More On The Car Issue.

Like I said, I don't have all the information. No one is filling me in in all these years. And people still tell me I am imagining. So are most of my doctors then, I guess. But the driving thing seemed to begin around 1995. When people started commenting and hinting I looked to mentally disabled to drive. Even when they saw I had a valid license. That's nonsense. People usually mind their own business I have found. And if they thought certain groups still shouldn't be driving, there's nothing they could do. But then it took a weird turn around 2005, right after those people drove me to attempt suicide. Which I think probably had at least something to do with it. But there may have been three things going on at the same time. My former therapist said the police started an ill-conceived plan to take away my car. Even though there was nothing in my driving ability or record that began then either. My neighbors started acting weird. Pulling to the side of my street when I was just casually leaving or arriving home. Or blocking traffic on another side street I was telling my therapist, to act silly and exaggerate what they were doing. But the lady who used to work for me said that was unrelated. And it also clearly was a form of abuse, that continued long after. Long after 2014 when that guard Courtney Meeks was shot at that store that I was supposed to be using then. Which I think is probably when the police stopped their plans. And my psychiatrist Dr. Chang might have stopped saying it. I don't remember. I just know he'd bring up, then drop it, then bring it up years later. I probably was just waiting for him to bring it up again years later, until the day he finally dropped me. But those three, they must be related somehow. Like my liverwurst analogy. If the liverwurst you get at three stores with three suppliers, one vegan, all make you sick, it must be the liverwurst. What else could it be? And all the same year or same time.

Because you know driving was always about my independence, along with safety. How I lived and how I took care of myself. It made my life as I knew it possible. Losing it was the worst thing that could happen to me. And there was no reason for it, and it went on for years. At one point like I said, I wondered if the fact it gave me happiness and pleasure could be taken from the equation, if that was it. Like people often told me. But after my father died it was vital too, I'd be in danger, I'd lose everything if I lost it. But they still never stopped.