Conclusions.

Like I said, these are thing kinds of instructions I should have received early on as a child. Cleaning up after the restroom, a lot of number one issues I have too, a lot complicated issues now. And just the simple explanation for a lot of things. Like for example what I thought was my very poor short term memory. Someone recently told me that is due to problems of attention. I have problems with attention, and a lot of other things too. If I just had an explanation, if I just knew what my diagnoses were, if I just had more medical information period. Because I had good doctors, I saw many doctors. One of them should have noticed all these problems. They were present since birth like I said, and pretty obvious my neurologist told me. How could they not know? He pointed out. But now like that refrain from my favorite song, I am standing all alone, now even more than in the past when I had to find creative ways of dealing with this all. Because I have been abandoned by everyone. I am being punished because I dared speak up, I dared question my abuse and complain. And now I must pay for it like this for the rest of my life, caught in an endless nightmare that will never end, even if I was told it had. Like I said, I think the people who did this all to me thru the years should be responsible for all of that. It seems that's how the law normally works. But I am denied all access to the law, and in all these years they won't even admit my case exists. While the clock ticks and I face a future which is more uncertain as a person with Cerebral Palsy, with neuropathy, and a damaged body from drugs I never agreed to, all while I enter old age this way. Enter into it with an outcome I don't even know, because no one will even tell me of the damage that was done anymore. In all these years that's still a secret too.

And like I keep saying, I must always have a car and I will never give it up under any circumstances. I don't know what's involved with Cerebral Palsy and that, and any new features I may need. My doctor keeps telling me wear socks when I drive if I have any problems. I don't have any problems that would require that and I can still drive fine with boots. So I don't know if he's talking about now and just doesn't know or if he knows something about my future. Those cars are probably expensive, and like I said I was already getting ready for Eric to buy me a new car with the latest safety features. I don't know how I would even get a car like that on my own if I suddenly needed it, or who would teach me how to drive it. I guess people with special needs are given special instructions from the moment they get their learner's permit, as I said I don't know. I don't seem to have any problems now that would impair my ability to drive safely. And I was given all the necessary instructions for safety early on. Be careful especially changing lanes, and at intersections too. And at intersections when you turn right or left on a red or yellow, there could be pedestrians in your path. Some police over the years have hinted I may have a problem with speed, but I don't know if that has been a problem. On a main road that's not a problem because I generally don't pass people unless they are going ridiculously slow. Which where I live can still be within the speed limit since no one ever bothers to follow it anyways. I think my problems in life have to do with timing in general at times. But like I said, I don't who would give me instructions with that, or anything else in my life now, because no one has helped me in my life up till this point and now everyone is done with me.

Also as I said, the reason for all of this might have been people were concerned I might panic again like those two times I attempted suicide. Which was brought on by their abuse as I said. I think I carefully explained how I know that. But like I also said early on I will always be in fear of their abuse or what they are planning next, especially now that I know I will never know when they are telling me the truth. But, like I said early on the solution for that is simple. When I see everyone who did this to me held accountable, when I see them face some real legal and social consequences, when I see real change in my life, and where I live in general, I just don't see that as a problem. They're the ones with the problem, why should I have to suffer? And now that I can share this with everyone I know the world will agree with me on that.