Jimbee68's blog

Like I said, for years I wondered who would be capable of such extreme mental abuse like I was subjected to, and the horrible threats, starting before age 18 even I think, and whether the threats would ever come true. I really thought for a while maybe I wasn't even supposed to tell others of the abuse I receive. Not only did it include severe emotional abuse, but it seems to have involved the mental health services of Michigan. And also people like teachers, and doctors, and police and EMT's. But there was never any physical abuse I always noticed. Though the threats had to become more and more realistic because I was beginning to see thru them. But I wonder if there really was no physical abuse, because now I am damaged permanently. There's permanent nerve damage to my feet, and actually both hands my doctor now tells me. And neuropathy in all of them too, along with Type 2 Diabetes. Although that one doctor says I'm all over my diabetes. (I don't know about that though. The doctor who told me that I have neuropathy and nerve damage in both hands now also used to tell me my neuropathy is all gone too.) So that could be physical abuse. And it could be the answer to their constant quest to take all the simple pleasures away from me, for whatever reason they were doing that. Because if I lost my feet or lost use of my feet, there'd no longer be any walks in the park. And if I lost my hands too. I don't know what quality of life I'd have just spending the day getting around in a wheelchair. And without hands I probably wouldn't even be able to drive. And driving it what every is based on now. Not just my happiness and leisure, but my independence, my well-being, my medical consent and my safety. And then I don't know what I'd do. Plus this new form of abuse, fighting a hopeless battle trying to show people I know all about the deception now, and how I am denied all access to the legal system, even though that would never be justified even for the worst villain. And I'm certainly nothing like that anyways. But this final abuse, fighting a hopeless battle that will never end, will be successful. It will finally be successful because I'll never know when it's over. And so far no one has even had the decency to lie to me and tell me it is.

There's another thing too. My forcible medication with those horrible antipsychotic neuroleptics. Someone like me with Cerebral Palsy should never be taking them in any form to begin with. And medicines should never damage under any circumstances. It is a gross violation of patient's rights and misuse of medicine. I was reading online that people aren't allowed to do that in even the most extreme cases. And my case is not at all extreme. Quite the contrary. That is actually what makes my case best to look into all these things and make changes in the system. No one could ever claim that they did these things to me because I was a danger to myself or others. And now my hands and feet are permanently damaged, my life is forever shortened with Type 2 Diabetes, and whatever damage that was done to me by those drugs. The damage was done and started decades ago. They still are withholding that information from me. The damage was done and started decades ago, and if I knew I could take affirmative steps to deal with the situation. If not legal, even just to stop taking them on my own. Maybe frankly even hide the pill in my cheek as my parents made sure I swallowed it. Like I started doing in December 1993, and now as I realize how my psychiatrist knew I was doing all along. He gave me a blood test shortly after that, which probably showed him I skipped my psychiatric medicine for that night. So I could go out the next day. Because those medicines made me sleep so much, and I noticed I could get up early the next day if I skipped that one night. But when I started taking that Olanzapine around the early 2000s it was different in its effects on me. So I stopped doing that. But frankly I should have, because the damage that Olanzapine was great, and now it's permanent. That's why they call that a de facto right, and it would have been hard to lock me away for noncompliance or do something like that. There aren't enough beds in Michigan for psychiatric patients who need them, and like I said I have never been a danger to myself or others. And also that is why it is very important I never be sent to a group home even, not even a nice one. Because I'd lose all medical consent there. And they even slip stuff into your food in place like that, like I learned about in 1989. And if I just knew the damage that it was doing to me I could have. But my doctors withheld that information because they thought they knew better than me, or maybe they were under some kind of court order not to tell me. And they told me I was the picture of health, all while they were permanently damaging me with those unnecessary drugs.

Everything that was done in my case that was done was done horribly wrong. And now I am permanently damaged and my life forever shortened. And who knows what care I will need into my old age. It might be very expensive. But my guardian can afford it, living in his rich suburb. And if he doesn't, he can be held in contempt of court and jailed. And also, if he's claiming now that he can't, we need to put in place an auditing process, as I've said. Everything that was done in my case was done horribly wrong, it was all unnecessary and unjustified, and now I am permanently damaged. And I demand that an investigation be done immediately. I demand that and that all responsible for this be held accountable. All responsible from my childhood on. And I want all my medical consent restored to me. And I want all the horrible abuse, the horrible abuse that was systematically used against me since I was a child, to end. And I want all those people who did that through my life to ensure, as payment for their horribly wrongful actions, to make sure I have a good quality of life from now on. And I am going to spend the rest of my life ensuring that is done, exposing all of them. Exposing all of them for what they did to me till the day I die.

And I'm still not convinced my internet connection is not being intercepted. It would change little, because I should still go on with my business as usual. But it is still very odd. People's reaction to me sometimes seems so odd. And on some sites people tend to avoid me. Like they've been told something false about me, I sometimes think. Which if true, I would find very wrong and be very much against.

Also people seem to react not only strongly to things I didn't do, but sometimes just strongly to my presence. I tried to join that other message board I was kicked off for made-up reasons in 2022, in 2001. And their reaction as I tried to join was very odd, and very extreme too. I was just trying to have a diplomatic discussion. But instead they were berating me and insulting me and degrading me. Clearly filled with rage towards me even though they didn't know me, and I did nothing wrong there. Or being filled with rage because I was either mentally ill or mentally disabled, they seemed to say too. And the lady who used to help me clean said that matter had been resolved, like she knew something. Something she couldn't tell me it seemed. Why is there so much secrecy in my life? I am not an important or noteworthy person. I haven't done anything wrong. And I just lead an ordinary, simple life. No one should know about me. There is simply no reason for that.

And I keep seeing weird stuff like what I said above. And even weirder stuff still. But I know I am not hallucinating it or having a delusion. And I know we are not living on a simulated plane. That is why it all has me so confused.

Like I said, there were many clever forms of abuse. One was just to take away the most simplest pleasures from me I thought no one could ever take away. Now when I say that like that, my therapist giggles knowingly clearly like he knows all about that. Just to make clear.

Like I said, the Dearborn police tried to take away my love of walks in parks when I felt down, and my love of harmless sports cards. Making a big public scene with each. And I really loved that German restaurant in Dearborn. It had gourmet food that was affordable. And that is my philosophy of life, much like that of the Frugal Gourmet. Gourmet food, like all the finer things in life, need not be expensive. And I was enjoying going to that restaurant so much. On special occasions, but still. But then the lady owner talked loud enough so I could hear that she didn't want me, personally, in her restaurant and couldn't wait till I left. And we never returned. And I never got the chance to try the Beef Wellington like I wanted. And now the place is closed, though I don't know if I would have ever felt comfortable going there. And now the chance to have my Beef Wellington is forever gone. All the things in life I enjoy, many of them just such simple pleasures. But they meant so much to me. And all of them were taken away from me one by one.

Same thing with other things in other places. I just thought of this. We were going to see the new see the new 2002 Star Trek movie February 2003, Star Trek: Nemesis. We were late to see the movie, and I was about to leave a Dearborn library branch February 26, 2003. I had gotten some risqué, but otherwise perfectly innocent pictures, off their copier. And as I said, we were in a hurry to leave. And in a crowed library, in front of many patrons, an old lady librarian ran up to me and yelled "We have rules in this library! We have rules! Hand it over! Hand it over!!" I was late, and she seemed to think I did something I didn't even do, I thought at the time. And thought long after. All of that situation still has me very confused. And plus I told her, I paid for those copies, so they belong to me (maybe because I didn't have the legal capacity to own things even then?). Anyways long story short, she ruined that movie for me. It wasn't one of their better movies, but still.

And then my relative A, or rather my "adopted" relative A (because he tells me he offended to be referred to as my relative, even though I never did anything to him), always ruins every event I want to enjoy. Every birthday party we had at my house he ruined. He always was the first to arrive, which of course was no accident. And he always came wearing a long sleeved, thick leather jacket. Which is strange. Because my birthday is at the end of June. And they he insisted on going to my basement, which is weird. What business did he have in my basement? The party was in the living room. But he insisted. And people know I don't disturb people when they go to my basement. And then he spent an usually long time there. Doing what I never figured out. But I still shudder to think. Either taking something, or maybe leaving something, I later concluded. And when my father was declining mentally, he was going to assert his legal authority, as a nephew he said, to take my father out of Detroit. He didn't care what happened to me he plainly told me on the phone. I could stay in that house for all he cared. But he was going to take my father to a cabin in a small town in the middle of Michigan, and live with him as father and son, he told me. One time we went with him to a restaurant in Redford Township. And I was really looking forward to trying the flaming saganaki cheese there. And he ruined it totally. (Which timing seemed no accident even back then. That he ruined something so important to me like that, trying their saganaki cheese finally.) He made a big scene again. He told my father and I he was going to take the final steps then to take my father out of Detroit, and move him into that little cabin, up north. And I was mortified. And not that it matters, but I really lost all interest in saganaki cheese after that. Because again, it was my simple pleasure in life. And like the others, it was so affordable. Or Christmastime 2021. I met with him for a nice dinner, I thought, at a restaurant in Oak Park. And again, he told me he was taking action. As a sedevacantist Catholic, he was morally and spiritually opposed, to my interest in sports cards and NBA players. Just like the Dearborn police, basically. My interest, like in the posters he saw all of my walls at home. (And he told me pointblank once that it was obvious why I had all those posters. When you have so many he told me, your interest in them must be sexual. It's just unavoidable, he explained.) But he was going to assert his moral authority as trustee, he explained. To save my soul, by marching into my house some day and taking all those things away from me. He had no choice, he explained. It was so I could see my parents in heaven when I died.

Anyways, that's some of the mental abuse I received over the years. But there is so much more. And I was going to be living that way well into my old age. With the abuse getting more and more clever, and more realistic. Since I was seeing thru it it all, as I said.

Like I keep telling everyone in my life, first and foremost, I want all my medical consent restored to me. And I never want it ever taken away from me ever again.

Second on my list in priority is the car. My guardian will always make sure I have one, or face the legal penalties. One with all the features I may need, now that I am permanently damage. Especially with the complications that will bring with my Cerebral Palsy. Along with the fact I was never given the status of Cerebral Palsy and given no special considerations or accommodations for that. And I want that right restored immediately. I want to have the same rights of driving in Michigan that everyone else has, because I clearly don't seem to have that. I don't know the details, there's no way I could. I know the sick joke that I look to mentally handicapped to drive began by 1995, if not before. (The whole sick joke that I looked very handicapped to other people began in that hospital in Dearborn in 1988 or 9.) Then around 2004 or 5, after everyone in my life drove me to suicide again, they started threatening me that they would take away my car. Even though I had every right to drive and was an excellent driver with good insurance. Good insurance living in a city where most people don't even have that, I learned just this year. Threatening I mean, because that's what it was. A clever new threat. But it was a horrible, violent threat to be sure. And I will keep repeating that in every new situation too, so everyone around me always knows. But I want whatever limit of consent I have that makes taking my car away so easy restored. Everyone was talking about it around 2005. So that leads me to believe I had limited consent by then. But I don't know. I'll never know for sure.

And I want my freedom of contract restored to me. When I enter contracts, I think they are valid contracts but they are not. That is why that board could drop me so easily in 2022. I thought I have a binding contract with them and they could never get away with that. The fact of the matter is I had no such thing. They were just part of the deception. That is outrageous. Like I said, we should always be able to trust the integrity of our legal system. Sworn affidavits should always be real, court proceeding should never be play-acted and contracts should never be make-believe. Because where would that logic end? For someone who didn't know what was even going on in their life while that was the case. I want that right restored to me immediately and at once.

Of course everyone in my life will have to somehow prove to me that that has all been done. And they'll never be able to do that, because I'll never trust them. They are all not to be trusted by anyone, and they are capable of great evil too, all of them. So I don't know how they could prove it to me. And so far they haven't even tried once. I just know I will probably stop signing those fake consent forms. With my next medical proceedure I have scheduled this year, for sure. I don't know when I start signing them. Probably never I guess. But like I said about things like the suicide one, whose fault is that?