Still More On Where Things Stand Now.

Part of the criticism people often have of me, and they've told me often, is I'm selfish and lazy and have life too good. But you have to remember a couple things about that. My life now was built around Eric's money after my father died. The guy who used to work for me used to joke with me. I had two satellite receivers for TV when most people don't have one. Plus I never really could work. I have problems of organization. And I may have something from Cerebral Palsy I read online once called mental fatigue. I noticed that when I was a little boy. I found it hard to be as hard-working as other boys. Doing chores and small jobs and things like that. I did some things, like the grass for my aunt and the snow at times. But it was almost impossible, painful even. But I eventually figured I wasn't lazy, it was something I had no control over. I wasn't a bad person, I finally realized. But somethings are certain. One is my car. It is not negotiable. That is not just my opinion, my life is in danger from the two horrible, untrue things that someone, obviously the Detroit police since it was well-planned, told my neighbors. I can't legally own a gun. And I just can't be walking around at 3 AM with hours I keep. Going to my far-off doctors. There is the option of a group home, but I've explained that. My case and situation with that is very different too. I'd lose all medical consent there. I'd be at the mercy of whatever reckless plot or idea Wayne County Probate Court and the Detroit police were planning or doing then. I'd be damaged more by that Olanzapine, they'd never tell me and I couldn't do anything about it in a setting like that. My life is built around the car. I don't know how any handicapped person in my situation could function without one in Detroit. But if you need further reasons, my case has other elements too it that are very different and were caused by people's negligence and reckless behavior in my life. I could go on listing the many reasons, and I think I will have to have a text document on my PC and smartphone always standing by from now on, seriously, so I can list the reasons. Why they are many for me and different for me, that I must always have a car. And now there is a real chance I could lose my hands and feet or worse. Like I said, I was told I will probably have to rely on a used car from now on. That's terrible because I was hoping that Eric would buy me a nice new car with the newest accessibility and safety features. And I really don't think handicapped-accessible cars are sold used. I wouldn't know though. Someone always helped make major purchases like cars too. I won't have Eric or anyone else for that now. Like I said, I am truly all alone with no one to help me and no one who seems to at all care.

Plus I don't know about the car issue, especially the one with special handicapped features. The police and others were trying to take away my car since 2005 even though I am an excellent driver with good insurance. They made my life a living hell no matter how I begged with them. I even explained right from the start how it would destroy my life if I lost it. And now in a sick twist of fate they might get their will by my losing my feet or hands from the damage they kept hidden from me for years. And now within the past couple weeks the symptoms of my feet seem to be changing. I don't even know what's going on or what that's leading to because I am not a doctor. But don't they have some obligation now to make sure I always have a car? If not legally at least morally. Because I don't know, it just seems to me after the hell they put me thru they would. And they seem to agree with me people are hinting and telling me now that I was right all along about the car issue. But now it seems like it could all end tragically this way now. And again, no one cares and I left helpless and alone now with Eric suddenly saying he's leaving. Suddenly saying he's leaving and at the worst possible time, which people assure me he can do.

I know some people say why don't I just work. And again I just don't think that's possible. I never worked a day in my life. And if I worked, I don't even know now I'd have no way to handle my household affairs. I probably couldn't. I'm a poor handicapped person with the start of mobility issues and I do all the cooking and the cleaning now. I actually do surprisingly well still. But I used to have someone help clean when Eric paid for that. But he abruptly stopped hiring people for that. And now he says he's leaving and was again the only one who could really afford that. If I had to work, I don't see how I could keep the house up then. So why is that even being considered an option? And I think I am too old to be working now anyways. Or even to be thinking about it. I turn 60 in less than three years. Why I am faced with all of this now? Plus I'd lose all leisure. Leisure would just go. I've already heard people say that in the United States people don't have time for rest and leisure. They work long hours for little pay. Why aren't you like them, people have often told me. But I was really inspired by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights when I first read it in 1988. Article 24 of the 1948 UN UDHR says rest and leisure are fundamental rights. No one should be expected to do nothing but work. And no one should feel guilty about asking for rest and leisure, it points out. After the work is done and you've done your obligations, of course. But I've explained all about that and what I am capable of doing.

And to repeat, I am not overspending. I don't have tastes in expensive fashions. All my clothing is cotton and polyester, and I have been wearing the same clothing for several years now. I usually just wear my clothing for many years really. I don't even care if they are in fashion, frankly I wouldn't know. I'm not overspending, there just was never enough money in the trust. Like I tell people, check my bills. I am down to buying expired food now at supermarkets. That would listed on my debit card statement if anyone doubts that. Because it's a fact, life is just expensive now. Yes, I like cooking, especially recently. And I like simple things like a cup of coffee and a walk in the park. But as I said, those things don't cost much and they mean a lot to me.

But like I said, this has all the trappings of a new form of abuse. I know it is and I plan on exposing it from now on and everywhere I am too. I don't know the purpose of the abuse or who is reponsible. But just like having people tell me on the phone (and once in a letter, I seem to recall) that they could tell I was ugly. And that my ugliness could restore sight to the blind, like at the Fairlane Town Center in Dearborn around 1980, these things were preplanned and they really happened. I will recall more and tell people more. But it reminds me of what happened shortly before my father died in 2011. He was slowed down by a beta blocker he was put on in 2007 and the situation was bleak. If he was put in a retirement home or died I knew my life and my standard of living as I knew it would be over. And that's when we went this nice 24-hour restaurant near home in Redford Township, MI. They had flaming saganaki cheese, something that I was really enjoying then. They had it at this other restaurant and I had hoped to get it at that restaurant in Redford because it would be much more convenient. We sat down to enjoy our meal with my adopted cousin. (He told me once don't ever call him my cousin because it fills him with disgust and rage, even though I never did anything to him. Call him my adopted cousin. If I must, he warned me once. Also for what it's worth he does seem to indicate that he was a knowing part in the abuse, the last time we were at a restaurant with him. And the lady I once talked to at that new place seems to indicate something is going on with the evil tone in her voice. Well she did.) And my adopted cousin told me he was concerned about our living arrangements and how my father was doing living in Detroit. He was in danger there, he said. So he was going to take him to a cabin up north he had selected and live there as father and son, since my father was the father he always wanted. He didn't care what happened to me. He was just going to leave me alone in Detroit. Without my father's funds I would end homeless for sure. At the least they'd start turning off the power and water, because I had no way to pay the bills. But he told me he didn't care what happened to me. Just my father. We went there to enjoy a nice meal and I was so looking forward to the saganaki cheese and how I could get it there from now on. But I never had it again. And all the while I was trying to eat my dinner he kept turning to me and saying, would you stop eating that stupid cheese.

Anyways, I have no explanation for it all. The abuse. But it was always preplanned. By whom, I honestly don't know. Maybe I never will. But I am slowly piecing it all together. And this is another form of it. I am being left destitute and alone by Eric, at the worst possible time, at time when I am getting too old for this and just wanted the abuse to end so I could finally enjoy a life free of the abuse with peace of mind finally. No way to pay for the things I once took for granted. No way to pay my bills. I don't know how I will always afford a good car. I don't even know if they sell them used with handicapped features. But it is vital as I said, even if the court and the Detroit police feel no responsibility with that. I am faced with having to work instead of taking care of myself and house when I never worked a day in my life. Instead of just living and peaceful, good quality of life. Which is all I ever wanted since high school. It's what I have been searching for since high school. But as I describe here I wonder if I ever found it. And this the answer to that I guess. The abuse will continue. And like I said, I'm almost 60. I really am too old to be dealing with this now. But now I have no one to turn to, no one to give me advice, no one really to even reassure me like once always had in my life. Plus I can tell the Detroit police and others are obviously secretly planning something too. They are clearly tellling me things are much better than they are. At the very least my doctors are all coerced back into silence about telling me what is going on. Like I said, diabetes, neuropathy and one doctor secretly warned me something about kidney damage too. But I guess all I can keep doing is sending reports so there is a record of all that people are putting me thru. Something I'd lose in even a place like inpatient again where I'd lose all contact with the outside world, in addition to being neglected too.