Conclusions.

So I guess nothing is going to be done to help me, is it? I'll stay in legal limbo for the rest of my life really never knowing. Never knowing what my legal status is. Like I said, you can't even do that to murderers I read. And yet they do that to me. Do it to me for an "emergency" that has existed for over fifteen years now. I'll never know when or how they are harming me with medicine, I just know they have and they can. Because my doctors have all admitted to that. I didn't imagine them saying that, they did. I'll never even know the course of my problems and illnesses. Like my GP said last time, I am doing much better. My A1C and other stuff has fallen significantly, though she finally admitted that I have been permanently damaged and altered, since 1994 at least. And 15-20 years ago when even I saw the first signs of neuropathy and permanent damage. Though both times my doctors said nothing about it. You can't even do that to a rapist, and yet they still do that to me. And all the years of abuse, I didn't imagine it. My 2011 therapist was the first to say I didn't, though maybe it didn't happen the way I originally thought. It was amazing that it happened on that scale sometimes I agree, but my last therapist confirmed that again too. Because I don't have enough money to live on, I don't have enough money to pay my food bills. The guy next door might have been put there to see I'm all right too. There's enough money for all of that, but I don't have enough money even to buy a car with the latest handicapped and safety features. Eric was about to buy that, and how he's gone. Like I said, those songs that seem to almost poetically refer to my life. Right from when the abuse first drove me to thoughts of suicide by the Summer of 1984 with that Olivia Newton-John song Twist of Fate. Then that video by No Doubt It's My Life which seemed to almost go into detail too about all the things that were destroying my life and driving me to desperation then. And even now that song by Ace of Base Beautiful Life which seems to tell of all the abuse put together that led me to this moment, maybe from young adulthood on even. Ironically the first two songs and videos talked about my misconceptions of that was going on. I do know now some of those things weren't happened that way then at all. And I don't know about the latest Ace of Base video. Like I said they seem to talk of what I was thinking, because that is what I was led to believe at the time, whether true or not. Almost like someone is trying to draw the public's attention to all that, even though I know that was never the song writer or singer's intention. All the abuse that I went thru, why it led to thoughts of desperation and how it led me to here and how I am being abused by them still and how it will never apparently. Because like I said even someone told me it was over I couldn't believe it. And no one has even bothered to that yet.