I have unsuccessfully tried to stop dipping multiple times. The second I get in my car or start to drink I want to do it. Or when I have some spare time in the garage when I'm working.
to the idea of making things and designing them in my dreams. seeing little furry wild creatures in their own lives, not in a zoo. sleep and thinking my own thoughts, dreaming my own dreams, imagining all the other ways the universe could be and more likely is then what people tell each other to imagine about it. i guess you could call my despirate need for a lot, most of my time, to be alone without anything disrupting my thoughts, a kind of addiction. addiction to not being around humans as much as most people, as doctors of all that kind of stuff, tell me its typical for humans to need. the goodness of strangeness and the avoidance of anything wishing to be feared. i'm thankful i've never fallen into the trap of expecting or relying on any sort of a substance to be a substitute for that. not as a judgment of anyone else, just as a matter of what i wouldn't be able to do, of what interests me, if i were. that and their not being free, just more expense then value to me. oh if i looked like jorton's icon, or humans did, i would be too. i may have some kind of jones for chocklet, because i do get kind of anxiety if there isn't sufficient supply in the house. chocklet and chocklet with a bit of coffee in it. but not too sweet, the darker the better, well 70 percent is just about perfect, 85 or 90 is a little too dry, but still even unsweetened is better then none at all. and withdrawl without it, that too, so yes i guess that pretty much makes it one. don't know why i don't usually think about that when people are talking about such things. i mean if there wasn't any in the world tomarrow, i'd probably survive, but i wouldn't be very happy about it.
