You might be a Republican if...

We're in some pretty serious times, so I'm looking to lighten things up a bit, and poke some fun at my favorite political party. Take this in the vane of Jeff Foxworthy's "you might be a redneck".

I'll kick it off with a few.

You might be a Republican if...

Dubya and McCain are your heros.

Obama is a terrorist (I mean he's got "Hussein" in his name, and Obama rhymes with "Osama", right?).

Sarah Palin is good for the women's movement.

Deregulation is good for the economy.

Social programs are a waste of money, but the bailout was a good idea.

Gay marriage goes against God's plan.

Iraq was responsible for 911.

You're willing to compromise your privacy to allow the government to spy on you, because that's in the best interest of national security.

You drive a Hummer.

You don't know anyone who lives in a trailer, or who makes less than fifty grand a year.

 

I guess I can give you a D for effort.

 

Give me an F, it was effortless.

 

Are you a republican, Sig?

 

You might be a republican if ...


you think global warming is a hoax but the second coming of christ is real.

 

You might be a republican if...

Your idea of socialism is helping rich people help themselves.

 

You might be a Republican if...

even cheating isn't going to work this year.

 

You do realize that Obama is against gay marriage, right? Because of his Christian beliefs, actually, i think he said.

 

Obama also voted for the bailout and FISA. Don't get me wrong, I'm not buying into the bipartisan crap that's largely responsible for the mess we're in, just trying to introduce a little humor into an otherwise depressing situation.

If I wasn't so terrified of McCain and Palin, I'd vote for Nader again.

 

same here, mellow.

Nader is a nice pipedream I am too scared to dream right now.

 

Both are against gay marriage but not gay rights or civil partnerships / Civil Unions.

"McCain, who also opposes an amendment to the Constitution to ban same-sex unions (same as Obama), said people should be encouraged to enter into legal agreements, particularly for insurance and other areas where decisions need to be made."


Obama:

"I support the notion that all people — gay or straight — deserve the same rights and responsibilities to assist their loved ones in times of emergency, deserve equal health insurance and other employment benefits currently extended to heterosexual married couples, and deserve the same property rights as anyone else,"

"I'm a Christian. And so, although I try not to have my religious beliefs dominate or determine my political views on this issue, I do believe that tradition, and my religious beliefs say that marriage is something sanctified between a man and a woman."

The difference might be:

He said he would support civil unions between gay and lesbian couples, as well as letting individual states determine if marriage between gay and lesbian couples should be legalised.

You might be a Republican if you agree with Democrats but nobody believes you.

 

you might be a republican if your running mate's wardrobe choice gets more attention than your message.

 

i don't know any republicans who AREN'T pitching a hissy fit over the bailout.

and most of the republicans i know do live in trailers.

it was a mediocre effort. good try, though. there's gotta be something funny to throw out there.

 

Of course they are, because they're big on deregulation, which has led to this whole mess. Now the proponents of deregulation are wearing egg on their faces, because it's clearly an unsound economic policy, and the bailout will be used from now on by politicians as an example of why deregulation is such a piss poor idea. It could work well if the folks at the top of the corporate ladder weren't so goddamn greedy.

Really, all the Republicans I know are well off (and we bust each other's balls over this stuff all the time).

If it makes you feel better, you can precurse it with "you might be a democrat if"...

 

Oh, there are plenty of poor republicans.

They tend to be populists when it comes to economics, but they are "culture warriors", and will drink the kool-aid as long as you are against abortion and the gays.

 

Oh I can make fun of the dems easy enough too!

You might be a democrat if...you have only managed to win the white house for 12 of the last 40 years.

 

Ha, haa, nice!

The way I see it there are two types of Republicans, the rich ones who directly prosper from their buddies in government, and the poor ones who blindly follow them because they're duped into thinking the rich ones are out to promote their repressive ideologies.

Mind you, I also know plenty of Republicans who are pissed at the Bush administration for the same reason they're pissed at the bailout, both made them look bad...

 

No, I am not.

 

It was government interference and regulation that got us into this mess in the first place. And government is only making things worse.

 

You might be a democrat if your politicians in congress got lower approval ratings than the bush administration.

If you mean like denying subsidies for the banking industry or forking over billions to defense contractors in Iraq, I agree. However, you might sing a different tune when your job gets outsourced, you get sick on something the FDA approved and go bankrupt 'cause you can't afford health care and you can't sue the FDA, or some scumbag makes off with your retirement funds.