I'm trying to write up a fairly large-scale short story in a sort of dystopian sci-fi environment, in the form of a bunch of mini-journals and narratives. This one's called "sharing elevators with strangers". Here's what I have so far, let me know what you think (don't feel bad saying if it sucks, just tell me why if you want to be helpful): "FACT: The average living center features well over 12 billion environmental information collectors, each of which is tuned solely to investigate the possibility of their own detection." -(Book); "So you're thinking about joining the Ministry of Information?"; (Author) David Engels It would seem as though hundreds of years of social conditioning and general disregard for the auditorilly handicapped has made sign language of any kind long extinct. It's degraded beyond just that. Gone now are the hand gestures of polite conversation which dominated the speech of the general populace, the high-fives signifying a job well done, or the hugs shared between greeting friends. People didn't feel safe when strangers had their arms in a position where muscle use violated the demands of gravity. Physically expressive behavior in general is largely disapproved of in society, and is considered blatantly unethical. If a stranger smiles at a passerby, his murder is usually acquitted under the premise of "justifiable homicide", or "self-defense". Frowns, however, are often acceptable, the explanation being that they're simply the result of involuntary muscle responses to.. living. Several medical remedies are available to correct frowns, but if some can't afford them... Well, you can't sue the poor for being poor. Unless they smile at you. Children are enfitted with vocal dampeners until the age of 12, but if they could talk, they would share with you the foundation of our society, the law of which every other rule is simply a subset of. It plays in the head more smoothly than the A-B-C's: "The Individual's freedom is primary above all else". The bastard who steps over the freedom of another will always be dealt with accordingly, so I must implore readers intending to visit our state to afford serious contemplation to their actions. If you wish to engage in an action the rest of society may find displeasure in witnessing, you best do so isolated from their senses. It is a blatant violation of the mind to find another individual attempting to make of their own imagination the reality which we all share. This is why art, philosophy and proposed ideas are only to be shared through open, documented consent, in the privacy of a licensed residence. Fools on the street who bear a chip on their shoulder will have all body parts north of the shoulders properly disposed of. All who witness an un-approved public display will be subject to intensive psychological surgery for a determined period of time, although I've never met a person lucky enough to return to Eden. Watch where your eyes stray.
To be honest, not trying to sound like I encourage you or anything: I actually love it and I find it interesting right from the first paragraph. I'd buy such a book (and read it too). Good luck...
It's an interesting premise, and there's satirical potential in this kind of uber-PC dystopia... I could see it becoming interesting or ending up ridiculous and boring. As is the case with a lot of late teens/early twenties writers anxious to tell the world all about their brilliant ideas, you've managed to make the ideas the focal point (damn university students) and haven't done anything about creating characters yet. Like it or not, characters are much more important than ideas in a novel... textbooks don't have them, but novels need them or they'll just end up self-serving. Tolstoy could write long, epic discussions with himself and pull it off because he had his characters discussing them as a dialogue with the narrator remaining neutral and serving only to present the facts, not to comment on them. It would be interesting to see what kind of characters would populate a world like the one you have described, provided it didn't involve 'one man fighting against an unjust society that suppresses what is right and natural, ie: contemporary Western values'...
