Conclusions.

I just got a letter today about my spending. It was from a lawyer. And although it wasn't threatening or said I did anything wrong per se, for that reason I still won't go too much into it. But it said I am spending too much and that my level of spending may become unsustainable some day, basically.

Like I said, I really don't think I ever spent that much. I have such simple tastes. Like I've said, the things that give me the most joy are so inexpensive and often even free. I just don't think there was ever that much money in the trust or elsewhere for me to live on really. Certainly not a middle class level. Maybe not even a lower middle class level. Because I know people have so much more expensive tastes on average than I do. They like expensive fashion, they wear jewelry, that like to take the occasional vacation and cruise. I like none of those things and I have never expected those things. Just a simple existence by myself, that is all I ever wanted and that is all I ever asked for. I just don't think mentally ill people in this country are allocated the same resources. But I am more than that. I have a lot of undiagnosed illnesses. At least autism and Cerebral Palsy I know for sure. Surely that can get me more benefits and more to live on. I really never could work, and I always knew that was never my fault. And I certainly couldn't work long hours for little pay. Not only would I lose all time for leisure, I just don't think I could do the necessary things in my life. And I've always agreed I needed a little help. But my life is perfectly balanced the way it is. And now I find I am permanently damaged. In the worst way possible, secretly long after I could do anything about it or tell others what is happening. And now I am left all alone with no friends or family. And after a lifetime of abuse, my story has reached the point near its conclusion. I am a senior citizen or almost that. And so one way or another my life is more than half over with. We have to start looking at it that way and dealing with it that way. And planning for everything that way. I don't have the strength or ability to fight this like I once could. And I can't be fighting the court or playing this game for the rest of my life. I'd rather just relax and live the rest of my life in peace. And I told everyone who will make sure that happens. The people who did this to me will. They damaged me, they hurt me, they exploited me, they treated me unequally and unfairly. And I don't have to make a convincing moral argument to them. The law usually steps in and agrees with that. And agrees they should pay for that. As far as proving something is there when I'm supposed to play along and pretend it isn't. And allowing this to go on like this with nothing at all done and no one helping in any way and God knows what else they are planning now or what damage they are doing that I won't find out again until years later, I choose not to take part in that. Like I've said, I will just assume others are handling that. I've done nothing wrong, I am a good person, I did nothing deserve this. So whatever happens why should I live my differently than the way I always have and why should I ever blame myself?