What does it mean?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by PAman, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. PAman

    PAman Member

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    Hi everyone! I just found this awesome forum, and I was hoping some of you might be able to give me your thoughts on a situation going on in my life. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post my question...

    I should start by saying that my girlfriend and I have been together for over five years now. And, she is extremely sexual, at least to me haha. Her default mood is horny. Anyway... we have a really great guy friend that we have both known for years. My girlfriend and I were talking one day, when she revealed to me that she finds this friend to be extremely attractive and that she has sexual feelings for him. We talked it out and I told her that I have no problem at all with her wanting to mess around with him, or actually doing stuff with him.

    A couple months ago, the three of us went on a camping trip and slept in the same tent. During the first night, the conversation between all of us turned very sexual. During the second night, my girlfriend got naked at our friend's request. He touched her a bit and rubbed her pussy a little, but said that he didn't know if he wanted his first time to be a threesome.

    Ever since the trip, I have noticed that he is always inviting my girlfriend to hang out with him and his other friend, who is a lesbian. He only will invite me to go with them if I am in the same room while they are making plans. Now, I don't mind my girlfriend going out with them, because I work full time and am usually working in the evenings or early mornings, so late nights aren't too much of an option. My girlfriend and I have a rule that she is to tell me anything sexual that happened while going out. So far, she has told me that our friend is constantly grabbing her ass, rubbing her thighs, squeezing her boobs, making sexual suggestions, he talks about the two of them making out, he un-tied her top while they were in a hot tub with friends and some other things that I am not recalling at the moment.

    Anyway, one day, while they were alone in his car, my girlfriend straight up asked if he wanted to have sex with her. He basically told her that he would like to, but he sees it as cheating since she is in a relationship. She told him that we had talked and that I had no problems with it at all, but he still said he felt like it was cheating. Later on in the night, he said that one of his friends, who is a married girl, is coming home from another country and wanted to have sex with him. He said that he was probably going to do it because they were such good friends. I personally don't think he is serious, because he is sort of a tease, and I think he was trying to make my girlfriend jealous or something.

    After basically saying that have sex with her is cheating, he is still continuing with his flirting behavior and being touchy feely with her, and again he goes out with her while not inviting me along.

    So, I was wondering if anyone had any ideas as to what is going on with him? My girlfriend is very confused and aroused by his behavior haha.
     
  2. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    sounds like he has some issues. i don't know specifically what they are though.
     
  3. spykewade

    spykewade Guest

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    dude..you shouldn't let it happen even if he is your best friend beside i think telling your girlfriend that you are okay with the fact that she can do stuff with him is sort of a "start up"to something new, she might think that you don't like her anymore so that's why you are giving her freedom to do whatever she wants and girls actually like it because it will be their best reasons to break up.
    whats going on with your best friend is so simple..he is simply trying to attract your girlfriend, make her jealous to push her to break up with you and then he'll win the game...you shouldn't let it happen, until the issue get bigger because she might not stop thinking about your best friend and you might suffer from this.
     
  4. serena3

    serena3 Member

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    jeez my boyfriend would be pissed. don't let her have hang out with him like that. you guys have been together for five years, but I just hope she is not susceptible to this guys manipulation. go kick some ass! I shouldn't condone violence, but if he's touching her and being flirtatious with her and she doesn't want it then kick his ass. I would ask her to stop hanging out with him if he was doing those things.
    also, when a girl in a relationship sleeps with another guy or vice versa, even with the permission of the other partner, it will put a strain on the relationship. unless the people involved can all deal with it the right way, which is probably really hard.
     
  5. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    obviously she wants it.
     
  6. serena3

    serena3 Member

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    I would not be so calm about something like that. if it happens a few times that can be dealt with. but all the time hanging out together and flirting and not inviting you? sounds like you two need to sit down and have an open honest talk.
     
  7. Marchfool

    Marchfool Member

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    Bacially it doesn't matter. The OP and his g/f aren't serious about each other so what's the point of caring who each other sleeps with. You might as well just have an open relationship. Well that's how I see it. This isn't a relationship based on love so what does it really matter you both do?
     
  8. PAman

    PAman Member

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    Thanks everyone for your thoughts and opinions. As was mentioned by one person, my girlfriend really enjoys his flirting and teasing. But, she is frustrated because she doesn't think he will ever do anything with her. I should also mention that our friend is sort of a tease by nature. He will often say or do something just to be funny, but my girlfriend says that she knows him well enough to know that he is being kind of serious about the things he does to her.

    Just the other night, they went out with another mutal friend and the entire night, he was making my girlfriend slap his ass. She said that he did the same to her a few times and also grabbed her boob. She kind of took it as him doing it because he was a little tipsy.

    I do sometimes wonder if something is going on though. Just yesterday, him and I were walking past my girlfriend at work. I told her that I would talk to her after work later that night. Just as I was walking away, he stopped over and he said something about texting her to hang out after her shift the next night, which is tonight. I talked to her for a minute today, and she said she would call me after work. It has been two hours since she got off work, and still no call. I am the type of person where if you say you are going to call, then I expect a call I don't call you after waiting around for your call. This no calling thing is normal for her to do. When hanging out with our friend and another mutual friend, she will tell me that she will call to let me know what they are going to do and most times I never get a call back.

    I have asked her a number of times whether she has feelings other than sexual ones for our friend, and she always says no.

    Update! She finally called me and said that they went out to eat with another mutual friend. She said that he kept on lifting up her skirt and kind of checking her out. She was wearing blue tights, which are see through, and a pink thong.
     
  9. whitney340

    whitney340 Guest

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    First of all that is F*****. This guys been given the green light to have sex with her, so if that was his goal he would have taken the opportunity. You should probably just pull him aside and have a man to man with him and see whats up. If you still want to be friends with him you need to put all the cards on the table and talk it out.
     
  10. PAman

    PAman Member

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    I've actually tried just talking to him about everything. When it is just the two of us, and the conversation turns into sex stuff, then he seems to always change the subject, but it always seems to be about something that we just passed by. So either he is trying to change the subject or it is unintentional. He will only talk about sex with my girlfriend. The other day, her and their gay friend were goofing around showing each other nudes on their phone. My girlfriend tried showing him, but he said that he had already seen her naked.
     
  11. fkkbg

    fkkbg Member

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    I have seen this situation in my personal life. Your girlFriend loves the attention so she is not motivated to change anything. The problem is between you and your guyFriend. The problem is competition and not cooperation. This 3-way relationship will not have a happy ending. Greed is stronger than love between all three of you.
     
  12. PAman

    PAman Member

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    Thanks for sharing your opinion! I have never thought that my friend was trying to compete with me, but I have a hard time picking up on that stuff unless it is basically brought to my attention.

    My girlfriend does love the attention she is getting from him though. Her and I have already had many long discussions on this topic and I have told her that I am comfortable with her trying to further a purely sexual relationship if she wishes. She is just unsure whether or not our friend's behavior towards her indicates whether or not he is interested in her.

    I do think that perhaps he does sometimes make plans with her, knowing that I can't come along because of my work schedule. Just recently he invited me to go with them to some haunted house or whatever. Then, he told my girlfriend that he invited me because he thought it was the nice thing to do.
     
  13. PAman

    PAman Member

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    Well, now she is sort of ticked off that our friend has been suddenly acting standoffish with her. He keeps telling her all the girls he thinks are hot, which she doesn't mind too much. I sort of think he is acting out to make her jealous or something, but she is taking it all to mean that he is telling her that he was attracted to her, but now he finds her unattractive. She is super confused and kind of sad that her two biggest fantasies might never come true.
     
  14. qtox91

    qtox91 Member

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    idk what your doing but if i were you id be out pissin on my territory
     
  15. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    golden showers are good fun, and as a bonus the friend will probably not be at all interested afterward, at least until she's showered..
     

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