Wife had "room sex" before we married

I am 44 and have been married to my wife for almost 16 years. We have a great, loving relationship, she loves me, and I adore her, always have.

Well, last week, I found out that when she was in college, while living in dormitories, she and her boyfriend had sex while his friends walked in and out of the dorm. And that this happened often and that it didn't bother her.

She said "it wasn't a sex show" and that the friends didn't sit down and watch. But she also admits there were no covers on them and that she didn't mind being watched ("I'm a bit of an exhibitionist...").

I was pretty shocked by this!

I find this act downright slutty. And I'm sure she had "a reputation" at that small, private college for having been seen in this way. Had I been one of those friends, I'm sure I would have wanted a turn with her, but I would NOT have considered her marriage material!

So what do you think? What does this say about my wife's character?

 

Not a whole lot since it was over 16 years ago.

 

That she's fun to be around?

 

What is says about your character.. >you need to get out of that church more often..

 

But then how would he look down his nose at others?

 

Hey, folks, I'm not looking down my nose at anybody. I'm just being honest and looking for some opinions.

Yes, maybe I am way too uptight. Yes, it was many many years ago. Yes, my wife is a wonderful wife and has never given me any reason to doubt that.

Thanks for the options. (No thanks for the disrespect)

 

I think the L&S and Relationship forums need a big ass sticky like the dread forum has about getting flamed.

If you have a single digit post count and you post about something sex related, you will seen as a troll by most and treated as such.

 

I am brand new to this forum. Have I done something wrong? I do not follow what you're getting at in your feedback to me.

I do know what "trolling" means in a forum, but I do not see how my situation/question could be misconstrued as such.

I thought (hoped) this whole forum was an open-minded one NOT filled with the usual "I'm soooo much smarter than you cause I've been on this forum sooooo long" bit.

I think I have a single-digit count because I just posted this an hour ago.

WHAT AM I MISSING HERE? If this forum is a big private party, let me know, I'll go away.

 

bro ur good dont let people turn u away just cuz some ppl make negative comment post what u want

 

Was just making an attempt at humor. My apologies for the perceived disrespect.

 

So what is the problem? :toetap05: It seems to me you are looking for trouble where none exists.

When you look for trouble, you always find it.

 

I wouldn't think any less of your wife. Since you seen bothered at the scenario you should talk to her and realize that those events lead her to become the woman you married and still love today. The bottom line is this: dont worry what society thinks but live and enjoy life to its fullest!



Now here is another side of the coin: what if the friends did join in? There is nothing wrong so long as trust wasn't broken and everyone was open about it. Would you think less of her then? With that said, tables turned, you said you would want to join in. Does that make you less desirable as a husband? Dont be biased and judge her harshly for something you seem interested in.

Mobile

 

Okay, good feedback. Thank you, and thanks to Karen_J.

Karen_J, you are correct. There is no problem. It was just shocking to me, but hearing feedback from unbiased folks like you helps me accept it.

zerojanai, okay, point taken.

The thought of my sweet wife playing the part of a whore is, well, extremely exciting to me on a number of levels! I've always know she was deeply passionate, and a great and generous lover, I was just shocked to hear this detail.

Again, thanks for the feedback, folks.

 

It's less to do about you personally and more to do about the 'One Post Wonders' who came before you and general jadedness. You have no idea how many people stop by here and just spew out some sex or relationship post just to get people going and then never come back.

When this happens a lot, you become really skeptical of folk who on their first few posts lay out their private lives like that to a bunch of strangers. It is unfortunate that because of this, good people can get shat upon when they're new and mistaken as a troll.

Perhaps if there was a way to warn true newcomers of this, it would happen less.

Overall, the internet is much like real life in it's social conventions. Maybe it's a good idea to try and mingle before presenting strangers with your wife's old sex habits, or you will risk having them react to you in an unfavorable way.

 

Thanks for explaining a bit.

But we may just have to "agree to disagree," as it were. I'm here to participate, not lurk on the sidelines. This looks like a good forum for frank exchange about sex and relationships, which is what I was looking for.

Forgive my boldness, but here I am.

Cheers.

 

The question may be what does it say about your character if you're bothered by something she did in college but say you have a great loving marriage now.

 

Its not kind to refer to your wife like that. Glad you are excited, but please refrain from using names with derogatory origins. How would she feel if she were to read your posts?

Mobile

 

Nothing to forgive.

Welcome to the Show. :sifone:

 

Since your wife’s indiscretion (as it were) apparently took place more than 16 years ago, I’d think it says little about her present character – perhaps little about her character back when…

I suspect the issue is actually your own ego (no flaming intended) -- perhaps the thinking that others knew this of your wife while you didn’t. Most us have “skeletons” or have at least done things we aren’t especially proud of or that we would like to forget -- even if that part of your wife's past is none of those, it doesn't seem relevant or to have changed your feelings for her. If your wife has truly been “..a wonderful wife…” never giving you “.. any reason to doubt that…”, you should tell her that often and be overjoyed with your extremely good fortune of having found such a mate.

Regards and welcome to HF.

:sunny:

 

people have needs, if you can't get privacy, ya do what you gotta do to meet those needs.