telling Duck in a different thread...and as others have stated. Kids learn by moving. They don't sit still for a reason.

Testosterone
~Preschool boys can have up to 5 spikes an hour obviously kids this age need an outlet for these spikes. They run and move and jump and spin and yell and throw as a natural energy release.
~School age boys have up to7 spikes an hour
~adolescent boys have up to 10 spikes an hour
~Boys engage in more motor activity durring a spike

Feelings and emotion
~Boys process and release energy in quick bursts of energy
~Males are wired to have delayed reactions to problems
~Boys project emotions to outside space(girls are more inside) Males emotions are expressed more phisically
~Males can go into a "cave state" for protection
~Boys tend to not talk about their feelings (internalize them and act them out)
this does not mean you can't and should not encourage your boys not to understand their emotions and have feelings and express them.

Bonding and attachment
~Bonding and attachment must accur before the age of five this effects the rest of a child life!
~Roughhousing is essential for bonding
(Hugging, handshaking, wrestling, backslapping, playful punching, pinching, are all modes of bonding)
~Gun play, sward fighting, kicking games are not violent initiators energy releasers
~Bossy kids are healthy kids kids with a voice that know what they want and how to get it. being assertive. not passive.
~Give choices that are powerful

Learning
~98% of information we recieve leaves within 5 minutes unless it's "real"; hooked to an emotion or relevant to us thats why we need to teach kids with tools that are relevant to them. Nature and their actual needs in mind you can set up a learning environment to encompas a world they can fully learn in. With things that are there jsut for them. Even on an indevidual level from child to child. Having a classroom where you know your kids so well that you can know what each one needs...it's priceless...all the way through their whole education and upbringing at home. ( putting aside the no child left behind act and actualy teaching kids for what they need) Kids remember experiences...hands on...not " hands off learning
~Moveable objects are needed for learning!
~Power play is essential
~Firm adults this does not mean violent or abusive
~give kids time to solve problems
~Visual guidance be there to watch them

Lets not forget that over 50% of schools in the us have now gotten rid of playtime/recess.everything a child needs if found in play. A lot of schools don't allow talking durring lunchtime and there isn't much movement of the children or they get in trouble. People dont feed or treat their kids right and then blame it on "A.D.D" Also schools are getting rid of critical things like art. Desks are set in rows and its very inpersonal...things are set up for lack of communication between children. Much of the drug companies revenue comes from kids of the preschool age taking meds for A.D.D and adhd(Lets sedate them into submission and they wont "act up"....) When kids get what they need they function as humans and adults in productive ways...if they dont get what they need at the foundation they act up and try to get it for teh rest of their lives in other ways that make life harder for all of us.

These kinds of things are some reasons why kids are doing so badly in school. AND at home. Learning happens and propper development happens when a childs structure is set up around their actual learning needs. Which even most teachers dont stop to understand. If you ever wonder why you kids are doing something it is a mirror of everything around them and if you think something is wrong then change somethingfor your kids sake.

 

Hmm... I'd like to see the actual studies from where these statistics originate. Based on my experiences, I don't agree with many of them and many of them seem somewhat subjective.

Maybe you should factor in the possibility that in many cases it is not the intrinsic difference between boys and girls but how others perceive, respond to, and label boys versus girls, and even the possibility of scientific observer bias.

However, as with any statistics (regardless of how accurate) there will be many exceptions and statistics can be very dangerous by supporting biases, labels and stereotypes and should be taken very lightly!

 

I can give you the contact info to the people who I got these from. If you really want to know more. They know a whole lot on the subject and it isnt book knowledge it's many years of looking at the evidence in front of all of us.