Worried about my 17 year old son

Hello all,

Every time my son has a girlfriend he becomes obsessed and does not come home until 10pm, I am so surprised his grades are good but this time around with this new girl he only met two months ago he started cutting class and failed one marking period due to his absentees. Yesterday they broke up and he went into a deep depression, when I came home he was laying on the floor crawled up into a ball crying, and he even says he wants to kill himself and that he hates god. He even said god I wish I had a beer to forget my depression. He also continued to say how he has not slept, ate, and can’t concentrate in school because of this girl. I did not know what to do so I gave him a valium so he can relax for the rest of the night. What should I do.

 

Sounds like someone is wanting some attention. Teenagers can be all about the drama at times. I wouldn't worry about it unless it becomes an everyday thing. Beyond that I think he is old enough to work through disappointment on his own. Just listen.

 

um, suicidla thoughts and threats arent just about drama, theyre a serious call for help. can you afford to get him into a therapist or counserllors office? they can really help some people. ask him what he hates about his life, help him evoke some chagnes in his life

 

The majority of the time they are. Most people who are serious about killing themselves don't give you the warning first. It is more used as the ultimate attention getter. Like I said if it becomes an everyday thing or he progressively gets worse then yea I might think more of it. He probably just wants some attention to feel better for his loss. I can say that I have heard something along these lines from quite a bit of people and they are all here today. Its usually not hard spoting the ones with self destructive attitudes.

 

explain to your son that there are lots of women out there and the reality of it is that he proobably wasnt going to be with her forever. just be a good listener and offer to help if you can but dont press him on the issue. another girl will come along and he will forget all about this one. he is to young to be that involved anyway. try to focus his attention back on school and the importance of an education.

 

He's going to pay as much attention to you as you paid to your dad.
Your profile says you are a 33 year old father of a 17 year old son, can we assume you are the step-dad? or did you listen poorly to your father?

In either case, it would be a good idea if you talked with a counselor at his school to see what your options are? They might also be able to give you a different perspective on whether he is just a heartbroken teen or whether something serious is going on.

 

I'm 17 and I have been in MANY relationships. Some of them were just for fun, 'exciteing crushes' I guess, but the ones I truly cared about and got close to really made me lonely when it ended. It sounds like that's what happened to your son: He found a girl he "can't" be without, and now he has to.

I know when I get over-emotional and depressed over an ended relationship, I just want a bit of attention and someone to let me know that no matter who I'm dating, if anyone, that I'm not alone. Let your son know that you have his back no matter what the circumstances and it will make this hard time just a bit easier.

Give it a week and if he is still distressed, then maybe worry about him a bit more. As for now, though, its just a breakup that will ultimatly be a learning experience and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Let him have his time to be sad; it will let him enjoy love even more the next time he gets to experience it.

 

Sounds like this is his first romance that has resulted in heartbreak. He will get over it, but see his school counselor to see if there are other things going on with him there. If his depression persists, take hin to a psychiatrist or psychologist.

 

Taking an unconsenting minor into forced "treatment" is mind mutilation by every definition. They'll force him onto antidepressants first, and once they've buttered him up they'll tell him what to think. Shame on anyone who asks for this route... Shame on them.

I feel for you and him, but what did you expect when you had a kid? Life sucks, and is worthless. People don't stay happy. They're miserable and then they get more and more miserable until one day they just die. That's the story of at least 65% of everyone who's ever lived... Why are people still having kids?

Be good to him, he's your kid. Don't have another. I don't know, that's what I think.

 

Sometimes teenagers will think they are depressed and suicidal (as others have mentioned it can be to get attention.) But, it's not something to risk so not doing anything could be bad. If the mentions of suicide are al for attention he probably doesn't really want to take any steps to help fix the depression. If it is, generally people would rather have the chance to feel healthy and happy. Telling him if he still feels depressed and suicidal in a week you will take him to see a doctor may help. If he shows interest, support him and be there for him.

 

The son is a minor and may need help. He should see a medical person if the depression lasts much longer.

 

Someone should have forced your ass into counseling. You might not be so negative. Perhaps you need to be on antidepressants?

 

I agree with the poster that said don’t medicate him into non-feelings. And I hope the point was there’s nothing worse then some one crying in their beer. Maybe if you sprang for a couple of pizzas for him and a buddy they could sit around the house and sort it out. Cheers!

 

If someone needs attention, why not give it? We all need extra love and support sometimes and it is too bad some people have to resort to suicide threats to get that love and support. I think this guy feels very lonely right now.

This young man probably has self esteem issues and he is definitely depressed. I agree with reassurance and counselling. He sounds like a very sensitive guy and this can really scar him badly if not handled correctly.

 

What a rabid dick you are... people come to different conclusions in life's journey, and maybe there are a good number of us who see things a little differently from you. We're born as a species that is spawned of Darwinism. The very reason we're here is because our ancestors were powerful enough and evil enough to come out on top through rape, murder and stealing. We're thrust into a world where hate, lying, injustice and hostility are the norm... We must cope with the bodies and minds that were given to us at random, and we are slaves to our own biology, be it in sadness/pessemism, insanity, physical inadiquicy, plain ugliness,awkwardness, stupidity and the like.

People like me feel that we scuttle about life with blood on our hands, helpless and without free will in an indifferent or hostile world, slaves to our very emotions. People like me feel that life is the ultimate adversity, and an intolerable one. People like me are deemed weirdoes because we think with our minds rather than our hearts: I mean, I can feel with my heart plenty well but I refuse to think with it. I refuse to think that the world is a good place just because I feel it is. From a strictly logical standpoint, the world is a nightmare. I stand by the idea that having children is cruel, and I stand by the idea that forcing your will through "therapy" or mind altering drugs is an even more profound cruelty than the former.

 

Some people just get REALLY obsessive about relationships (and everything else for that matter). I know the type. I used to be kind of bad about it myself - in 9th-10th grade, if I had a crush on someone I could barely eat because I would just be so anxious about it all the time, so fixated on it. Sounds like he needs to stop relying on other people/girls for happiness.

 

lol rabid dick

 

-"rabid dick" ...lol I like that one.

-"The very reason we're here is because our ancestors were powerful enough and evil enough to come out on top through rape, murder and stealing."

What the hell are you talking about? So because humans raped other humans, and murder each other, as well as steal from each other, we are here? how do you figure? How does rape, murder and stealing coincide with how we got here in this day and age?

-"People like me feel that we scuttle about life with blood on our hands, helpless and without free will in an indifferent or hostile world, slaves to our very emotions. People like me feel that life is the ultimate adversity, and an intolerable one. People like me are deemed weirdoes because we think with our minds rather than our hearts: I mean, I can feel with my heart plenty well but I refuse to think with it. I refuse to think that the world is a good place just because I feel it is. From a strictly logical standpoint, the world is a nightmare. I stand by the idea that having children is cruel, and I stand by the idea that forcing your will through "therapy" or mind altering drugs is an even more profound cruelty than the former."

You are torturing yourself for no good reson. Of course life sucks. Doesn't mean you have to wallow in self pity. O poor you! We have to make the best of this life if we are going to enjoy it at all. Think with your mind and overcome the negativity. We both have similar views of life in general, yet you are pessimistic and I am optimistic (at least in comparison).

And yes I was being a dick. Sometimes it can be fun

 

When a person focuses only on the negative aspects of life, that person cannot expect to feel anything but negative feelings. ChronicWhattever, you will never have peace of mind if you have such a narrow-minded view of the world. Beauty and positivity exists, but you have to allow yourself to see it.

To the OP: Keep a close eye on your son. I realize that there are people who threaten suicide in order to receive attention, especially during teenage years, but not everyone is insincere. I wouldn't rush him to a psychiatrist, but I would be very careful. It could be that he is just experiencing his first true heartbreak and doesn't know how to deal with it, or it could be something much more serious. If this isn't just a passing phase, I would look into getting him help. Above all, be there for him. Even if it is a cry for attention, he is doing it for a reason. I think that your support and understanding will mean a lot to him.