We are the rib is not the measure of woman nor is man the unable to bare reflection of woman We are inertia together enveloped and inseparable not ying and yang nor mother and father We are not gender-the name given to emotional conditioning instinct is compassionate and goes by neither name We are our children are not the fruits of our labour they are the hand that plucks from the tree We are the garden is not domestic zenith for we are the seed not the harvest We are unable to dissolve together again for our pleasure is dependant on one another as is the affirmation of our learned gender roles We are so shall the hand continue to pluck and the seed continue the harvest you are a good woman you are a good man We are
very enjoyable. =) this would be a very good piece to read aloud. I'd encourage you to take it to a poetry reading. =)
Just a suggestion, but I would put a comma after every "we are", I stumbled on the pace without it because lines would merge and read like this "We are the garden is not domestic zenith". But if you had your own intention, then that's cool too. There is something about your ending that I really liked.
When I first wrote it I had a comma after each one but I left them out. I wanted each "We are" to come off as more of a statement over and over again until it really sinks in that all we are is that we are. Nothing more, nothing less, no expectations. I feel it should read; "We are" (pause) "The garden is not..." It's eliminating those antiquated roles and social stigmas that are not in fact true. The ending is a repetition of that simple idea that we just are. If we acknowledge that in it's simplicity it's much easier to be a good/happy person. Thank you for the feedback, it's always greatly appreciated.
I keep opening your poetry threads only to find youve taken everything down...judging from the responses, I feel like I should be disappointed
Submissions All submissions to the Hip Sites*, including (but not limited to) postings, e-mails, creative works (poetry, stories, etc.), and other such voluntarily contributed material become the property of Hip Inc. to publish on websites owned by Hip Inc., in books or other printed materials published by Hip Inc., in related materials (compilations), advertising materials, and other materials generated by Hip Inc. unless specific instructions otherwise are included with the posting or submission. In other words, by submitting or posting something to any Hip Site* you are conveying a limited right to Hip Inc. to publish the work within Hip Inc.'s publishing domain. You still retain all other rights to your works and can publish them elsewhere if you choose I'm not nuts about that.
Hip Inc doesn't know how to publish us! It has such an awkward way of asking for assistance, it's embarrassing.
It's the, "become the property of Hip Inc" part that I'm uneasy about. I'm not exactly clear on or care for that part.
