3 way marriage

Well, I've always looked at it like this.

If I am involved with a woman who is bi-sexual (as in she enjoys the company of both men and women), the most selfish thing I could say is that she could only ever be with me. I'm not interested in being in a permanent relationship with someone who is 'dating' or sleeping around, so whats that leave?

To those who think that a multiple partnership realtionship is about having more then one spouse to 'take care' of them, I imagine no matter what type of relationship they are in there will be an imbalance to it. Either a relationship is balanced or it isn't.

Where that balance lays, depends soley upon those involved.

For some, they can find it in a single partner for their whole life, while others find it more rewarding to do otherwise.

 

But that is the same as being with a straight woman and them not being able to sleep with any other guy but you. If the person you were with wasn't satisfied with you and wanted others, then to me that isn't a relationship. I feel that would be settling. Like, you are with someone but can't make the commitment of a relationship.

Perhaps, I am just old fashioned. I really don't care what others do in their private lives, but I can't understand this and wouldn't go for it myself.

 

You keep bringing up 'satisfaction' or a lack of it in regards to your partner.

Did you choose to get into a relationship because you are not 'satisfied' with yourself?

 

Some people can't comprehend more than one true love, but I just feel like I love everybody.

 

I'm talking in terms of a relationship. To me that means two people who are happy being each other and not needing or wanting a third person.

 

I have a lot of friends that I love so much, but I wouldn't be in an intimate relationship with them all.

 

Lol, well thats why I wouldn't want any more than 2 or 3 partners, it would just get more and more complicated. But I honestly feel like I fall in love with every girl that makes me feel it. It seems like everybody ends up with same old get married with one person, and have a boring rest of their life growing old. But I want more than that, I just feel like I would have the life I want.

 

Well now just because someone chooses to spend their life with one person does not mean that their life will be boring. You could be married to ten woman who somewhere down the line become the most boring things you have ever met and I will be having great fun with my 'ordinary' relationship!

 

I am also talking about relationships.

To me, you don't look for partners based on the 'lack of satisfaction' in your current life, no matter what it may be.

Before you can have a happy balanced relationship with anyone else in the world on any basis, from freindship to life partners, you must be satisfied with who you are as a person.

Those, who from a feeling of 'dissatisfaction' go looking for other people to involved, are usually just ensuring their will be more 'dis-satisfied' people around them.

The same thing applies to multiple partner relationships....

If you are looking for another partner because you are dis-satisfied with your current situation, then I will 100% agree with you that there will be problems.

Just like you must be satisfied with yourself before you can expect others to be satisfied with you, you must be satisfied with your current relationship before adding in others.

None of this is to try to convince you otherwise typsygypsy... choosing to be in a monogomous relationship is as equally valid as any other, as long as all involved are honest, loving and respectful.

 

I know, but it won't be nearly as fun. I would feel "trapped" and want more. I dunno, I guess Im just selfish or something.

 

That is a fear of commitment...

Being in a multiple partner relationship can represent much more of a commitment then a monogomous one, especailly for someone who is trying to run away from it.

 

But I want to be commited, I am ok with it as long as it's not just one person.

 

No of course you make good points and I won't be convinced otherwise. I am happy with everything right now, but if my guy turned around tonight and said that he has been thinking about perhaps having another partner and that would make him happy, I would never agree to it because I would not be happy.

But, if someone is up for that, then that's no problem. Just never something that I would want a part of.

 

Yeah finding these girls that will be ok with it is going to be a serious challenge it is seeming like. Not only do they have to be ok with it, but I have to be able to love them, and they also would need to love each other. Well they wouldn't "have" to, but that would be my dream lol.

 

So what you met someone who you fell in love with and did want to commit to, but she wanted no part in having a three way marriage. Would you leave her to find women who would, or go behind her back?

I might be going a little off topic, but wonder how you see this panning out.

 

I really don't know tbh. I hope that does not happen.

 

Oh, I'll side with you on that actually...

One of the worst things I ever see getting done over this issue is when one partner decides part way through a relationship that they 'need' this to be happy and tries to coerce the other into it.

To start with, if you love your partner, your first instinct is to want them to do what they feel they need to be happy with themselves, but if it clashes with what you need to be happy with yourself, cracks start to appear.

I'll even go as far as to say if my partner came home and said they wanted to start dating someone else, I would be very bothered. Just like she would if I did that to her...

I don't date other people, and neither does she. We, together, may date someone, or may even include someone in our life as an equal partner, but just as you can't listen to just half your brain and make a decision you can expect to be happy with, neither one of us would try to make such a decision without the other being happy with it as well.

Knowing who you are and what you want (and being happy with it) should be primary to ever getting involved in a relationship. Knowing what your relationship is and where it is going (and be happy with that) should be primary to adding in other people. How the hell do you find happiness when you don't know what it means to yourself.

There are a lot of cases where monogomous couples who are having problems in their relationship, think that maybe if they involve someone else, all their problems will magically disappear... Usually the only thing that disappears is what is left of everyones happiness.

Part of it, for us (and I suspect most other people who are genuinely of the polyfi bent), is that we love ourselves, each other and our life, and we don't see any issues of sharing that love with another person who fits in with it. It isn't about solving any sort of dis-satisfaction.

 

A lot of the things you have posted in this thread say that you aren't ready for any type of relationship, to my mind.

More then anything though, the bolded part above tells me that to you, this is all about 'you', as someone mentioned in the start. What you are saying with that is you want to be in a situation where you get what you want, regardless of what the others involved may want.

I realize that you probably didn't mean to say that, but that is what you said boils down to.

 

Well, my life is about me more than anything, I know what I want, and it is just becoming clearer and clearer to me which is why I made this thread.
Of course I would not be the more important one in any relationship, but I do know at this point that this is what I want for myself, which I don't see as selfish but knowing what I want in life.

 

Knowing what you want, and looking for that is good.

Not caring if the other people around you (in your life) want the same is not.

Saying that you think a multiple partner relationship is what you want is not selfish. Saying you don't care if the others involved love each other is.