More On Where Things Stand.

Just to be clear, starting 2004 I thought I was going to be arrested and imprisoned on made-up or trumped-up charges. I really didn't do anything. And I went to Sinai-Grace hospital in northwest Detroit for help. As soon as I got to the psych ward there I told them of my beliefs, in great detail. And I explained to them how they were irrational. But instead of reassuring me they started with strange interrogations and doing things like putting me in that bizarre group therapy session. Also like I said, around 1997 people started telling me I looked like a dangerous mental patient to them. And they thought I belonged in prison by whatever means, for the public's protection. My uncle took this view too. He was a very evil, selfish man. He did horrible things to his adopted son and then rejected him. And he never forgave me for ruining his Sundays by making him have to go out with me that day after my mother died. Plus I used the word explicitly once and asked to go to 7-11 when he was tired. He often talked within earshot of me. And he said he thought sending me to prison was a good option. I could be cared for and given medical treatment there he believed. Many of my beliefs then were irrational and unfounded as I said. But Sinai-Grace hospital started that seven year period of suicidal ideation for me. It could have ended tragically, sometimes it almost did. I did have the benefit of the facts it seemed and to bring that up if I ever had to. But then in 2007 my father took a beta-blocker for a sudden case of arrhythmia. It slowed him down significantly. He recovered a little, especially after I prayed to the Virgin Mary. But he was never the same again. I always made sure I was in the car with him when he drove from then on. And it seemed I no longer had the benefit of good legal representation if I was falsely accused of something. I was going to get one of those overworked public defenders. Public defenders who just assume you're guilty and conspire with the prosecution. Which were both absolutely correct, people like our probate lawyer told me. Sorry he said. And the trust wouldn't pay for anything else. (Which was odd. My father was still alive and it seemed that really wouldn't totally be the case. But he did start saying that suddenly around then for some reason.) It seemed all hope was gone. But then as if to answer that question of mine and the problem the Stephen Grant case came out in 2007. Grant highlighted how unfair the public defender system was in Michigan. And the law was changed after him. His case was a little odd, in one way at least to me. His original lawyer said that he could get the case thrown out because of the invalid search warrant alone. But Grant's public defender never brought that up. I know they said in the news Grant's public defender deliberately did a good job so that he could never win on appeal. But something so fundamental to the case like that, how could he get away without even bringing it up? Plus this is going to sound weird. But why couldn't Grant at some point just bring that fact up during the trial? Because I always thought if there was some horrible miscarriage of justice like that done to me by my public defender I could at least speak up at some point during the trial. But I guess when you have any lawyer defend you, you waive that right. But like I said, the Grant case did spell change in the public defender system in Michigan. Which did put my mind at ease and, probably along with other things, led to me giving up on the idea of suicide by 2011. No thanks to the people in my life who abused me like that of course.

Also, I don't know. But it just seems to me after a lifetime of abuse, and especially this more recent one above. Along with all the stuff that is going on now with Eric, which is just another case of abuse. Trust me, it is. And I'll spend the rest of my life proving it to others. I will. But it just seems to me after a lifetime of abuse people owe some debt to me. To allow me to live a good quality of life and life my life in peace. And a home and a car being on the top of the list of things that will always be necessary for that as I have explained. But like I've said, instead of that this all is happening. And I am being discarded even. Discarded and left alone this way with no friends or family. No way to pay my dental bills now. And probably losing a lot of other things. Which my financial institution says won't happen if I budget, which as I explained just doesn't seem true. But there have been so many lies in my life, I just have learned not to believe people anymore.