More Conclusions.

Like I've said, those three things seem very important and pivotal to this case. And since no one will tell me anything in this case I will have to go on that. I could still be wrong even about them. But I don't think so, they seem important in some way. Or maybe they'll be important some day. Like I said I don't know and am just guessing. But one is that I was obviously driven to thoughts of suicide. Driven to that point more than once in my life, but only because I was abused. Abused by a system of abuse that seems to have begun when I was a child, at places like St. Scholastica grade school in Detroit. Apparently as some kind of psychological or mental health approach, since my therapist told me in 2011 I was in fact diagnosed with a psychological problem at age seven, not age 16 like I had always thought. Constant, intense and very extreme abuse sometimes. Abuse than was of the kind that would have anyone think that suicide was the only option. I was too ugly to beg, because people in the phone could even tell how ugly I was. Masks couldn't hide it, I think once someone could even tell when I sent them a letter. Or making me believe I'd be abused and live in unbearable pain for the rest of my life. Often told because I deserved it, or didn't deserve good things in life or was enjoying good things while others didn't even have that much. First told that would happen at Northville psychiatric hospital, then told by Oakwood Hospital in Dearborn in late 1989 that it would be much worse than even that. They wouldn't go into detail but that is what they said. We were playing frisbee in front of the hospital when they all said that. They agreed they'd stop tormenting with twos and sixes and allow me to live and happy independent life, but only because of that. If you want me to remember more about that day and that occasion I will. Then in Sinai-Grace hospital starting in 2004 they told me I'd go to prison on made up or exaggerated charges. To abused there for many years. After I already told people that I had a low tolerance for pain, I was very weak physically (obviously due to Cerebral Palsy I now know) and I wasn't that type of person or used to those kinds of places. (And like the Northville one, there does seem to have been a real thing like that going on at those times. Like I said, my Uncle Al insisted on being part of both. But I think the prison one might have been part of a misunderstanding and misinformation people had on me. It seems to have corrected itself, from the information I know, around 2014. But people in my life were still abusing me that way. Like I said, Eric's family still was up until recently. And I even brought up an incident like that with his family with my former therapist a couple of years ago, and he confirmed for again that it did happen, and he agreed with me it was wrong.) All this abuse, leading to thoughts like that could have ended tragically more than once, that almost ended tragically those seven years after I went to Sinai-Grace hospital for help in 2004, that led to two suicide attempts. Like I said, I suspect that is part of the reason why I have so few rights, why everything has to be done to me in secret, why I'll never know and they can never tell me, why they were even trying to put me away in various places, that reason. More than once in my life people have said that much, that that was the reason why they felt they had to do that. But they were the cause of it, so how could that be? How could that logic be used against me like that? Like I said, the secrecy seems to be there to protect them too. And in this case it is being twisted around to take away my rights and consent in all of this.

And my car, the unfair way I was treated with all of that. When I am not only a good driver but better than most, in a city where most people don't even have insurance and many murders go unsolved. When it was vital not only to my happiness, not only to my independence but my safety and welfare too. And I begged and pleaded for twenty years but they wouldn't listen. But there is a record of all that. Going back to 2000 or 2001 when I was given a stiff fine and two points on my license for pouring coffee into my mug on a deserted road on Outer Drive and Michigan Avenue in downtown Dearborn, right after the police officer I didn't even know almost physically attacked me, I always wondered for years what. I thought maybe it was because I looked like a dangerous mental patient. But people have told me that was never it, that was never the reason why people treated me this way all my adult life. Anyways, as I said this issue lasted into 2013 with that weird incident on Lincoln and Greenfield streets in Oak Park on September 11, 2013. I don't know what was put in the record for that one, but I know that older driver had no business driving. And they almost took away my license for not going thru a flashing yellow carefully, carefully enough. As I said, there is a record of all that, and whatever else the police, my doctors, the paramedics too for some reason and others were planning. A record that is more public since unlike medical records like the ones I talked about above, anyone can access them. And they confirm or at least support what I am talking about.

Also the issue of Cerebral Palsy has me very confused still. My neurologist confirmed it for sure in 2011. But I have been complaining about weird physical symptoms all my life. Some of them were severe even and caused me noticeable problems. But either there was a logical explanation or my doctors didn't have much to say. My neurologist also said on or after 2011 that it must have been obvious that I had Cerebral Palsy. The way I walked on the balls of my feet as a child, all my weird symptoms, my unique bathroom issues I have complained of and had problems with, some which disrupted my life or caused problems in school or even caused altercations and incidents as I have described. How much did all the people involved that I mentioned above know about that? How much did all the people in my life know? Like I said, my neurologist discovered it in 2011. And he seemed a little surprised too. And now I am going to need special care for all of that. And I will have issues due to all the harm they caused me to with years of hidden damage from those medicines and now that I am entering old age. Cerebral Palsy doesn't get worse with old age, but it always is more complicated then. I also need just special instructions on how to deal with all medical and other issues it brings. But no one is helping me in the slightest, no one is getting me special aids or special equipment I need or might need with that, or the special shoes or car I might need if I drive, and I will always need to, that way. No one seems to even be allowed to mention it, and it was known at least, at least, since 2011 from what I know for sure. But no one will help me in the slightest way with it, and so like that song says once again I am standing all alone.

There also seems like there might have been some unusual circumstances surrounding my birth. I knew of nothing like that growing up. I always was led to believe I was a normal child who'd live a perfectly normal life, until the incident during recess in the 6th grade like I said. I certainly always thought I was loved and well cared for. But the lady who used to work for me said I might have been born with a head deformity that I more or less overcame, she said. As I've said, I don't know what I look like. I noticed that long before the 6th grade. That issue of people forcing me to accept that I was ugly seems to have started as another moral lesson in St. Scholastica grade school. Like I said, it kind of started in my 5th grade when the teacher came and sat down at our desks to explain to me who was prettier, me or a girl there. And then in the 6th grade for teaching me a moral lesson that it was wrong to fat shame Jamie Kivela. And also I wasn't really fat shaming him per se, I was just repeating a rhyme that Kendal Tucker said that day. I had a tendency to repeat things like jokes and humorous songs I heard without considering if it hurt the feeling of some of the people in the room. But that is how I paid for that. It led to years of thinking I could never live a normal life that way and eventually thinking suicide was the only option. Until the summer that ironic song came out in 1984 like I said. But people continued doing that. Someone obviously, yes obviously, put them up to it. Like I said, a staff at Sinai-Grace hospital did it again in 2004 as I was waiting for my room. She was trying comfort me after I attempted suicide. But as she was listing all the reasons I had to live she paused and said "handsome guy like you". Like I told my therapist, that was one the many ways people hurt me with that. Pretending they were being nice when they meant the opposite, or pretending like they were tiptoeing around the issue. Well, I'm not saying that I know for sure that's the reason why she did that. But that is clearly what she meant, and like I said that continued for years after that. All the weird things like people being able to tell on the phone how ugly I was, into my adult like I remember. I would just like to know more about the circumstances of my birth and if I did or do have a deformity. People are silent on that issue again, but that one has gone this far so they might as well tell me the rest. And like I said, people do treat me differently wherever I go. I have wondered for years why, and that could explain it. Or maybe it just seems that way to me, since I rarely interact with people socially. But it just seems there's more to that and I would like to find out the whole truth about all of that.

There's also the legal issues of equal treatment. Just the idea of confidentiality for example. I seem to be treated very differently with that too. My Uncle Al was never monitored after he was released from the institution in 1941, and someone really should have. They did block the adoption in the US. But he didn't seem to even be on people's radar. Like I said, he was a model citizen as far as anyone knew. I've never harmed anyone. I actually have preferred to be alone since 1982. But I was followed to parks and harassed. Interrogated and treated with suspicion. Told I belonged locked away and that they're rather I not drive too. Also while they were doing this there was horrible abuse going on. In Detroit and just my neighborhood that I knew of. My therapist told me that is because domestic issues like family counseling are treated as outpatient. And mental patients still often do or did have a totally different standard apply to them. With confidentiality, reporting and just how they are treated by those people above, because they assume they have to be watched. In case without my knowledge even. Like I said, we are going to look into all of that. This will never be over for me, but whatever the outcome that is plan too. To address all of the above and that last issue too. Along with the issue like I said of getting compensation to live on now that I am left this way.