that we feel so down after we are broken up with? what is it about the relationship that we miss? or is it the person? i ask this because, after thinking logically about it, i realize that if anything i am back in the same situation as before i met her... but it doesn't feel the same as before i met her. so i've been thinking a lot, trying to figure out if we miss the person as a lover or as a friend, as someone to talk to or as something else? is it because of the stress society puts on relationships that we are more distraught after the end of a relationship than after the end of a platonic friendship of the same length? any thoughts?
I'd say a few things. Its going to vary depending on the relationship. For me its the friend aspect more than the lover. For I usually date people that I become friends with. I would say to me personally its the person. Going from contact with someone everyday to no contact whether its a lover or friend relationship your naturally going to miss them. I don't think society has anything to do with feelings of missing someone. And I recently got out deep relationship and Its taken me almost 2 months for me to feel like things are back to what they were before we dated, before I knew who she was. This is with no contact with her though for I have alot of hatred towards her now. I bet it takes longer if you remain friends.b And also this was with no action towards finding a new girl friend because I usually like to "get over" the last girl before I move on.
Because somebody or something that is with you for awhile becomes part of your life. So if you dated somebody for a year and then broke up, it would change part of your life and depending on how you felt about the relationship you would either miss it or get over it. I drink soda a lot and if i couldn't have it anymore i would miss it and i would feel bad cuz its so gewd.
I think you can feel horrible for several reasons: 1. You are disappointed. Sure, you are back in the same position as before in terms of belonging, but you obviously cultivated the relationship because you preffered it to not being in a realtionship. Now, you're disappointed that its gone. 2. You are disgusted with yourself for tolerating the person so long/trusting the person...etc. 3. You are hurt by the person because they betrayed your trust. I think we generally feel more upset about romantic relationships because we invest more in them and, on an evolutionary level, intimacy bonds us very strongly to a person. I also think that, although you can be the same after a relationship as before in terms of tangible items, a relationship can change you by showing you what love is, making you distrustful etc. So, we're not entirely the same.
