What Going On Now.

Like I said, I went to the dentist's yesterday and they told me Eric usually paid half my medical bills. If he walks away as my legal guardian at the very least there won't be enough money for me to have good dental care. And I think he pays for a lot of other things too. As I was telling my financial advisor recently, I certainly will no longer be able to have three phone lines. Most people these days only have one. I know they were telling me that I have curbed my spending better within the past year or so, which I guess may be true. I know as of now I am going to have to curb my spending even more in any event. But life is expensive. Food alone is very expensive, and I really don't have very expensive tastes. And just for the record, as I told them, I would be willing to get a part time job if possible. But I have never had a job in my life, and if I had one I'd really have very little or no leisure time for myself. And leisure time is an important part of human lives as I recently brough up. But on the other hand, if I had no choice.

But my point is, I get the feeling people in my life aren't being entirely truthful with me. It seems to me they are telling me things are much better than they actually are for me. Why would they be doing this? Is there some reason why they are misleading me? Because some the worst harm has been done to me by people doing that. And it's not necessary for me. I have never been in trouble with the law or a danger to myself or others. And I have the right to know things like this, that my life is falling apart in other words. It's clear to me in any event that at this point and time it is. They are not withholding anything from me I don't already know when they don't tell me that. As I said, I have the right to know this.

And also I think I have made clear to by now, but I will repeat. I can't go to a place like a group home. I'd lose all medical consent there. Plus at a group home in Detroit, which is where I'd obviously go if I went to one let's be frank, because I already know. I'd be neglected horribly. Just like I was at Sinai-Grace Hospital recently. I'd be threatened and put in danger. And with no medical consent I'd be at the mercy of whatever ridiculous thing Wayne County Probate Court, the Detroit police and whoever is responsible for all of this, is doing at that moment. Whatever raise in medicine they are damaging me with. Or even more frightening, a change in medicine. I can't allow that to happen either. Those other types of psychiatric drugs turn me into a virtual invalid. I took a very small dose in high school, and they did that. And now with my lower metabolism that I am older, it'd be much worse. And plus all of those drugs cause a spike in blood sugar. There really is no medicine that wouldn't do that. Let's not be naive about that either. And on top of all that, it is a well-established fact that Wayne County Probate Court won't allow my doctors to tell me what damage is being done. My doctors are all coerced into to silence now. One of them in fact still has the courage to hint at as much to me. Plus in a group home I now know I'd lose my only contact with the outside world, like I have now. I have to wonder if that would be no accident too because then no one would hear my cries for help like they do now. I can tell the situation is very bleak now and that isn't right. I did nothing to deserve such a thing and I deserve to at least to know the truth about what is going on here. I am being treated worse than the worse criminal. And I want to know who would even do such a thing to me and why too. No one is fooling me. I know at the very least the situation is much worse than people are letting on to me.

I also don't know why people just can't me live the simple life that I want. I always wanted so little in life. That has been the case since at least high school I remember. And yet instead of allowing that people are always working to hurt me and to take away my rights. All while blaming me in some way. Since at least my early adulthood as I've said. And all while I did absolutely nothing wrong or to deserve it. And now my life collapses completely with Eric finally walking away for good. I guess if Eric could be persuaded to come back. I am trying to get ahold of him now, but he won't return my calls. But I guess once again I may be placing too much hope in that either. I don't know why, but I thought like in the refrain from that song Beautiful Life maybe things were finally going to go my way now. You can do what you want, just seize the day, what you're doin' tomorrow's gonna come your way, don't you ever consider givin' up you will find it's a beautiful life. But they very obviously aren't now. People could at least have the decency to be truthful and honest with me. How low of a status could I have in people's eyes that they think they always have to deceive me? Even criminals are given the right to be told when they are being hurt. And then now my beloved cat dies.
Someone just mentioned online that maybe if I found someone else in my life to take care of me. But I have no one else. I have no friends, I have no family, I have no one anywhere in the world that cares about me. And I am going to need expensive lifelong care now. Eric couldn't have possibly left at a worst possible time. And I am still trying to figure out why I can't just get the status of a person with Cerebral Palsy. Maybe I could get better benefits and help that way. My neurologist told me freely I had Cerebral Palsy in 2011. He used the words Cerebral Palsy, and birth trauma too. I was told that I have that and a number of other things too, like autism and at least a slight birth deformity. But now my neurologist denies even saying that, Cerebral Palsy and "birth trauma", which makes absolutely no sense. And now my doctors tell me I am not listed as having that. I really don't know what any of that is even about. But I suspect it has something to do with the fact I was deliberately misdiagnosed early on in life.

But like I just told my financial advisor, I need to know what is going on. And I need to know what my future holds. Like I told him, even criminals have that right.