didn't exist anymore. that would suit me more than staying on this earth. i have no purpose, nothing and noone can make me happy. I have severe generalised and social anxiety, accompanied with panic attacks. living like this is horrible and i hate taking all these drugs. i hate the way the world is and every day just brings more violence and shit, never anything good. humans are cancer. i have no dreams, no hopes, no expectations. i just dont want to be here anymore. what if i just took my entire xanax bottle (2mg tabs) ... do you think that would work?
If you really had no expectations you wouldn't be disappointed with the ways thing are, just sayin' though. I think everybody goes through things like this to some degree, at least everybody who's ever been a close friend of mine could relate and has mentioned something very similar. Gotta hit bottom before you look up sometimes though.
:grouphug: your soul chose to be a human. you obviously feel the pain of the earth. i know where you're coming from. keep pushing forward! don't give up now. your reason for being here, may never be known to you, but that doesn't mean you should just give up. you knows you better than anyone! research, read, discover more about you. keep asking questions... even if the question is only "HELP?!?!" i got your back!
Have you ever really stopped and listened to a bird sing? Or seen a beautiful dropw of dew as the sun makes it shine vibrantly while it lays on a blade of grass? Or what about simply enjoying a cool breeze in your hair? Or the colors of the city? The taste of your favorite food? What about laughing at a really good joke? Next chance you get, go outside. Take a walk. Even a short one. And just look, just listen, just feel. Don't judge. Don't criticize or complain or compare. Just look, feel, and be. Really live each moment for what it is. Beautiful beyond our comprehension. But when you live in a world of judgement, or live in the future or the past, its hard to really notice it. You hate the world for what it is. You don't feel you have a purpose. But you aren't allowing life to be what it is. If you don't like the world, make it your purpose to change it. What is nearest to your heart? Go after that, bring beauty into the world. But first accept what is. Accept what is now. If you don't like it change it, if you don't want to change it then let it be. But when you allow your mind to outright reject what it is and refuse to even live because it is not the world you want, you are only allowing yourself and the world to be destroyed. Peace and Love
thanks for your replies guys, i very much took them on board, confusingly. i've just had a really big "fun" weekend but they were people i didnt even know and i felt so isolated. i have one friend who i can talk about this stuff but she idolises me a little bit so i feel bad for break down on her. i am so conflicted. i have little dreams but i dont really believe that it will happen. after everything thats happened i think i have some bad karma coming my way. *sigh* i want to either kill myself or run away and form some different identity somewhere random -- only i have debts so it would be very hard to get money for that. i just feel like my pain very much outways my coping mechanisms. especially with my mental state as it is. it just keeps telling me that its the best way out sometimes.
just talking to us about it, puts you on the right path. i know that 'die or fly' feeling all too well. i did "runaway" and nothing changed because i was still there. things will change for you. it is never going to always be happy, great times. (sucks, i wish it could be too) if you learn something when things do go wrong, then it was worth it in some weird twisted way. there are plenty of good books out there that help teach coping skills. i don't know your background story so i can't really suggest anything, but look into it at the library or book store. keep pushing forward! i can tell you are smart for the big words you use in your post. you can do this, you can figure this out. i believe in you! :grouphug:
I feel almost exactly the same way most of the time, and my social anxiety definitely doesn't help. Feel like I couldn't get my life together no matter how bad I wanted to, because dealing with people in the real world is too scary for me. I've had this idea that it's just easier to kill myself than to bother working my problems out, though I very likely won't because I still have roughly 50 years ahead of me to figure it all out and get my shit together. You live this life once, and you'll never know what's going to happen unless you live it out and see. Made it this far already, past those dreadful teen years even, so that's a good start right? I certainly think so! Despite my problems now, I've really come a long way from a few years ago, and I would have never experienced that if I had given in. I've found that for me personally, the bouts of depression don't last all too long. It's all just a matter of passing the time until it goes away. Put on a sitcom or a comedy movie, try yoga, meditate, tell your problems and woes to any pets you may have (but don't bother if you have a narcissistic cat like I do-- only cares about himself, that asshole) because sometimes you just need someone to listen, have a good cry; anything to either distract yourself and cheer you up or get out your feelings without doing anything destructive to yourself. It's just a matter of trying to find your own way of coping, so keep trying new things until you're on to something. I really hope you get past this point in your life, it's such a terrible way to feel!
thank you. so much. my dog was my best friend but he just died of prostate cancer, a month or two ago. i'm desperately trying to convince my parents to let me get a little cat (hopefully not one like yours) i need a pet to love and look after, maybe that might make me want to look after myself too. i live by myself, and i just have stopped eating, i dont get hungry anymore. so much shit has happened and i dont want to live life if all it is going to be is work, shit, work, shit, stress, work... i wont be able to deal.
Sorry to hear about your dog, that sounds just awful. Hopefully you'll be able to bring another furry companion in your life soon, pets are always terrific at making you feel better when you're down. They have their own little ways of trying to cheer you up when they sense you need it. Hmm, I think I sorta know how you feel. Well, except for me it's sitting around doing nothing all day instead of work (Wish I had work though. If I'm going to be forced to spend my day depressed, I'd like to get paid while I do it...). Everyday is that feeling of "I'm a piece of shit whose life isn't going anywhere, why bother?" But, lately I've randomly snapped out of a few of my smaller issues, which kinda gives me hope for my much bigger ones. Things will fall into place, it just takes time (too much time if you ask me ). It's never an easy process, and it will definitely take some time, but I know you're strong enough to get through it. Hell, you opened up to strangers about feeling this way, that's a huge deal in my book.
