Virginity issue (im a guy)

So i used to talk to this girl and got close to her until a year ago when we stopped talking to eachother. We never went all the way together, aka intercourse, but i was hoping one day we would, and share our first time together.
Well we started talking again a couple of months ago. And we were going to get back together, but i asked her if shes had sex with anyone since we stopped talking and it turns out she has. I havnt myself, not because i was waiting for her because i didnt think i would talk to her again, i just havnt found the right person since.

But she has lost her virginity, but she wants us to get back together. But when she told me it was like a bullet in the heart, because it was something really special i some day hoped to share with her, but she has already done it with someone else, who only stayed with her for about 5 months.

So what do i do? Ive told her its upset me, it seems kind of pathetic considering we hadnt spoke in a year, and i subconsously expected her to say she has anyway, but i couldnt prepare myself for it.

Any advice would be great, i just dont know how to take it.

 

In the end what does it really matter? As you get older those virgins are going to be harder and harder to find if that is what you are going to demand. If you are into her just let it go and rekindle your relationship.

 

Thats the thing, i want to but like inside i just cant. Every time i think about it i just picture her doing it with someone else, and it was more than one occasion to.
Ideally i would love to be like my friends who dont/didnt care who it was with, but i cant help it if it means a lot to me.
Is there a way to get over it?

 

difficult as it may be, you have to find a way to get past this, or any chance of a relationship, sexual or otherwise will be history. i can see from your post that you are gutted that she shared her first time with another guy, but you need to accept that as she was in a relationship with him (albeit only for 5 months) she obviously had feelings for him and it wasn`t just a one night stand,
can you take some comfort from knowing that she didn`t let her virginity go cheaply ?
also, although she has slept with another guy before you, its you that she now wants to be with, if you do decide to start a relationship with her, then take things slowly, leave sex off the agenda for a while and get back to thinking of her as the special person you know her to be, instead of someone that shot that bullet through your heart. you need to get past this before starting a sexual relationship with her, or these feelings will turn into a form of jealousy that could affect your relationship with her, and indeed any relationships you may have in the future.

 

Thanks for repling. Im not 100% sure i even want to be with her though. The reason we broke up a year ago was because i got a bit protective, and she ditched me for someone else (the same person she had sex with), she then broke up with him and then got back together later on. So whats to stop her doing the same again? I will get hurt again, not as much as the first time but still, i dont know if its worth it. I think maybe some things in the past have made a permanent mark on our relationship, and to some extent i dont think it will ever be the same as it once was. If we got back together i would always fear her going off with someone else, which isnt good for either of us. Shes now got annoyed with me for acting this way after finding out, ive been very distant from her, and she doesnt want to talk to me until i talk to her properly and get over it basically. Maybe i could get over it, but im wondering whether shes even worth getting involved with. We had/have a complicated relationship with a lot of ups and downs, somtimes periods where we didnt talk to eachother for one reason or the other.
I suppose it would be crazy to "expect" her to not get that close to someone, because we didnt even talk to eachother for a year. It jst came as a shock, something inside just thought that maybe she shared my dream of sharing her first time with me, and saved hrself for that reason, but for all she knew at the time she may not have ever spoken to me again (my choice). Now shes back in my life, i didnt really invite her, it just kind of happened. Half of me wants to be with her based on the good times in our past, but the other half is thinking "No dude, you are setting yourself up for a disasterous relationship, get the fuck out of there!" lol, im too confused really. It would be easy just to erase her from my life, ive done it once before and it would be a lot easier this time. Memories can never be erased but i can live with that. Its like a school project that has some major flaws, i dont know whether to "get over" and/or "fix" the problems with it (our relationship), or just bin the whole thing and start a new one (i.e. find someone else).
No one here can decide for me, im just venting really.

 

You just have to ask yo'self if she is worth it. Take it from me, it may not be perfect but if you love her, you'll be happy if you end up in any situtaion with her. If you don't, then make sure you're not making a big mistake before you seperate. You see you don't realize what you have 'till its gone, man.

 

Ive experienced "gone" though, we didnt speak for a year. Shes blocked me on msn now until i can talk to her properly.
Half of me wants her to never unblock me to save me having to tell her to leave me alone. But im not even sure whether to say that.

 

No, short of growing up but your young so it will take some time to gain a perspective. It sounds like there are an awful lot of doubts on your part so maybe go your seperate ways for awile. You might just end up together down the road.

I find it is usually better to trust my instinct in these matters.

 

She's not worth it. She left you to be with someone else. You gonna put up with that?

Losing your virginity isn't that big of a deal. Even people who thought it was, a lot of times, lose it and go "Oh. That was it?" You have two options:

Forget her.
Fuck her and then forget her.

 

I will probably choose the first one.

 

You think too much.

 

Im so confused. I txt her yesterday saying how i felt at the time, and didnt want to talk to her. 15 hours later and im not sure on what i said, may even be too late.

 

Take a break. Stop trying to make the decision now. You're trying to force yourself to know what you're not really sure of yet. And in the process you're making decisions based solely on your emotions at any given minute. Let yourself have time to work all of this over and then come back and make a decision. If she can't wait (after jerking you around in the past the way she has) than she's not worth it.

 

Dude. You sound like the type of guy who puts a very high value on emotions and feelings and romance.

Look at it this way.

You were emotionally involved with her. She left you to become emotionally involved with some other dude and fuck his brains out. So not only is she physically disloyal, but emotionally disloyal too.

Is that what you want to pursue? It sounds like you'll just be setting yourself for future failure with her and to get yourself hurt.

Just forget her dude. If you value your virginity that much don't even grudge fuck her, just forget about her completely and move on. Tell her straight up what a bitch she is and how you deserve better.

 

The virginity thing isnt really that much of an issue now ive come to terms with it. Shes not a slut so its not as if my first time would be with some skanky bitch, i know her well and i would be comfortable with her. She never shows or tells me how she feels, so a lot of the time i assume she doesnt care, in the past ive been completely wrong though. Ill probably talk to her just once more and decide properly then and there. It would be such a shame though, no other girl ive ever met is like her. And i really want her in my life again but i need to believe she is sorry first. Clutching at straws maybe.

 

Ive sort of started talking to her again. On msn anyway.
Shes said shes sorry and she meant it.
But i keep reminding myself that shes been with someone else. I dont know how to handle it, its not bad enough for me to not talk to her but its upsetting all the same.
Am i overreacting?

 

I think you shouldnt balme the girl, I mean she moved on. that's her right.
She had sex, when you werent togther, and you said you didnt talk to her for a whole year.
well that year doesnt count.
I dont knw, just follow your heart, man.

 

I dont blame her at all. I just feel upset that we didnt share it together. I just wish we never broke up, so my dream would have come true. But that didnt happen and i'll always remember it.

 

Hitomi, if you were the girl i was seeing again, would you feel im being over the top?

 

When you guys stopped talking, she didn't bother to try to keep in touch, pursue you, nothing. She just found some other guy for a few months and gave it up to him. Ask yourself: Why didn't she have sex with YOU, but she had sex with HIM?

No sir sorry. That year DOES count. Once you do something, or say something, you can't take it back. You can apologize, but is your apology genuine remorse, or do you just regret doing something stupid?

The fact is she slept with someone else. So either she wasn't that interested in you in the first place, or, this other guy was good enough to get her virginity, and you were not.

If you have any self-respect you will not tolerate that. I mean, it's not like you're in love, is it?

EDIT: For future reference avoid people who use the defense "it didn't count because ______" in regards to sleeping with other people... these people are usually cheaters.