It's Not You, It's Me (Revisited from 2022)

Such a common phrase (usually heard as the prelude to a breakup). It has something to do with either passive or assertive communication.

I remember one of the times that I had put the blame on myself as being the 'problem' when in reality a participant in a group I was in took charge and began asserting her needy self to the point of her working on my last gay nerve.

I wrote:
After the lifting of COVID restrictions, many groups are returning to the live action. One such
group I attend has a meetup in a park. The person who sent out invitations is getting mighty
pushy and wants to know why I haven't RSVPed ... considering the event is on waitlist status.
Hey, Lady, if you've got so many people as to already have formed a waitlist, why the heck are
you nagging me?
Truth is, I'm not feeling the connection right now. Maybe I'm looking for something else. Maybe
I'm thinking of returning to a past practice. Maybe I'm planning on having nothing in my life for
awhile. Or... maybe... I just don't feel like sharing with you. (She's a bit of a blabber-mouth).
So I remain mute. And I get text messages that never end. She's needy. She's whiney. She's
gosh-darn annoying. Even after I say, "It's not you. It's me," she still doesn't get the hint. How
much clearer need one be? Does a piano need to fall on her?
Well, that's that on that for now. My spiritual void will be a lifelonged ponderance.

I still remember her. She had a very hard time during the COVID era. She worked in a bank and had a very stressful time fitting in. In addition, she was one of those persons who is cursed with a sensitive immune system, issues with endocrinology (probably DMII), and a lifestyle of non-compliance. She was looking for work for months with little success. She was paying rent with savings. Then she landed a job selling cruises. She was not a leisure agent and I don't think she was in the habit of communicating with high-end travellers. Through a mutual friend I had learned that she lost that job as well.

Why did she even come up in an entry?
It was around this time of year when she was pushing a prepared meal dish made by Trader Joe's called Turkey and Stuffing en croûte. It was overly salted and completely gross. I had bought two and wound up giving the other one to a co- for her to validate my opinion.

I was wondering if maybe I was too harsh on her. Should I try to reconnect. My inner voice responded with a resounding no-frigging-way. While she might not be toxic, she certainly was not health promoting. She would put me on edge with her phishing, and then I would wonder whom she would gossip with about me.

Still, regardless to my goal of using assertive communication skills, I think I will hold her at bay.