Just Now And More Thoughts.

I just texted that guy at that new place now:

I am very sorry I missed my appointment today. I overslept and have been feeling very tired lately. It could be nothing but it has been established my doctors lied to me, they hurt me and the whole legal system lied and deceived and hurt me. You can't do that to the worst felon and yet somehow they did it to me for years and continue to do it. And the public is not even aware that goes on. I want all of that looked into, I want all held accountable and I want them to ensure I have a good quality of life for the rest of my life now. I am going to assume you and [that new place] are working on that from now on irregardless of what you say.
But sorry again and I will reschedule with you. I don't know why I'm often late. If I at least knew what was wrong with me, but no one is allowed to tell me. If I knew my diagnosis that would help a lot. And I want that changed too, that I don't know my diagnosis. But I'll call someone or someone will have to call me to reschedule.

As I said in that text, I have a lot of medical and physical issues. Some of them might be nothing, I honestly don't know. I have always had a tendency to make a mountain out of molehill with my medical issues. But I do have them and they aren't going to go away or get better with time, they are likely going to get worse as I age. And I am more or less an old person now. I am entering the stage in my life when plans have to be made to give me all the help I need. Help I need to live and keep health and live an independent life. But none of that is happening. People in my life are still lying and it seems to be only getting worse, which I am beginning to realize is really all that is happening. I have been abused all my life this way, treated unfairly and unjustly, lower than the lowest criminal, and it still goes on. It still goes on and everyone involved is all right with all of that and approves.

And my physical problems. If I at least knew what they were. Double vision, extreme physical weakness which may have gotten worse as I became an adult even, peculiar number one and number two issues since I was very young, unusual psychological issues that could be autism and a couple of other things. Things that I could get help with and instructions and would welcome that, but no one wants to. When I saw my GP recently she reacted with surprise to my number one and number two issues. Do you have a weak bladder? She asked with surprise. I obviously have incomplete emptying of my bladder, last I heard it's reaching a critical phase. The walls of my bladder are getting thin and papery and some day it may burst. (Although oddly my urologist recently told me he may have misspoke that.) I have emptying issues with number two that are very unusual. I have had them all my life, and my gastroenterologist said that could lead to infection. Again my GP said I should get a bidet for something like that. I can never get myself clean, not even if I go to ridiculous lengths, and I do. And they are still saying things like that. I can't even afford fresh food, how could I afford a bidet? Eric was supposed to buy me a nice new car with the latest safety and accessibility features like I said. But now he's done with me because I complained, and certainly no one is going to get me a bidet. Or even some of the other simplest things I need now. As I said above, you're not supposed to abuse anyone like that. You're not supposed to neglect them or use medicine to harm them, not even if they were the lowest criminal. And I'm a very good person. I'm not even in any way that. And yet they all continues and will never end as far as I know. Like I said above, I don't care what anyone says. The people who did this to me all my life, the people who damaged me and harmed me and treated worst than the worst felon, the people who misdiagnosed me and treated me like trash, they are going to see to that financially. If I keep saying that to my dying day, if I keep saying that as my world falls down around me and I end up on the streets I will.

And we have to look into all the legal issues here, and I will till the day I die too. For example why, in addition to what I said above, I was treated this way being watched. My neighbors admitted to horrible child abuse just that I knew of. There were obvious signs of it while all this began twenty years ago at Sinai-Grace hospital. Sounds of people screaming and being abused just that I knew of. Along with all the other things, like gunfire and loud noises you hear in Detroit. And yet the police and first responders were watching me. I never harmed anyone, I only kept to myself. I resolved after that day on the playground in the 6th grade that is how I would live. Taking walks in parks, driving around looking at Christmas lights at Christmastime, trying my hand in cooking and other hobbies, enjoying cake and coffee. And yet they thought they should watch me instead. There obviously more than something wrong with that, there's something very, very wrong with that. And now I am still legal limbo and in a nightmare that will never end. It will never end because I will never know when it is truly over. Like I said, I somehow thought something would happen by now. But it hasn't. And like I said if this is because people think I am a suicide risk, because they occasionally drove me to that point with their abuse, starting at St. Scholastica grade school in Detroit, I explained that. If you don't see what's wrong with that reasoning, I would once again add that if you regain my trust that will never be a problem. But I don't see how you ever could. But I saw some real justice here, some real accountability, people admitting what that they did that this happens. It happened to me, and whoever else it did, that is what's needed. I refuse any other option. And I refuse to ever end up inpatient again if you drive me to that point again. I won't make the mistake of Sinai-Grace hospital in 2004. I'll tell everyone what happened that time and I'll demand accountability immediately instead of waiting all this time like I did.