A Birthday Party Argument

I've had a similar situation at a party. My friends and I are all meat eaters (though I really only eat seafood with occasional chicken in comparison to my friend's red meat craze) while one of my friends is vegan. So at my birthday party, I made a totally separate meal for my vegan friend so she wouldn't be left out, down to getting her vegan ice cream.

My brother asked her why she was vegan and, being the only vegan amongst a bunch of meat eaters, she completely spazed and went on the defensive. It wasn't a malicious question yet she completely went off because she felt ganged up on (for no reason, mind you). It seems like your friend might have had a similar reaction. When you're in a group of like minded people and you're the odd one out, it's very easy to seem rude or defensive because you have to be. I know that living in a very conservative area as a liberal, I often flip the defensive switch and get really argumentative about things.

Granted, it seems like there are many more problems in the friendship than just that. You should still look at it from her point of view.

 

I haven't talked to her since that night.

I don't need someone in my life to be disrespectful if I don't have to. I get enough of that at work.

Thank you for the support and understanding drumminmama

 

Hell, I don't know what the hell kind of fur it was LOL

 

I agree with some of the other posters..... just forget about it. Its a big big world and not everyone will see it like you (and I for that matter) ..... But I say just be peaceful and loving and always try to throw out loving comments. Then she may be more willing to see your veiw or at least be a bit more respectful.

Hugs!

 

What you choose is so totally your own path in this sitation.
For me I don't gve a rats arse what someone else puts in or on their body...bbqs are always interesting. A common occurance here and although when I am with my old friends they always used to eat out when they ate meat but we wpuld dovege when I was around. Nowadays it is a matter of negotiating where and when to cook so it is really not a problem as I have never tried to force my friends to be like me and vice versa...to be honest they don't rock up wearing fur but given that I live in Aus the climate and our socioeconomics sort of deals with that most of the time. The closest to your situation that I can think of is when we were op shopping and the collars and sleeves of really beautiful old coats were actually real fur and then I gave them a miss and funnily enough most did so too. Some didn't though and I have always felt that is their choice and it is my place to point it out and then just to let it go if they don't want to listen to it (and vice versa). I am responsible for my own actions and I am not infallible no matter how hard I try and although my very presence around most of my friends and aqquaintances probably helps to raise their conciousness in regards to this area I am realistic in that it probaly is not something I can expect everyone to adhere to or agree with. And despite this we are still friends because friendships are built over time, over a lot more than just what I or they eat or wear. These things can initially affect a relationship/friendship but I don't think they define them. I think it is your choice as to whether you have her back...I probably would but then again I think you would probably would end up finding that just cause you have known someone for a long time it doesn't neccesarly define friendship. That there are other things that have been going on in your lives that are far more personal and if not and this is the most personal that you get with this person then maybe you have to redefine your relationship with them. man I just reread that and it sounds harsh to say that if you defne your relationships with others based on what they eat or wear you might want to look deeper but truly over time I have found relationships to come and go and the factors that define them as long term have generally had little to do with this but rather much more to do with other definitions of how they regard and conduct themselves.
good luck with it and take care of yourself first and the rest of it will just occur as it is meant to.

 

dancerannie said: "I don't mind people eating meat in front of me...or wearing animal products around me...but it's when the person presses the issue is when I get a little defensive."

seems to me your friend was the one being pressed. i mean you see her she has a fur coat. and somebody is actually askes is that a real fur? right there was the start of aggression. she got defensive plain and simple.

to me asking a person if they got a fur coat when it right there in front of your face is a stupid question. like walking out and seeing a person changing a tire on their car and then being stupid enough to ask , You got a flat tire?

then seeing the way you keep pressing on in the forums here i would be willing to bet it was a bit more agression twards her than your letting on.

so it all boils down to one thing. if she is your friend and you want to keep her as a friend forget it. if you dont give a shit about the friend again forget and just dont contact her anymore.

you already knew she was the "fasion DIVA" you should have expected her to try and stand out and gain added attention, i mean why else do people go out of their way to look a certine way if not to gain attention from others.

 

I've seen some pretty good fakes too, you'd have to go up and stiff them or fondle to tell. Depending on the person, asking of they are real or not could be the more reasonable option.

 

but even if the person is wearing a fake to a party where they know the person is against such things it was still only to draw attention. so fake or real didnt matter, only thing that happened was probably what she wanted. she got attention.

 

(changing it around to fit me so I can picture it better):

If a good friend of mine came to my house with a 6-pack of beer, knowing my religious beliefs against alcohol, I'd be pretty upset. I don't blame you for being mad, Annie!

 

I agree...I didn't think she'd actually wear something like that to my house, that's why I asked her if it was real. If it wasn't, the case would have been dropped. She said yes and continued on defending herself.

Whatever...this was two months ago. I haven't talked to her since.

 

Yeah but there's kind of a difference here....what she did is like going into a Christian's home wearing a shirt that says "I LOVE SATAN"

To me it just seems like she was intentionally trying to rile her up or prove that she thinks her lifestyle is "stupid"

I have had SO many people do dumb crap like that to me, just because they think my choice to be vegan is "dumb"

 

Yeah, it's been beaten to death. Thanks drumminmama