Where Things Stand Now.

And also I just want to make clear and to summarize. I do not want to ever end up inpatient again. They never helped there, they always made things worse. Every time, with maybe the one exception of 1989. But 1989 with the problems the caused that sent me there too. They made it worse each time, and I think was never an accident. But in any event the 2004 case is an obvious example of what I mean that I think everyone would agree with when I say that. I went there driven to a suicide attempt after years of threats and abuse by doctors, police and many others. And then when I asked for help they instead drove me to more fear and irrationality and more suicidal thoughts that almost ended tragically for seven years but didn't, no thanks to them. And yes, I do think until I see some real justice here that will always be a real possibility. That I will consider suicide as an option again. Especially when I have seen what they did to me, how little they cared or care now, how they continue to do it to me with no progress whatsoever. With constant lies and people contradicting themselves, with that old form of abuse. When they hurt me I am just imaging it all, they say again. With no change whatsoever and finding myself locked in a nightmare that will never end. That will never end even if they had the decency to lie to me and tell me it had. And they didn't even had it to do that. So yes, until I see some real justice, some real accountability, people admitting what they did and taking responsibility for it, people ensuring I have the monetary damages and all I need live for the rest of my life now after they've done this, and after a lifetime of abuse. The police and first responders making sure I can always drive after they put me thru that decades long nightmare that really still continues. When I see some real justice, when I see some real accountability, when I see all who did this punished and exposed, when they make amends by seeing the rest of my life isn't like they've made everything up till now, I think the threat will end. If I have a long happy, peaceful life I think there would be little or no reason that I would even consider that. But of course as I keep pointing out the nightmare will never end, they've done absolutely nothing and I think the world sees now how they can never be trusted. But as I said, that's their fault and their responsibility not mine. So why should even worry about it now?