Why doesn't anybody like me?

I am just average.

Here is a photo of me: http://www.************/pages/RTist/245475647795#!/photo.php?pid=3458432&id=647833258

But it started when I was real young. I was in K but I was the kid who was mean to the other kids. I only did that my first year in school but by the time I was in 1st grade I changed. I was really nice and I wanted to actually make friends. But all the kids remembered me as a trouble maker and the bully. So I was severely bullied from 1st-6th grade. I tried to not let it fuck with me but I think it just turned me into a weird kid. But it never bothered me and I would always stand up for myself. While most kids had a couple good friends, I had no friends. Nobody I could relate to and I always ate lunch with the teachers so I wouldn't get bullied. The teachers actually made me eat with them at first because they felt bad. They would eat with me and be overly nice to me so I would feel good about myself. lol. At least that's what I think now.

After 6th grade, my parents wanted to move me out of that school. I switched schools and was happy at the next school. It was my chance to start over. I made friends the first day. I was so excited and I made friends with everyone from every group/click. I guess I didn't have any social skills from before and I was so concerned about being liked. I never had a friend before. But a few weeks into this new school, I realized all my friends from each group, all were kinda giving me the cold shoulder. Then pretty much on the same day they all ganged up on me and I did not have friends after that. There was no reason for them to gang up on me and harass me for the next few years.

In 9th grade, my parents separated and I decided to move in with my dad so I could have the chance to go to a new school. And I did that. Still, beginning high school, I never had a friend. But I again, made friends my first week of school. It was the same thing at the last school. Made friends, a month later lost em all, get ganged up on and severely made fun of like the last couple schools. Other students would tell me they can't talk to me because their friends wouldn't like them anymore. I noticed if I ever did make friends, they would quickly move on because people would threaten their reputation as well. I was more talkative, opinionated and stuck up for myself a lot more often than I do now. I never let anything bother me then. But my parents decided to home school me my senior year because I had such bad luck making friends.

During college, I went to a community college where people kinda just did their own thing. I was no longer made fun of anymore, but I stayed quiet and didn't socialize with anyone. My actual feelings were that if I showed people who I really am, they wouldn't like me and I'd get made fun of. So I thought it's best to just be quiet. Almost a mute. I had a job but my boss really hated me. Like she would make me wanna cry every day and threaten me. She would treat me different than everyone else but I did good work there. People would just say she always likes to choose one employee to just treat like shit and she chose me. I was told it's nothing personal. But I actually made one friend there. She showed me around to a bunch of people in town and I made a solid group of friends. I even dated a few people and thought I finally had some friends. This group of people, were mostly just hippies who got together every night, guys and girls, all between the ages of 18-30. We'd all hang out every night and I was always busy. I was having fun.

But after hanging out with them for a year, I started dating this one guy. I was 19, he was 24. We didn't date long at all. We dated for maybe 2 weeks but he broke up with me for no reason at all. But oh well. Then after we broke up I was no longer aloud at all these people's houses because they didn't want any after breakup drama. Which was weird, there was no drama. I already knew we were going to break up soon because it just wasn't working. He almost seemed like he was judging me the whole time we dated and I could just tell he wasn't really interested in me after the first week. So then, I had nobody to hang out with. Nobody liked me for whatever reason. I really think there is some really fucked up rumor about me that I don't know of. Because people were really weird to me that whole time. And I wasn't aloud at anyone's house anymore. Even on my 21st birthday, I went to the bar alone and spent the entire time getting drunk while making phone calls and begging people to come out. Two people came out but I had to buy them a drink and they'd show because their excuse was that they didn't have money. So both people who came out, kept asking for drinks and both of them randomly snuck out without saying goodbye. After that, I gave up on making friends.

I just worked all the time, I was lonely, and I was never treated right at any of my other jobs. I was harassed and treated like shit because people saw me as a target for some reason. At every job I had, co workers would yell at me even though I did okay with my job. One job, they started me out at 30 hrs a week and went down to 3 hours a week because my co workers would tell the boss to not schedule them with me. But usually my bosses always thought I did good work. But people at jobs would always say they don't like my personality.

When I was 22, I met this guy. I liked him a lot from the beginning for some reason but I was so shy around him. I thought he wouldn't like me. We went on a couple dates and he worked at a restaurant and I met him through someone that worked with him that I barely knew. After we went on a few dates, this guy's co workers found out he was dating me. He said about 20 people would harass him every day because he was seeing me. All these people that worked with him, between 18-40 years old, people who I never even met, were telling him really negative things about me. People would talk about me like they knew me and like they really had something against me. He said that some people would tell him to never bring up my name. He was told all these things about me, that he later told me what they said and some how these people believe these rumors, that aren't even close to true. 98.9% (random stat) of these people I never even met. Some of these people were older, married with kids, talking shit about me like this is high school. Stuff that isn't even true. This guy I met didn't want to believe any of it but almost did because if everyone tells him the same thing, it must be true. But he ignored them and told them to not say anything bad about me while he's around. So they stopped and this guy was the first person to stand up for me and think for himself. 5 years later, we're still together today. He is my only real friend.

He is all I really need and he dropped all his old co-workers and only hangs out with good people. All his friends like me, but they are all his friends and they don't really wanna hang out without him. But he and all his friends don't understand why people don't like me. They've all been told crap about me from someone somewhere, but were mature enough to think for themselves. And they all stick up for me. But I do feel lonely all the time. When I'm not with my bf, I have no one to hang out with. If I look up my contacts in my cell phone, I only have my mom and my boyfriends number. I have his friends numbers too but none of them answer if I call. They are all really busy anyway. I need to make friends on my own. In the past 2 years, I made two other friends on my own. Most of the time when I meet anyone, guys or girls, they don't wanna hang out after meeting. I'll ask for their number sometime and nobody wants to give it out. I also never get asked for my phone number. Nobody ever even comes up to me and start a conversation either. When I do that to someone, I get bizarre looks and nobody wants to talk. I now have severe social anxiety and I always just assume nobody will ever like me.

I moved to California for awhile and I made like 5 friends a day. Like real friends. People who would actually wanna hang out, call me, and I'd hang out with the same people all the time. And I still talk to them on a regular basis. It seemed like I made no effort with anyone from California and they'd all like me, while here in the mid-west, I always seem to rub people the wrong way when all I want is a few friends. Same with when I was in Miami. One girl I met, within 5 minutes of knowing me she told me she didn't like me because I'm too laid back. I didn't think there was such a thing? The only people who I made friends with here, are 2 girls. The first girl, stole some checks from me and stole some job applications which have a lot of personal information on it. The second girl, I've been friends with for 2 years actually, and she is the only person from that one group of friends who didn't stop hanging out with me. But when she started dating some guy who stole some stuff from my old house and tried to start it on fire, she tried to bring him over to my new house and she knows how I feel about him. She was going to bring him over anyway but I told her I didn't want him over. She decided to not be my friend after that. It's not just me though, that guy isn't aloud at a lot of people houses either for the same reason. Not all these people I know are trouble makers.

Sorry such a long thread. I just didn't want to miss all the details. I don't want people to think "well maybe you're a bitch" because there really isn't anything I do or don't do that would make people not like me. haha. I know one group of people claimed it was because I'm emotionless and manipulative but I just laughed at that. Maybe I try and show that it doesn't bother me and that's why people would say I'm emotionless. I'm also afraid to get close to people now because all this little stuff over 26 years just kinda added up in a negative way. I don't have social skills and within the past couple years I've become socially awkward which I used to never be like that. Now people just don't like me because of my awkwardness. But I won't notice I'm being awkward. My boyfriend doesn't understand why I can't make friends. It seems so easy for him to make friends. He's made more friends in the past year than I have in my life. And he doesn't really do much. He just connects with people better than I do. People complain that they can't really connect to me. I don't know why. I have a lot of interests. I like music, raves, music festivals, nature, animals, art, history and anything creative. I just don't know what to think about people anymore. I'm thinking about moving back out west with my boyfriend but he has back problems so we don't know how to find doctors and he needs to get transferred out west with his work. But until then, I am still seeking a solid group of friends. I need some female friends. If I got married, I wouldn't have any brides maids. lol.

But I never really get help for any of this. Should I talk to a shrink? I don't have insurance and I'm not sure how much that will cost. Again, sorry so long and sorry about the winey ramble. lol. I have too much time on my hands.

 

Oh, and I don't expect answers. I just had to get that shit off my chest. I'm not looking for advice or insults. Unless you feel it's necessary.

 

Well Alicia, you don't LOOK overly weird.

I like to talk, and my time isn't overly booked lately. Wanna talk? I know I'm old enough to be your father, but I think I could entertain you pretty well. Also I'm fairly observant and pretty open - and I grew up in California, where I made most of MY lasting friends - so if I got to know you I MIGHT possibly get some insights for you - or just have fun talking.

Just a thought - if not, no problem. Check my profile and see what you think. Truth in advertising...

 

Honestly, I think it's mostly luck.

I have no clue why my girl likes me =P

And I really don't see where I would have met anyone else.

I might actually read your thread later, but luck is the answer regardless of your thread's ample length

 

well you are really pretty and look like a nice person.

As a previous poster said it s just luck,

So try not to let it get you down too much . Remember its the other person's shit if they don't like you and its not you

good luck in making some friends

 

Not fitting in and getting along with the majority of people that you meet is a good thing...

Have you looked around at the 'majority' of people? Look at the society we live in... it was built by the 'majority'...

If you are insincere, blow smoke up peoples ass and can talk for hours about absolutely nothing of relevance to the real world, then you would have all the friends you could ever think you needed...

Be who you are, and be proud of it or change who you are until you can be proud of it.

As for the rest of the world who may not like you? Fuck them, why would you want assholes like that for friends anyway?

 

You shouldn't TRY and make friends. Friends come to you when you don't try at all (as you said) Trying to do something ever works, you just do it. You think too much when you try and when you try not to think you think even more and send off all the wrong energies. Get what I'm saying?
Oh and sorry if what I said was confusing

 

One other thing I might mention - it sounds like you've met a lot of assholes. Which is not unusual at all, cuz there are so many, though maybe you've met more than your fair share. You're well rid of them. The trick is to spot them and understand what they are early on, as much as possible. Then you can blow them off before they mess with you.

 

Lovekush I know EXACTLY how you feel. I live in Philadelphia and everyone here is a pillpopping wanna be gangster. So hard to find someone that can actually call me to chill.

 

I think it was Jonathan Davis who said:
"people laugh at me because i'm different, I laugh at them because they're all the same."

I always found it difficult to make friends because in the real world most people judge each other before even trying to connect. Most of my old friends think I am too open minded, (imagine that!!). I have fought with so many people for challenging their narrow-minded views and have even lost friends over it. But at least I know that the few friends I have are real and genuine, people like that are one in a million! People measure each other by their number of friends, I think this is very wrong.
There is no way you need to see s shrink either, they will just try to make you act like everyone else. Be free. Forget other peoples opinions about you, those opinions don't matter and never will.

 

i like ya !

 

Come back to cali. You sound like a nice girl. If u ever need to talk let me know!

 

I have to be honest, I didn't read your post (I skimmed!) because it was pretty long, but I looked at your photo and I think your ADORABLE. :]

 

you do look slutty.. but everyone in california likes this type of person.. esp me

 

I'm really sorry to hear that, girl. I know what it's like to live without friends and to gain and then lose them again.

It's really tough, because the best advice one can give is to be positive, because people are attracted to positive people: they feed off of it. But, of course, it's hard to be positive when you have no friends (for no apparent reason). I hope you find some girl friends soon, I currently am lacking some as well, but I'm putting myself out there and trying to do something about it.

I wish you all the best.

 

What exactly were these people saying about you anyway? The ones who "barely knew you" so to speak? I'm pretty curious what kind of shit people can pull out of their ass lol.

 

I have finally finished your original post =P

Reread it, and keep this thought in mind: maybe you are too shy and don't know how to make friends or stand up for myself

Tell me if it fits =)

 

Lovekush, after careful consideration I've decided I don't like you either. Wuddya think about that?

 

I almost didn't read all this because I thought it was too long (like some others!) but I write long stuff sometimes too to get it off my chest and I thought I might relate.. and goodness girl, I certainly did.
Ha, I almost got a little teary, because I've always felt really alone. When everyone you know, even the people who are so unkind or so strangely weird have at least a few really close friends.. and it's so hard for me to make ANY.. I just feel like the biggest freak in the world. I always think it's weird when people say this because no two people ever feel the same, but I do somewhat understand how you feel.
If I explained my life, my post would be as long as yours. And I'm not gonna steal your thread. But also, I don't even need to type it all out.. because you already did!
I've gone through all the same stuff. The one difference between us is I had a lot of friends when I was younger.. but that's because I never was able to be myself and stand up for myself like you do. Which is how I am now. I used to be a follower when I was little, and then by high school I started being my own person.
I'm kind of shy, which makes people think that I am stuck up and think that I think I'm something great. I never knew that people felt that way around me until after I graduated and it was too late.
Every friend I have ever had has ended up screwing me over.. in the worst ways.
I finally had a REALLY close friend, who was my best friend for years.. and she did something extremely horrid to me. Now I'm so terrified of having friends I don't know if I'm better off alone or not.
I also have a boyfriend who is pretty much the only person I have in my life. *sigh* And of course, my mama too. She's my best friend.
Sorry I made this longer than I intended.. I just want you to know you're not alone.

I know you mentioned seeing a therapist. I see one for other reasons and I think that it may help you if this bothers you a lot. Therapy is not for everyone though, and sometimes it does more harm than good! I agree that maybe you should try to stop making friends and worrying about it so much. I also think it's so great that you still are yourself. Please do not change for other people.
You have gotten some really great replies here. You are a very likable person and don't ever think for a second that your looks have anything to do with why people do not like you. (Well.. they might sweetie, but if anything, that is jealousy.) When others stoop to the level of making up lies and gossip about strangers (you in this case) I believe that quite often jealously may be behind this.. Have you ever thought this might it? I know it's not something you want to tell a lot of people because it makes you sound really self centered, lol. I mean really, who's going to say "No one likes me because they're jealous." Hahaha. But it's okay to know that on the inside.. it does happen, and it'll make you feel better to understand what's going on.

I finally realized a little bit ago why people were mean to me in high school. I did beauty pageants (not by choice, my parents made me), my parents were teachers and they are really great.. other kids were always saying they wanted my parents, I was lucky to travel a lot, etc. So I realized that a lot of people really wanted my life. On the inside I had depression, anxiety, a drug problem.. I had lupus, slipped discs in my back.. I was shy and scared and people were very mean to me. I know I was very lucky for my home life but no one really knew what was going on on the inside, and that's what matters the most. Anyway, realizing WHY people treated me the way they did really helped me get over everything that happened to me. I had a lot of horrid rumors spread about me as well. People were always saying mean things and I still hear really bad rumors. My boyfriend doesn't live in this city and he will be moving here soon.. I still worry about what he's gonna hear when he stars working here. *sigh*

Okay, sorry sorry sorry this is so long! I'm on my pain medicine so I'm SO rambly. I've written so much I don't feel like going through it so I'll tell you again (maybe?) that if you EVER need to talk than please message me. I'm a few years younger than you but I'd love to be there for you girl.

Stay strong!

 

I feel like Paul Rudd's character in 'I Love You Man' sometimes. Actually, all the time. I don't have close friends. My best 'friend' is my girlfriend. Outside of that I really don't have anything, and that's how it always is for me.