I honestly feel in a lot of ways, maybe it's just because of my geographical location I have surpassed (at least mentally, I don't feel so much emotionally) the intelligence of a lot of my peers. I may not have the know how in a lot of trades or any credentials , but if we were to delve deep into philosophy, the workings of humans or the mind, I would blow them away. I have had a cat scan of my brain, and nothing is wrong. Been to psychiatric wards, and they all say I'm intelligent and have a lot of potential, they cannot diagnose me. Every teacher in school said the same thing, that I waste my potential. I really just got bored as fuck all the time, nothing really stimulates my mind, everything they had to offer was BORING. I was more into psychology, philosophy, Logic/Reasoning, and Creative or spiritual pursuits. People want to sit around and have small talk, I cannot stand it, it bores the fuck out of me, I just want to discuss deep topics, fuck the normal everyday mundane that the population understands. A lot of times in my life I have put on the persona of the dumb guy just to get a long with or make my peers feel better about their selves. I have to get high or altered in some way just to enjoy the company of others, and the things they do. All the average human interests and behavior, are boring. My mind just races to different subjects, people my age want to talk about who they fucked, some new game, some happening, boring shit. I have to get high to sit and listen to them. I don't think it's withdrawal, I just can't stand the average mentality anymore (at least who I have been exposed to.) My Dad cries cause he thinks I'm going to hell(which in my opinion his vehement views on Christianity is the real insanity) for my point of views, and my Mom is ashamed of me thinking I'm going crazy. I think I am just shedding and maturing, going onto a new stage of development and awareness. I get hyper a lot, irritable, hard to sit still, hard to still my mind unless it is on Music, or some working out some deep contemplation. Which in my opinion is good, I just need to channel the "excess" energy. I honestly think I'm a perfectly healthy human being, just have a higher intelligent qoutient than most in my area ( not saying globally) and it's hard to find people to relate to. Emotionally though I am not as evolved. I can't control my anger towards people, minor annoyances set me off. My mood is always going crazy, as said above I am rarely calm. I wouldn't call myself paranoid as I don't have unwarranted fears, so much as hyper aware in situations to negative social cues and they bug me or set me off more than most, considering I am pretty much around negative people all the time, that is a normal reaction. I can tell very well social ques, I just don't respond (willfully), as I am not interested in another dramatic human in my life I have very little in common with. I can tell emotional needs and know what to do to help, but don't see how if it isn't my fault how I'm supposed to be the big hero. It's hard to fill life's mundane responsibilities when my mind is always in the ether, you know? and I feel I need to grow emotionally, because where as I used to have a lot of empathy for people and still do feel that, my drive to fulfill that is pretty much gone and I'm ready just to get my own life moving and let the people around me even family and friends just die in their own problems.
