A question for the ladies

why do you have to constantly be making conversation with someone in order to prove that you're not scared of them? some people just don't like talking all that much.

so if it wasn't the trait that they all shared that turned you off, what was it? you can't really say it's not for one reason if there is no alternative reason offered.

 

they was not the kind of guys id go for look wise... not that i have a certain look i go for, but physically there was no connection, or it was that we didnt have much in common, or we was to much a like, so being in a relastionship together wouldnt have been a good idea

 

I'm speaking generally. When a guy is interested in a girl and is too passive and shy to say anything.

thought that's what we were referring to. my bad.

And I never said you have to constantly be making conversation, either. I was using conversation as an example.

 

Pretty true.

OP, women will pick a complete stranger over the nice guy who's been there for them for years as a friend and obviously likes them. In fact, they'll pick a known douchebag over a nice guy they decided to friendzone.

 

nailed it right there!

i'm one of those quiet guys i don't actively chase a girl i'm interested in or make the first move.. i would however give subtle hints i'd try to make eye contact from across the room and see how she reacts to that.. just watch and usually you can tell if chemistry is there.. i've found that if you let a girl know your possible intentions with actions (such as) this, if she likes you she WILL find a way to put herself infront of you.. how i've dealt with it from this point on has been different in every occasion but the former was universal.
i like the idea of not wasting time, i figure if the chemistry and want is not there i will not bother. i dont like the idea of courting a chic who has ultimately no interest in me.

 

yes i agree Roorshak but generally i think if the girl does this she is ultimately looking to be swept away. she must see some quality in the stranger/douchebag that she does not attribute to the nice guy.
is this really the nice guys type of girl?

 

I don't think this is neccessarily true. I'm always really attracted to confident guys that are easy in their own skin, but it really has nothing to do with the way they approach me. I like it when a guy acts a little bit shy in approaching me. It seems sweet and respectful. But once that shy guy approaches me, I would like to know that he's confident in who he is. I don't want someone that has no idea who they are or no confidence in their abilities.

 

probably was. i think i may have misinterpreted your use of "passive."

 

I meant passive all around.

The guy I was referring to that I dated was so passive, he let people walk all over me. Granted, I stuck up for myself, he NEVER stepped in for me or anyone else in his life, never stood up for his beliefs, never did anything that could possibly cause ANY kind of confrontation. It's just completely turned me off to ANY kind of passiveness or shyness in males at all.

Plus, my dad was the same exact way and it caused me to be abused for 12 years of my life.

 

It sounds like a combination of his problem and your problem.

No one should need to stick up for you. He doesn't own you, and in fact, it's not his fucking job. If you can't handle something, well yeah, he better step in, and the same in reverse. But there's no reason for him to be taking care of your business when you can.

Sounds like you want a boyfriend who's the human male version of the United States of America: Steps into everyones shit all the time to make sure it's conducted how he personally would conduct it.

Backing people up is great. Stepping in for them is NOT acceptable.

 

I never said it was his job. I never said I can't handle anything. But I do expect, being my bf, if someone talks shit about me or says something that's not true, especially if I'm not around, then I do appreciate the guy stepping in.
For example, one time when his friends and my friends were all hanging out, a friend of his tried to "hug" me. In doing so, he tried to put his hand down my shirt. Granted, I laid him out myself, my bf stood there and never said anything.
That's the kind of shit that bothers me. Don't fight my battles, but be willing to step in if I need you to.

Not at all, actually. That's controlling and stupid. Don't make drama. There's a big difference in wanting my guy to be WILLING to say something and him WANTING to say something at every turn.