A look at the ego

Fear (and unconsciousness in all its forms) is basically a conditioned response. Pure Being arises out of the unconditioned... it is fresh and new and inspired in each moment. Awakening is really about recognizing our conditioning, and that recognition works to lessen its energetic charge and power. Yes, it doesn't make sense to try to "get rid" of our conditioning, but instead to become aware of it and break the pattern through awareness. As awareness grows in intensity the pattern is naturally broken. And I agree that we all have the potential to be fully present and respond from inspiration rather than conditioning.

One thing I've realized in this process of awakening is the need for self honesty. Awakening really can't be a show for others in any way... it is the most honest and humbling of experiences, and a road we must be willing to travel alone (in a sense).

I am never ceased to be amazed by life's wisdom in bringing to me exactly those experiences that highlight the fear and conditioning that still lives in me. Often I find myself in the 11th hour-type situations, which call to me to surrender, trust, and accept the form that life takes in that moment. Sometimes it's hard to do... when fear is still present. Listening to guidance and intuition, even when it doesn't make any sense to others, and doing it anyway without their approval... that requires the abandonment of fear, or rather having the strength and ability to rely on a deeper knowing. I never have to wonder for long whether the ego still thrives... because sure enough something occurs that gives me a clue. lol!

Mirrors. Yes... very helpful. I love mirrors and see everyone as a mirror for me. Anymore I actually enjoy recognizing a reaction to someone. It kinda makes me laugh... like, oh yeah that person thinks they're "all that & a bag of potato chips", and I start feeling all indignant (my ego loves to feel indignant). Well, it just so happens that MY EGO thinks it's "all that" and it resents someone else thinking the same thing. There can only be ONE "all that" person here! That cocky SOB! Hmph! LOLOL! Anytime we have a strong reaction to someone, it's because we have denied that which we are reacting to, in ourselves. And we project those qualities onto someone else. From one perspective it could be said that we manifest people in our lives in order to show us that which we have denied about ourselves. Ingenious virtual reality game... this world.

Very young children are a great example of unconditioned consciousness. But most of them are destined to go through the ego stage and then consciously break the conditioned patterns and evolve. Generally it starts around the time of the "terrible twos" when the identification with things begins. "This is MY toy, Mine, Mine, Mine!" And then the toys get bigger and more elaborate as we grow up. lol!

It could be said that almost everyone that comes in to this world inherits a portion of the collective ego and pain that is part of the energy field here.

 

Haha very good observation! My son is a few months shy of turning 3 at the moment, so Im going through the MINE stage right now :tongue:
God Bless you Blues -

 

That's pretty much exactly how I feel. I realized not to apply human thoughts and theories to objects other than myself. It is like a gradual unconditioning of everything we have been preconditioned for.

 

My daughter is 8 now and I have to say that parenting is one of the biggest challenges of my life. To stay present in the face of a child's strong will, stubborness, acting out, arguing, bad behavior, etc... wow! lol!

One thing that's kinda cool is that she's old enough now to have more philosophical type discussions and she's quite the natural at it. So I've introduced to her the concept of ego-based behavior, to illustrate the difference between her calm state and when the ego takes over. She calls it "Grizzly" and we often talk about when Grizzly takes over and acts out. This is pretty good practice for awareness. But I find that the most effective way we can teach awareness to our children is by modeling it, by staying peaceful and present and not reacting from ego.

 

Hello, all.

I suffered what many would call a psychotic break from reality last year and spent some time in a mental hospital. I like to think of that period in my life as a moment of enlightenment.

In any case, I wrote this, concerning the ego, in the midst of my insanity. It's racially charged, but see beyond that element and grasp what the text is essentially saying.

Peace.

[edit] Hip is sayin' my text is too long so I'll have to break it into halves.

I got revenge on this bitch ass nigga one time by getting’ my dick sucked by his wife. He stillon’t know. ‘Cause if I told him right away, it wouldn’t hit him as hard. So I vowed to him, on the last time we spoke–me and this enemy–that I would destroy his soul. He saw in me a fiery hatred, but he still laffed dat shit off, you feel me? Let’s talk about man’s ego, fam. Let’s get to the bottom of this fuckin’… this fuckin’… this mu’fuckin’ enigma, fam. Enigmas is, like, them things youon’t understand. Mysteries and shit, you feel me? You’nahmean, fam? Ego, not in the sense of ya pride and cockiness or whateva, whateva; ego, like in terms of the human mind as it relates to what makes niggas individuals. ‘Cause niggas… you feel me? Niggas, we some individualistic mu’fuckas nowadays. Even niggas who join groups and shit, them niggas got ego, too. They might look alike externally, but trust me: in that hour befoe they go to sleep, niggas be thinkin’. Niggas be contemplatin’ and strugglin’ in they head. So, genetically, we all a lil’ different than the females. But if you notice, that’s what they be fussin’ ‘bout all the time for, nigga. Y’heard’me, fam? It’s not ‘cause females is petty, it’s ‘cause they don’t got ego like we got ego (or at least ego’s associated demons). Let’s go back, fam. I been to all the continents, nigga. I seent them shits. I seent mu’fuckas without the faucet water and shit. You feel me? I spoke with them Dogon brothas over in Mali and shit. Niggas ain’t up on the Dogon, but I’ma put niggas on real soon. But yeah, I was sittin’ with them niggas around a campfire and shit, and one of them was like, “El, examine history and tell me what you see.” And that was easy to answer ‘cause I studied to show myself approved, you feel me? I said, “Men.” “A ha! And do you know why?” I said, “Yeah. This African Prophetess told me. Sexism.” And then, all them Dogon niggas started laffin’ at me, fam. I said, “The fuck yall laffin’ at? Ion’t find shit funny.” And them niggas just laughed harder. The old me woulda grabbed one of them niggas by they long ass beards and straight BODIED a mu’fucka. But yo, one of them niggas stopped laffin’ mad suddenly and was like, “But what causes sexism, El?” I said, “Ion’t know, dawg!” and threw my hands up in frustrated despair. For some reason, I felt mad bad ‘cause, like, I’m a god among men; but these niggas knew somethin’ I didn’t. If we ever had beef, no matter how seemingly unrelated, they could exploit this advantage and defeat me. What if them niggas had ego like me, fam? The nigga smiled a wiseman’s smile and said, “It’s ego, El.” And then, I trusted them niggas. ‘Cause if they was tryna sabotage me, they woulda kept the knowledge from me. Maybe them niggas was God-minus-ego. Or perhaps the optimism of man, that surrenders, leaving himself vulnerable. In the end, he was hurt. Some niggas never trust again. And you gotta think, my nigga! If niggas never trusted again, niggas would gradually cut theyself off from they loved ones and shit. And niggas would thirst for more power so that they was never vulnerable to anybody–man, woman, or God–ever again. That’s how ego works, nigga. One president was mad effective (Clinton), but a grimey ass dude. One poet wrote mad shit and was remembered for centuries (Poe), but was driven to insanity. Females go thru shit, too; but fewer of their ills are rooted in the rapid expansion of ego–in one’s maniacal paranoia. Niggas is gon’ say, “El, females got ego, too.” And I have a response to that, but I’d rather let niggas figure it out theyself, you feel me? Check it: Eything catastrophic that has afflicted humanity is rooted in the evils of ego–that side of the self which cannot accept truth because truth’s kinfolk is pain. Therefore, niggas would rather create their own truth. The mind creates its own perception. As the self becomes more self-absorbed, it accepts only its own truth and no one else’s. The ego is a closet extremist. We black, tho’. We the original humans and our minds built the ancient landmarks that still stand to remind of us of our dormant divinity. Dormant is, like… mu’fuckin’… like, fuckin’ untapped power and shit. But yeah… We related to the sun, you feel me? Nature and God are with us. But on the flipside, it’s some uhva folks out there who ain’t in-tune with nature. They feared their extinction, as the Sun God turned its wrath against them, they ran and hid underground, like reptiles and shit. These folks grew distrustful of the City of Black Gods and Goddesses, which they watched from far away and shit under the stars. One of them niggas said, “These niggers know somethin’ we don’t know!” Dude’s name was Demon King. Ica imagine how Demon King felt. He prolly felt like I did when the Dogon pointed and laffed at me. The demon king said, “Yo, we could just ask for they help, but who’s to say they gon’ help us? Huh?!” Demon King’s Right-hand Man said, “Chill, fam. Leave them people alone. We’re a cursed tribe. If the gods found out about this, ain’t no way we’d escape punishment.” Demon King said, “Stop bein’ a bitch. We gon’ do them niggas dirty. Watch. They got what we need, Right-hand Man. This is survival. If they won’t give it to us, we’ll take it from them. Somehow.” “But youain’t even ask’em yet, fam. How you know they won’t give us they melanin for free?” “Free?!!? Dawg, get ya mind right! They’d enslave us before they ever gave us anything–especially their greatest treasures, their melanin and their wisdom–for free. FUCK THOSE NIGGERS! THEY’RE DOING THIS TO US!” cried Demon King. And Demon King and his army started marchin’ toward the city’s walls. You already know the rest of the story, fam. Even if youon’t know historical dates or names or locations, you know that them niggas did us dirty. And they still doin’ us dirty. It’s ‘causa ego. Like, niggas’ll get in they private thoughts and just start wylin’, fam! We live in a universe where eything is possible. But not eything is probable. Ego is that side of the self that shuns the light and retreats into the confines of one’s soul. It has produced the men and women we know throughout the pages of history. But childbirth is a blessing; not a necessity, but a blessing. Childbirth keeps the ego in check, and the soul closer to its true manifestation of self. The Black God tried to protect the Black Goddess, but he was in a foreign land and in a weakened state. It wasn’t the same as it was back in the City of Black Gods and Goddesses. Some niggas held onto that power, but they were hunted and killed by Demon King’s goonsquad. In his weakened state, the Black God cried. And he grew to hate Demon King as Monte Cristo hated his persecutors. Hate was new to him, tho’. But now he felt it. He said, “Word up! I’ma get them bastids back for that shit they did!” And then somethin’ happent: the Black God developed an uber-ego, too. Prior to this, the Black Gods and Goddesses–yea, even the Dogon, perhaps–possessed egos; but nu'in' too big. He was still God, but D.K. fucked up his head. After that, the worst thing happent, fam. B.G. and D.K. joint forces, fam! Or at least thas what B.G. thought they was doin’. He studied D.K.’s style and D.K. studied his style. But all along, the nigga D.K. was just tryna find the secret to the Black Goddesses heart. When D.K. fount the key, he put a spell on her. When B.G. saw this, it fueled his ego even more. He stopped trustin’ eybody, fam. One Black God said, “Nigga, Ion’t even trust my own mama!” And so, B.G. continues to wander the land today, awaiting his moment to take revenge. That’s the story of ego, fam. I’ma tell yall niggas a secret, too. Don’t ask me why, niggas. I’m tellin’ yall ‘cause I love yall niggas. The secret is: THE GATE THAT LEADS TO THE GARDEN OF THE GODS AND GODDESSES STILL EXISTS. IT WASN’T DESTROYED. I will not tell you the gate’s location. Go find it yourself, nigga. My way is not your way so don’t follow my footsteps, nigga. Do you, fam! Do you! This was my way: I knew this female. Aiight, bet. Sweetheart, but with a history of sexual and physical abuse. And she loved me with her entire being. She wantd to have sex with someone else, though. She said, “I won’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable.” But my ego, unwilling to concede any form of discomfort, though I secretly feared the dude havin’ a bigger and better dick than mine, just said, “Nah, I’m cool. I’ll even watch you do it to show you I’m cool with it.” I watched. And that shit ethered my ego, fam. The nigga had a small dick and he had a lazy stroke, but it still killt me. She killt me, fam! She killt me! But death felt so liberating. My nigga said, "Death may be the only liberation there ever was." I wanted that freedom. I wanted that part of me to die. Niggas egos die and come back stronger eyday. Paul was a snake nigga, but he was on point when he said he died many deaths each day to get right with his God, though, ultimately, his God is not God. When the demon of my conscience showered me with words of consolation in the past, I said, “You right, El! Fuck them niggas! I’ma do me.”

 

But yo… I’ma connect the dots and show you some references to Demon King in pop culture: Children of Men is a story about Demon King’s quest for the Black Gods’ and Goddesses’ melanin. When the Spirits of Light watching over that Ancient Garden saw the suffering of the Diaspora, they said: “Let them suffer. Let us strip the Black Gods and Goddesses of Paradise, so that they may know pain and, thus, savor our Divine Gifts more upon their Glorious Re-Awakening. And when the time is right, we shall smite the sons and daughters of Demon King, who secretly prays to our Galactic Enemies. History will repeat itself up to a certain point in time and space. But yea, the Black Gods and Goddesses will have the power to forge a new path! If they repeat their mistake, they are unworthy of the Divine Element they alone–not even us, their Divine Protector–possess.” Thus chanted the Choir of the Spirits of Light, with a remarkable, mathematical unison. Word up. So Children of Men, though a work of fiction, picks up where we last left off. “Every lyric got a wormhole in it!” said St. Germaine. Demon King faces retribution for his vile ways. And he’s desperate. This nigga’s about to expire, fam! Nigga did all that dirt and now they ‘bout to get did REAL FUCKIN’ DIRTY, FAM! Word up. But the nigga D.K. installed a failsafe over the course of four centuries in the Americas. Remember, heain’t just fuck wit’ the Black Gods and Goddesses physically. He got in they head. Willy Lynch was, like, fuckin’… fuckin’… mu’fuckin’… Demon King reincarnated, fam! And then, he nurtured the Black God’s evil side of the ego. Remember? Put the haze down, nigga. I’m sober as fuck right now for a reason, fam. Hear this in sobriety and then hear it in an elevated state. Time was running out. As man crossed the threshold of Century 21, Demon King put in extra work to find THE KEY to his survival. But time ran out. In Children of Men, all humanity–white and black–go infertile. No scientists or preacher knows why. Suddenly, KEE, this black Goddess from the Caribbean or Africa or sum’n’, get pregnant, fam! And eybody– black, white–is vyin’ for her baby. Eybody got a mu’fuckin’ agenda. Here, it is interesting to note that while Demon King seeks THE KEE–the melanin–he has not even the honor to write the pages of history in truth; for, yea, KEE, though earth’s only hope, is depicted as a fuckin’ prostitute in the film. Also remember: by this point in time and space, the black folk possess melanin but lack the knowledge of they past. So they follow Demon King because Demon King provides them with answers, security, and purpose. And then, some niggas know Demon King is a bitch ass nigga, but they scared to do battle with the mu’fucka. So, all these ill-intentioned mu’fuckas want the baby. They want the KEE. Now here, there’s a fork in the road. Lemme explain both parts, homey. The first paff–and this is what ackchuly happent in the movie–is that KEE is confused and, in her confusion, she submits her body to The Human Project, a secret society covertly governed by Demon King. D.K. said, “We hate these people, but we need them. Let us make a whore of this Black Goddess. As our progenity multiplies, we will drown out the blood of the Black Gods and Goddesses, keeping only their melanin. The rest of humanity’s lot–the sons and daughters of Demon King–shall be so: we will rule the remnant of humanity through mind control upon the extinction of our mortal enemies, the Black Gods and Goddesses. When we have birthed enough women, we will dispatch of The Key.” Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd… That’s what he said, tho’. Aiight, bet. So they used her until they extracted enough melanin to survive while hating eything else they received from KEE during the copulation (rape) ritual. And they ruled the earth for 6,000 more years. Thas one paff. But just as each lyric contains a wormhole, so does time. So does space and the course of history. There’s Paff 2. In it, the Prophets of old were in-tune with the spirit world, but they worked alone. Because of ego? Ion’t know, nigga! But they never joined forces. One man CANNOT save us. One man will not save us. But a group of men have the power to change history. And believe it or not, this will not be brought about by war. The Black God is innately a Warrior; but he will now serve as a Protector. “The Warrior became Protector,” says St. Germaine. One man will never reach everyone. Man has Will and history has fueled our skepticism of anyone professing to know of a New (but infinitely old) Path. But a group of men–diverse in the sum total of their respective experiences–can do that shit, fam. Why cayn’t they? Through this Divine Campaign, they will reach the Black Goddess. What KEE woulda did if the Black God had fulfilled his role is, she woulda went underground wit’ the Chosen People and there they woulda hid somewhere low-key but tropical until eybody else died off. And they all would re-populate. ‘Cause yo… befoe KEE made it to The Human Project–before the fork in time, space, and history appeared from out of nothingness, birthed by the collective of Wills–KEE had a baby. She had a black baby girl. In Paff 1, Demon King keeps the black baby girl and performs on her the same ritual they perform on KEE. Fuckin’ pedophiles! Mu’fuckin’ bitch ass, blood drinkin’, vile and grotesque ass PEDOPHILES!!! But in Paff 2, the way it happen is: KEE re-unites with her Black God and they produce five more baby girls. Together, these seven women are the Mothers of Humanity. Iain’t tellin’ yall they names, neiver. Search, nigga! But thas how eything go down. Thas uh alternate perspective of Children of Men.