1000 Facebook "Friends" Ignore Woman's Suicide

You're right, it's extremely tiresome dealing with threats of suicide over and over, month after month. As horrible as it may sound, being close to someone who threatens over and over one can't help but think, "I don't care if they do do it anymore, as long as this stops." It's the limbo feeling of constantly being on one's toes that is so exhausting.

That being said, I see it this way. If someone is threatening suicide and you have the chance to intervene, you should. If they're serious, you could help "save" the person's life. If they're likely only attention seeking but are depressed enough to do so, stroking their ego won't hurt. If anything it will make them feel better.

With the latter person however, long term relationships don't work because one can never have respect for someone who is so casual about empty threats of suicide. Once their depression has subsided they're likely to find themselves a few friends short.

 

How do you determine a empty threat of suicide opposed to a failed attempt at suicide.
I for one have had nights I swear I was going to kill myself yet did not, apparently.
If I had posted it online I might be viewed as a attention seeker, in reality I have attempted many times, almost succeeded nine times.
To assume a person has a want of sympathy in mind may be confused with a cry for help in the moment.

 

I was speaking from personal experience. I have been around people who threatened and very clearly had no real intention of doing so, I have been around people who have threatened and followed through numerous times (but did not succeed), and I have been around people who didn't say a word and were later found dead by a loved one. In person one can usually tell the difference between one who threatens with no real intention of doing so, and one who really does wish to do so.

 

i agree, as someone that has attempted numerous times myself i find it kind of insulting that so many ppl threaten when they have no intention of doing it. in fact maybe because of my experiences i actually take ppl that say they are going to do it before they "do it" much less seriously, and see them as attention seekers

 

I think if they're the second type of person you mentioned, if they're of a mature age(at least, a age where they SHOULD be more mentally mature) chances are stroking their ego is positive reinforcement, and will simply encourage more of the same, and likely after that stops working they'll start with "attempts" that they don't REALLY want to succeed, and then people just stop caring... and then they end up like the individual this thread is about, crying wolf and valued by few, and eventually valued by SO few that no one bothers to check or believes, and there's no one to stop them, while they're trusting in that, and depending on that for their self-worth.

 

Something occurred to me reading all these posts...

So you have your typical depressed person... we'll call him jimmy... He decides one day that he is going to end it... so he posts a message somewhere saying he has decided to end it all.

People read his message and message him back, telling him all the reasons he shouldn't do it, and it gets through...

He decides he isn't going to commit suicide...

To everyone besides those who messaged him and convinced him to change his mind... Jimmy is now one of those who cries wolf...

 

I do agree with you. I would intervene in just about all cases where someone is threatening suicide. Because you just never know. Intervening in an instance where the person is attention seeking, and merely wanting an ego boost, is certainly not in itself, necessarily a bad thing. but intervention in that case is far from "needed" or essential. But Id still rather do that, than take the chance of them being serious, and then having it on my conscience that I didnt intervene when I could have.

On your last point, you are completely correct. And this is mainly the reason why if I was seriously considering killing myself, I likely wouldnt tell anyone, or maybe only people I felt really close to. As they would deserve to know. Although I have thoughts of suicide fairly regularly, I never tell anyone "Im going to kill myself", because I know with my fear of death and dying, Id be unlikely to carry the threat through. And I dont think its fair to burden somebody with that, unless you're sure in your mind that you will do it. Both of my previous suicide attempts where done without telling anyone of what I was going to do. The first attempt very nearly succeeded as I was drunk, and so the fear of death that usually holds me back was gone.

Constant, empty threats of suicide, is likely to cause people to become irritated with you, and perhaps rightfully so. I find even talking about how bad Im feeling, to be burdening someone, so I certainly wouldn't say something like I was going to kill myself unless I was deadly serious. I myself, dont have much time for the ones who threaten suicide with the main aim of just getting attention. In my eyes, it trivialises the issue, and real chronic depression. And also, it makes it even harder for the people who really are in genuine distress to be taken seriously.

 

I myself, certainly would not think that. If the same person did it several times, then that likely would be something that might start entering my mind. But I certainly wouldnt class a genuine cry for help as "crying wolf". The key thing I think here is, there's a difference between genuinely wanting to die, and just wanting your pain to stop. For me, the suicidal thoughts come, because I see death as the only way to escape my torment. And seems like the only way to be free of the pain. But that doesnt mean I actually want to die.

 

How would you know?

You see on facebook one day someone saying they are saying goodbye and commiting suicide... and two weeks later, they are still there posting...

Are you not sitting here saying that you have suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions?

What about someone who hits rock bottom and feels that way and gets talked out of it for a couple of months before they cycle back round again?

We say things like, "If the same person did it several times, then that likely would be something that might start entering my mind." but it can be just as valid multiple times as just once.

What if the person is the type that when left alone they get trapped in their own thoughts and spiral into a pit, decide to commit suicide only to be talked out of it by someone... repeatedly... maybe not by the same person each time, but someone steps in and talks them out of it.

All someone on the outside looking in is going to see is someone who says they are going to do it repeatedly and never does.... obviously a drama queen and no need to pay attention to them...

What happens when that person hits rock bottom again and nobody does show up or try because they have said it and not followed through?

Looking in from the outside of the situation is never going to tell a single thing about what is really going on...

 

^ Exactly right.
And you got some cajones, Orison...truth telling and all.:2thumbsup:

In my other life I worked daily with people with all types of disabilities - physical and mental...great benefits and yada yada...hardest job I ever, ever had - for 12 1/2 years. Had I continued in that profession, I'm just not positive I'd be here now, so I understand exactly what you've been saying.
Letting ppl in the "helping people field" know that one of their own may need a little help, is something that is usually avoided.

No, its just plain foolish (and stupid) to tell an obviously (mentally or otherwise) disturbed person to "calm down"...hearing that when I'm really upset just pisses me off worse!

And the person you originally talked to on the phone..."hon" - should've lost her job immediately...and been black-balled from the profession! However, it's ppl like that, that often get promoted. wth

 

AND - it's usually the ones that don't tell everybody, post and bla bla that are quite serious - and do commit suicide...yes, sometimes after enough attempts and cries, a determined person might do the deed....however, one cannot blame it on others when a person chooses to take their own life.

 

I am, but Im mostly talking in the past tense. And Ive also stated Im too scared of death for me to be likely to go that extra step and actually kill myself. Plus, I've never told people "goodbye" (in the sense that Im just about to kill myself) or "Im going to commit suicide" ever. Let alone post such a thing on a public messageboard, and repeatedly doing so. So it's totally different. Saying you've had suicidal thoughts, and saying you're actually going to kill yourself that in that very moment, isnt the same thing.

I never said it couldnt be. Just because I said "the thought MIGHT start entering my mind" after several times, doesnt mean that it would, or that I think doing it multiple times in all circumstances "isnt valid". Every case is unique, and should be treated as such. Unless its blatantly obvious that the person is merely attention seeking, then caution should always be advised. And benefit of the doubt given. Its always better to be safe than sorry.

That is exactly true, which is why I said posting such things on a public messageboard probably isnt really the best thing to be doing. Only if you REALLY know someone, can you have a real idea of the genuine or otherwise nature of a person's threats of suicide. Ive already stated that I wouldnt see everyone who said it repeatedly as a "drama queen", although in some cases, that is exactly the case. The problem is, telling the difference between those in genuine need of (sometimes repeated) help, and those just wanting attention. Which can be very difficult to do, when you're just reading a message online, and dont really know the person.

Somtimes, it might be obvious, but in most cases, it won't be, and so its always better to be on the safe side in those instances. The problem though is, to most people, repeated threats of suicide that are never carried through would be "attention seeking" and being a "drama queen". That is just the way most people would be. For some people anyone saying that even once, would suspect that being the case. Which is the main reason why public messageboards/social networking sites are not really the best places to get help if you really need it, because its not likely to be forthcoming.

 

How logical are you when you are thinking suicidal thoughts?

 

I actually am quite logical when having them. Probably because Ive suffered with chronic depression for most of my life since early childhood, those feelings feel natural to me, because I dont know any other way of being. I also am very well aware of how cruel and cold hearted many people can be, and Id be aware Id be just as likely, if not even more likely, to be made to feel even worse from attempting to seek help in such a public way. Ive also learned to deal with things on my own. Which at times can still be extremely difficult, but when you've lived with something all your life, you find ways of coping.

I do realise exactly what you're saying, and it is very true, a lot of people who are in such a state of mind are not thinking rationally, and the balance of their mind is disturbed. Also, I think some people can be quite naive, and dont actually realise how callous and uncaring a lot of people can be. And this is only made worse by the internet, and people thinking they can get away with a lot more, because they are protected by anonymity.

I know what you're getting at, and I do agree with you. Just because I personally myself wouldnt do it, I can see why a lot of people would. When people are desperate, they're likely to do desperate things. And publically announcing to who knows how many people that you're going to kill yourself is about as desperate as you can get. For some people, Im sure they see it as their only potential avenue of support. Which although perhaps foolish, is also very understandable.

 

I see what you're saying.

That's a good point.