Conclusions.

Like I said, it's unbelievable now all the things that were happening starting 2004. But they were happening, I didn't imagine them. Even though they obviously weren't happening in the way I thought. And what happened at Sinai-Grace hospital that April led to seven years of suicidal thoughts. It could have ended tragically more than once, and it went on for seven years. Someone must have known that, and yet they continued it. Like I said, I am not going to tolerate that ever again. If someone ever tries to do that ever again, even under the guise of some sick, twisted therapy method I will expose it. End in whatever way I can and at the very least expose it for all to see next time. People were playing upon my irrational fear and worry and tendency to exaggerate the importance of things, tendency to worry needlessly, tendency find problems were there are none. And there was some central planning, I know that now. A lot of people and places were involved and a lot of people and places took part in the horrible abuse. Abuse and horrible, terrible threats at me. People claimed that people were kind and gentle and generous towards me, but that would have to change. My Uncle Al, who like I said did horrible things to his adopted son, was chief among people who felt this. He made sure I knew, he thought I was spoiled and selfish and had life too good. I always had to have my way and I enjoyed good things in life in a very immature way. He basically was describing himself with all of that. And he knew that, but we weren't talking about him we were talking about me. And I used the word explicitly once and asked to go to 7-11. He demanded satisfaction. A mental hospital is what he was clamoring for at least since 1996 when my mother died. Or prison, really he argued, would be a better choice. Kind of the argument Scrooge was making in that novel A Christmas Carol with "are there no prisons?". Go with what was practical and what works, he thought and made clear I knew. All the irrational things I feared then. Being accused of ridiculous or trumped up charges, having my car taken away from me even thought it was the worst thing that could happen to me and I was good driver. Certainly better with more right to be driving than most of the people in the city I lived. But people wouldn't listen to reason. For up to twenty years, like I said. Most or all of my fears were irrational but people were playing upon them. But people were confirming them, I wasn't. And the notion that I didn't deserve good things in life because I don't contribute to society. That people are angered by how immature I am, even if I haven' t had a problem with it since the beginning of HS. And that it led to that attitude and to that fate. Like I've said, much like the ugly thing in grade school and all the abuses I have listed that followed, the one that began in Sinai-Grace in 2004 took years away from my life. Years I will never get back. And I can't even figure out the reason why. Why something thought that was justified or what kind of person would do that to their fellow human being. I just know now many people were involved.

And now there is a real chance I could lose my ability to drive, along with everything else, just like they always wanted. And I am left all alone and told there is not enough funds to live on. Even though my tastes aren't that extravagant, I never wanted much in life. That was all ridiculous above, but maybe that's what they meant. There just was never that much put aside for me, like I said around the time of Clinton people were saying, people with mental illness are not treated the same way as other illnesses. And I don't know why they could possibly think the secrecy was necessary. The secrecy that has left me permanently damaged and that has shown I can never trust them or anyone in my life ever again. Not thru my fault, though they may claim different. And as far as being noncompliant, the problem is I was too compliant up till now. That is what has gotten me to this point, and that is going to change now. And now I have no one to turn to. Because unlike the worst felon, I am denied all access to the justice system. And the Michigan judicial tenure commission wants me to be wasting my time and effort and limited money on notary publics now as they send me on a pointless errand of submitting and resubmitting complaints to them. If I can't rely on the people who oversee all these organizations and government bodies to help me, who can I turn to? I guess like a favorite song of mine says, I am standing all alone. Like I have been since 1989 as I left Oakwood Hospital. Left all alone facing a nightmare that like some horror film will never be over, even when I think it is.