Advice for Stupid People

don't rub honey all over your body when you're standing next to a beehive.

 

when peeing behind a tree in a forest in Arkansas, be careful for fire ants.

 

Do Not Have Kids

 

It is not possible to suck-start a Harley Davidson from the tailpipe.

 

Do not empty the bong water AFTER the cop has pulled you over.

 

Don't say any of the following:

Is our children learning?

Most of our imports nowadays come from overseas.

Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job.

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.

I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, uh, er, um that is, won't get fooled again!

I'm the master of low expectations.

 

The metal flag pole is not strawberry flavored in January.

 

follow the light

 

Those big bags of salt they sell at the hardware store are not for really big bowls of popcorn.

Giving Christmas decorations as Christmas presents kind of defeats the purpose.

Tinsel should not be stapled to party guests.

Do not shake babies to help you guess what is inside.

When someone says "Punch?" they are usually offering you a beverage, not asking you to hit them.

The stairs are not a good toboggan run. Find a hill.

Start at the top of the hill.

"Buy now pay later" is not the same thing as free.

 

Dont Lick self adhesive stamps

 

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Don't whittle toward yourself.

Don't pee into the wind.

 

If Your Left Handed ....Never.... I Repeat Never, Try To Use A "Right Handed" Screwdriver.


Promoting Safe Screwing....

Cheers Glen.

 

Do NOT put ether in your bong!

 

When Painting With "Striped Paint"......Never Mix The Paint Too Vigorously......Or You May Distort The Stripes !!!!!


Another Home Improvment Tip From......

Glen.

 

Don't zip up really fast.

 

never wear cordurouy underpants

 

Oral Sex does not mean you should just talk about it!

 

when someone says to go fuck yourself you really dont have to do it.

 

When your mother asks, "If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you jump off a bridge?" the correct answer is no.

 

Under no circumstances should you wear a loincloth made of 80 grit sandpaper.