Yesterday.

I saw my GP yesterday. And I guess in some ways the visit may have been reassuring. It seems mostly to have established all of my doctors are still lying, and about some pretty important matters. We had an argument over the phone before I arrived about being late. The receptionist said since I was habitually late she would have to just drop me. I explained to her I have always had a problem with that. Obviously due to some undiagnosed problem. I always knew it wasn't my fault, but I still don't know what it is. And we had that talk again about Eric being my chauffeur. As I explained that would only make me more late, having to wait for a driver. The important thing now was for me to maintain my independence and current standard of living. And besides all of the damage and all the things now that making me more late are my doctors' fault. And she claimed that wasn't true and to not know what I was talking about, even though as I said all of that has been confirmed. Confirmed repeatedly. And I told her I have no other doctor to go to now, and why am I being punished for all of this? Punished for all of this still and while absolutely nothing is being done? And throughout the visit again it just established that my doctors are still lying to me, nothing has changed and I will never be able to trust them, not even about important matters. Which like I said I thought you couldn't do to the worst felon, and it just continues for me. She said that unlike what my podiatrist said, I probably won't eventually lose all sensation in my limbs. That might sound reassuring, but like I said it just confirms one of them is still lying. I asked her about my strange number one and number two problems. She said I must have a weak bladder or something like that. Like I said, I am pretty sure it due to my Cerebral Palsy. Cerebral Palsy due to birth trauma was diagnosed by an EEG in 2011 even if my doctors are all denying it now. Plus I don't know what causes all those problems. If I at least knew my diagnosis. Something about that sounds not only wrong after all these years but very wrong too. Because I am becoming an old man now with those problems and clearly no one cares in any way still. And I asked her about my cleaning issues with number two. My gastroenterologist said that could lead to infection. She said there is no special cleaning product, there is nothing I could use. Because I go thru many baby wipes each day and that alone is expensive. She said have you considered a bidet? I don't know if that was a joke or something. Like I said, I assume people with my condition get special instructions and special products. And like explained to her, after Eric dropped me for complaining there will no bidets. No bidets, no cars with special safety or handicap features, none of the special items I need at all. I don't even have the diagnosis of what is wrong with me and I have no idea how to deal with it. And now I am being punished on top of that by having to deal with all of this into my old age a damaged old man, with no assistance and no one to help me clean and not even knowing what my diagnosis is. As I explained to her, my diagnosis seems complicated. I once thought I had serious short term memory issues, but someone online explained my problems sound more like problems with attention. Sometimes just knowing what the problem is can help a person deal with it. My issues are unique and I always found a way to deal with them. But I am an old person now totally alone, and I am being punished by the medical community with medical care again. I said already I expect all the people who did this to me for all these years. All the people who abused me, all the police and paramedics who tried to endanger me by taking away my nice things while I was living in a city where I was one of the few law abiding, all the people who secretly harmed me with medicines I never needed and never should have been taking and never consented to, etc. etc. to pay for all of that. And instead now I am back to trying to figure out for myself what is even wrong. Because she says as far as she knows nothing. She never even heard of any of those problems. Perhaps I just need more water and more fiber in my diet she eventually said during our visit. Like I said, I am going spend the rest of my life seeking accountability for all involved in this whatever the outcome. (And also quick side note: she did confirm that my gaining weight for the first time in my life in 1994 was obviously due to changes in my body. Changes in my body that will now never be reversed and that I will have to live with for the rest of my life now.)