My Life Now.

I'm still confused how there seems to be many connections in my life where there should be none. Because my 2011 therapist told there actually was a connection to many of these events. He did, he really did. But he never went into detail and all these years later I still don't know what he meant. Especially exactly what he meant and about everything. Though I have pieced some things together since then. But now all these years later I left damaged and alone. Damaged and alone and after a lifetime of abuse, and I don't think that's right. And I also think the people who all did this to me, and in particular the people who got me damaged like this, with all the special care I will need into my old age now, I think they should see to it, and see I always have the things I need like a nice home and a car. The police, the court, Eric and my doctors. And more people too. But I seem to be alone in believing that. Because my case exists, my doctors all admit it does. I am not imaging them all saying that. But I have no legal status and no legal rights whatsoever. I am denied all access to the legal system and treated worst than the worst criminal here. I am not imaging that, nor am I imagining how little people in my life seem to care or feel responsible. And yet it all continues. It all continues and I will never know when it has ended. After all the lifetime of abuse they have finally won for once and for all on that note. That horrible, evil, outrageous note. And here I am now that way.

A lot of the weird stuff began when I went online in 2001. Our probate lawyer was encouraging me, as was my teacher and others. I have a lot of political views they told me. You can share them that way. And I already knew of that Straight Dope message board. I got their book in 1989 at the first book store I was able to go to by myself. And then I was following their posts online on their message board in their other books around the late 90s and early millennia. In many ways I felt like I already belonged, and I couldn't wait to join. And then I posted that post about the bottle return law in Michigan. It's a felony to return too many and to me that just seemed like swipe at homeless people. And just as my appeal to emotions, and to share a quote I always liked, I posted that Anatole France quote too about the grand majesty of the law. And the first poster said he'd love to debate me. But then the moderators joined in, and they attacked me. They were infuriated by something, I still don't know what. For years I read and reread what I posted for anything. Anything inappropriate or indelicate. I knew I hadn't done that, but I wasn't sure. It didn't seem to be my fault. I knew moderators were supposed to run the show. So for them to behave like that couldn't be appropriated. And some of the posters, like this poster from Australia, were making fun of the way I talked. Because either they thought I was mentally ill or intellectually disabled. I knew that wasn't right. But still no other poster came to my defense which was odd. And a couple of them even told me they didn't approve of the insults, but they still really didn't think I should have posted that. What? What did I post that was so wrong? All these years later no one has ever told me. And one poster even said he'd love to debate what I posted. Because by then I thought maybe this was something political, not anything wrong I had done. He'd love to debate what I posted, but not with me he said with disgust. He never met me, so what could that have meant? But finally when I was the only one there keeping my composure they let me join. The moderator who told me I was a waste of time to insult said welcome to our boards. Then around 2022 something weird began again. They started finding fault with little peccadillos I did. Again, I wasn't sure. The police were doing the same thing with my car in the past, and around this time still as far as I knew. They said they didn't like taking the cars away from good drivers. But it was kind of their job and they did it often. Only later did I realize how ridiculous that statement was. Little peccadillos, and then minor exaggerations of what I had done wrong. And then I really think outright lies. I said the things I posted were accurate and true, but they wouldn't hear it even if it was at that point. I told them there was a religious discrimination case in New York city involving Pakistani cab drivers and how their religion forbade them to bathe. Another poster actually did defend me this time. He gave a post and said see, there is such a story. I wasn't an anti-Muslim bigot just for bringing up that one case. And then finally while I was trying to defend myself, I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. And when I came back I was already banned me from the boards. By then I knew it was plainly wrong. I was a charter member and I was a paying member therefore. But as I've said, now I wonder if I was. I am in a kind of legal limbo where I will never know if I have the full rights of adulthood. It's a secret. And I will never know when my doctors are withholding important medical information from me either. Which I think most people would agree is very scary. They really could never regain my trust after that, and they never have tried since then. And now that I realize that all that mental abuse that almost led to tragedy and suicide in 2004 at Sinai-Grace was planned too. With all my doctors and a couple of other people taking part. Again, not at all my imagination. My last therapist confirmed all of that too, he did. It almost led to tragedy, and it largely ended in 2011 when I thought once again nothing would come from it. But like I said, it was still happening up till recent times. In fact the people in my life now seem like they maybe planning more forms of abuse. They are not deterred by the fact I have uncovered or exposed it at all it seems. And now I am an old man who has to be dealing with this. An old, handicapped man in a damaged body. And yet they continue it still. I think that truly tests the limits of what is wrong and I think all involved, all from my childhood on really, should face some real justice or at least be exposed. But again I seem to be alone in feeling that way. Like I said, I still wonder if these communications are even leaving my home. It's happening but it all seems so unlikely again, and people's reaction online even sometimes seems unlikely to me again too.

I'm still confused by that case involving Straight Dope message board. As I told people a while back, I went on there a couple of years ago. And in a cryptic post they seemed to say that they thought I was mentally disabled or childlike or whatever, once again. But they realized now they were wrong. What does that mean? Also the lady who used to work for me seems to know a lot about that case. I guess possibly due to the fact that I was right the first time. I don't have the legal capacity to join things like message boards. I do know all the forms I sign are still fake. Like I said, I am supposed to be signing a fake colonoscopy consent form in the future. And I already told people, I am going to just stop doing that soon. So if I never had a valid contract with them, that would explain that. Or maybe they knew it was somehow me in 2001. I know that sounds unlikely, but it was nothing I posted there. I never broke the rules or posted anything inflammatory. Or perhaps there was some horrible lie being told about me by then. Like I said my neighbors were told something like that, but that seems to have ended. It's bad enough to do that or to lie about someone to begin with, but like a secret guardian status they did it without my knowledge and without my knowing all these years later. Like I said, you can't do that to murderers. And yet they did it so easily to me.

Anyways in conclusion, I don't know what the laws says, or even if there is just a special ruling or status just for me. (Like I said there seems to be an "emergency" in my life that has lasted for over 15 years, which should be impossible, but that still continues they think.) But I know this is all very wrong. And I can also see no one in my life seems to care or is going to stop it anytime soon. They really expect me to live this way as an old man now. So I will have to spend the rest of my life exposing it. Exposing it by just accurately describing what happened and what I know.