waiting until marriage

I've never thought too much of waiting to have sex until marriage..until now.
I really am going to try. Maybe, perhaps not marriage..but definitely until the right person. I've never put too much thought into sex, I always thought of it as a 'casual act' but I've taken on a new view on it lately. Have any of you stayed pure? I feel like I need a bit of encouragement.

 

Both my family and faith were influential in shaping my morals. When I was in high school, I promised myself that I would wait until marriage and I am still holding dear to that promise today (through many boyfriends and one ex fiance). Though it may be difficult at times, it is well worth it.

 

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You should be really careful about whoi,you choose,but the standards of waiting until marriage were made back when they married girls off at fourteen. Girls used to start their periods later then too, so there was little more than a year, or less, from menses to marriage. Now that women often start at 11 or 12 and don't get married until their mid-twenties or so, I think that the old standard concept has a few flaws in it,at least for most normal people.

 

Reborn again virgin telling you good plan. I'm not going to until I'm actually married to the guy I'm dating. Maybe at engagement, but not before.

 

You've all been really supportive.


Yes, the standards may have changed, as have the times..but I believe such morals still hold true.

 

I have been with only one person, and I am married to him. I had wanted to wait until we were married, but it happened beforehand one passionate evening. Still, I ended up marrying him anyway so it all worked out.

 

EVeryone has to make up their own mind. I do not, and never did have casual sex with anyone. But I certainly didn't wait until marriage. The way I look at it, I wouldn't buy a car without a test drive..........

But each person has the right to do what they think is best for them.

I also married the man who I first made love to.

 

Do you want only answers from people who support waiting for marriage, or is this thread open to anyone?

No, I would not consider marrying someone until I've lived with him and been intimate (including sexual intercourse) with him for at least a year. That doesn't mean I would be all for wild promiscuity, but neither would I agree that having sex with someone you love but aren't ready to marry makes you impure.

I'm curious, however, in what way you claim that "such morals still hold true". In early Christianity, a couple was not considered to be officially married until the birth of their first child. The ideal of waiting until marriage did not become an issue until society was stratified to a certain level (no unoccupied land left for people to squat on) -- when a lower-class man could make a claim on a family's wealth if he got their daughter pregnant and when a higher-class man would not think of supporting (and sharing his inheritance with) some other man's child. You find this strong "virgin bride" ethic in other societies where people are highly concerned with protecting resources, but far less so (or not at all) in societies where there is still plenty of land or resources to go around or where nobody has much to protect anyway.

 

I will not marry someone that I have not had sex with. Sex is important to me. Good sex is important to me. I need to know if he and I are capable of having good sex, before I will commit to him.

And since I generally don't place a very high value on marriage, I really see no point to waiting for the ring.

 

Where in the world did you get this? The Bible clearly teaches otherwise. Abraham and Sarah, the "parents" of Judaism and Christianity, were married for decades before they had children.

 

This isn't what you used to say to me.

 

Me, I'm not married, but I also have never had "casual sex" per se because I chose long ago to save myself for someone I sincerely loved and who loved me. My first serious girlfriend got my virgin ass, though she wasn't the first to make a play for it. Her I definitely loved, and although she and I split after a couple of years, for some reason I didn't take the opportunity to go score with as many women as I could possibly find. I did, however, begin to pursue a very close lady friend of mine for whom I had a great deal of love in my heart. That was more than two years ago, and she and I are still together (despite some distance keeping us apart at the moment - we've been "celibate" for almost a year now). I have to say the idea of casual sex continues to excite me as a fantasy (only because I've never experienced the thrill of in-the-moment passion with a stranger or other random person), but I believe it only excites me because I haven't tried it and frankly, don't quite understand it.

For me, sex has always been based on love. I have a great deal of respect for anyone who can appreciate that idea. I'm not super-religious but I do believe the Buddhist teaching that the root cause of all suffering is desire. I know I should not get carried away chasing everything or everyone I desire but should instead take the high road and take time to remind myself what's really important.

Marriage, to me, is not someting entered into lightly and certainly not something to rush into. The added internal pressure of wanting to get laid by one's spouse-to-be seems like something that WOULD cause people to get married ASAP, possibly before considering all the aspects of the relationship that need to be sorted through to make the marriage work OUTSIDE of the bedroom. But for those with the strength of character to save themselves and plan for the future accordingly, I also have a lot of respect. Stay the course.

 

Sexual chemistry is an important dynamic to any functional relationship. I do not feel it is wrong to include that in a pre-marriage commitment. Also, nature gave our naughty bits something extra to make sex enjoyable, so part of it has to be recreational. Why not capitalise on that?

seriously, I respect you ladies that decide to wait until marriage, but I do not understand it. and I would not choose the same path for myself.

 

Here's an article on the wisdom of postponing sex until marriage:

http://www.cornerstonemag.com/pages/show_page.asp?276

 

Forgive me if I get the names wrong (I don't have my Bible in front of me.) But Sarah and Abraham's son saw his future wife, (Rachel, I think.) and immediately took her into a field and made love to her. No marraige first, he nailed her immediately. And he was not condemed for it, in fact, it was well accepted.

Abraham was also the father of Islam, with a child from a womyn (Hagar) he was never married to. (They presumably had sex, as it was never claimed Ishmael was a nonsexual conception.)

Solomon had, like, 900 wives. Is that to say that we should be allowed more than one spouse as well?

 

I didn't wait. My husband wasn't my first. I have no regrets, and my relatoinship with my husband is great, both in bed and out.

And I think that the Bible is more concerned with monogamy than "marriage". Really, any biblical interpretations on the subject are debatable.

 

Isaac and Rebekah (not Rachel) were considered married from this point on. Nowhere does the Bible suggest that childbirth is the beginning of marriage; this is the claim I was disputing.

First, Islam didn't emerge until almost 3000 years later. Second, Abraham was rebuked by God for this incident.

No. The Bible clearly portrays this a major reason for Solomon's downfall.

 

(I know, it was Rebekah, I thought I would get the name wrong I always confuse Rebekah and Rachel.) So I was married to my now husband the first time we made love? Damn, I was 17 years old.