Was I sexually assaulted?

Okay, so I just got out of my health class and we've been talking about rape and sexual assault for a few days now. It made me think of this incident:

When I was in first grade, one of my friends, a boy in my class, would feel me up under my skirt. It never seemed weird to me, and I actually quite enjoyed it, so I never told him to stop. Once, he pulled down his pants and showed himself to me (but really, when you're six, what is there to see?). When the teacher caught him feeling me up one day, I was led down the hall to a room they called "The Secret Garden" (so weird...) where I played with some stupid dolls and told them where he touched me and all that junk...
I've always felt like they blew the thing out of proportion. I have no idea what they did to him, but I'm sure it was worse since he was the one who was doing stuff to me. They treated me like a total victim when I never felt like one at all.
I always thought it was just a childish self-discovery thing. It's not like it haunted me. I actually forgot about it until I got into junior high and they started talking about rape and all that. When I remembered what had happened, I felt really awkward about it- like I was damaged somehow, but only because I felt like I should have been. Like they told me "this is assault- this is a bad touch" and that meant it was no matter what I felt at the time. I don't believe that now, but if I'm really that messed up, could I just be justifying it to myself? Am I in denial?
All I know is what I feel, and that is, it was a harmless, innocent incident and it did not cause me to become a sexual deviant, despite the fact that I turned out to be a sexually liberal person.
Oy, they can make you so paranoid about yourself...:&

 

Yeesh, it does sound like it got blown way out of proportion. Kids that age experiment all the time. I totally did. I have fond memories of playing "You show me yours I'll show you mine" with a friend. (I also played "I'm the damsel in distress and you have to rescue me but you have to tie me up first...no seriously, you're not tying me up good enough". Years later I'm into bondage. Lol...)

It's assault if you didn't want it to happen and it did anyway. And it would be assault if he was much older than you. But a little playing around? That's just being six.

Poor kid was probably labeled as a deviant for the next ten years.

 

He was held back a few years, but I don't know if it had anything to do with that... He had a lot of homework issues. We were very close friends back then (obviously) and it was sad when we were separated like that... Years later, we've started talking again. He hits on me a lot, but he's never brought that "incident" up since we were 6, lol.

 

Oh, you should totally ask him about it! It'd probably do him good, actually, to be reassured that whatever happened it wasn't because YOU were upset about it.

Just make sure that the first words out of your mouth are "It wasn't a problem for me, but" or something - just in case he still does feel guilty about it.

More importantly, is he cute?

 

yeah, that's way out of proportion if they punished him. if he was having issues at home though, that can sometimes be a a red fleg to be investigated. when i had to testify in a molestation case when i was 10, suddenly everyone came out of the wordwork and wanted to tell me their secrets. one of them got caught in a similar situation, and was removed from that particular foster home. it might not have been as bad as you recall, hopefully it's not. but i'm glad you can look back at that situation with such common sense and a lack of projected guilt from your parents and school

 

That's not bad advice... I don't hear from him very often, just every once in a while, but maybe I'll ask him if he remembers...
As far as cute goes... not in the traditional sense, lol. He's one of those chubby redhead types that thinks he's a pimp... yeah. So it's cute in a way, I guess... :tongue:

 

I really have no idea what his home life was like, but I never heard anything of the sort. I would think he would have told me, but when you're young I guess you block it out or you're too scared, so anything is possible.

My mom never made me feel guilty about it. She made sure to mention appropriateness and how you shouldn't do those things in school, but she never did that "Bad Woofy! Go to your cage!" thing that some parents do when they find out their child is involved in anything remotely sexual. It was mostly the school... Looking back, they may have thought I was being victimized, but seriously, I can't think of a thing I might have said to make them think that. I'm sure they were trying to protect me, but at the same time, they grossly overreacted, when a simple "we don't grope in class" would have done just fine.

 

I did it at school too. But never got caught. as I grew up I always figured it was normal.

 

it is normal. it's totally normal.

 

Who didn't play"doctor "or some form of touchy-feely when 6 or 7?I caught my boys when they were 7 or 8 looking at their female friend's crotch in one of our bedrooms with a flashlight.I'm sure she had been looking at them too.I didn't say anything,just told 'em to come eat dinner or some such.What good would it have done to tell them it was nasty or wrong or god's gonna get you?They're all fine.

 

what's sad is what probably happened to this little boy. hopefully the adults involved didn't make him feel like a rapist/monster/pedophile/freak.

it's not safe to normal, especially for boys/men, imo.

 

If the grown-up you feels good about yourself when you now set boundries, I don't think you are messed up or in denial.

 

like that little boy who was suspended and treated like a monster for stealing kisses in kindergarten. fuck, man.

 

Being taken to the "secret garden" sounded more perverted to me, lol. Hope you're healthy and happy one way or the other.

 

Are you kidding me??

I totally had a boyfriend in kindergarten... bossed him around a lot, too, lol. It was the last time I was ever dominant

 

my 5 year old came home from kindergarten with a ring on her finger. her third boyfriend to propose actually brought her a ring. she's very careful with it. when she was getting ready for gymnastics she carefully pulled it off and said "i have to take good care of this, because it's a wedding ring."

dave's gonna get a headache. lol.

 

Okay, THAT is adorable...

 

hmm i think we all use defense mechanisms but hey if it doesnt really bother you you were pretty young so i wouldnt fret about it but you may need to talk about it or something if you are incessantly thinking about it and stuff

 

The only time I think about it is when they make me feel weird about it in those rape crisis classes... They're so paranoid that they make me paranoid. :tongue: I usually just end up feeling defensive, like "back off, man, I'm perfectly fine." That's they way it's always been. I never felt weird about it till someone piped up and TOLD me it was weird...
Adults are silly. I plan to avoid being one for as long as possible. :tongue:

 

yea like ive never been sexually assaulted but like random people have touched me and stuff too i guess and like once one of my coaches felt me up and like this other random guy walked up and kissed me this one time and i just kinda freeze but i dono stuff like that has happend so much that now i dont think anything of it so yea i dono life goes on but its not like it was peachy so yea i dono