Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer

Last time I was in it, about 30,000 ft.

Who are the mocking birds mocking?

 

the trees

what are umbrellas for?

 

giving your hands something to hold when the urge grips you.



Why is the beach so close to land?

 

so that the tide can come in ta have a rest from the ocean.

why can't i ever go grocery shoppin' without knockin' everything off the shelves ?

 

It's called tourettes syndrome. The blue in the language makes groceries go flyin'.

Why can't rock singers sing without squeezing on their balls?

 

It helps them hit the high notes.

Why aren't tree frogs called rubber squirrels?

 

because theyre actually made of wood


how much does a pound of air weigh?

 

a light much

why do swallows travel so much ?

 

The last time she swallowed, it didn't travel much, just down to her stomach.

Why can't men think about anything except sex?

 

I don't know but asking that is real close to thinking about something other than sex.

If you were an ant would you want to live on a farm?

 

Only if I got to ride a bull in the rodeo.


Scratching and yawning-which first?

 

yawn, then scratch.

how much make up is too much makeup

 

When your eyelids are lower than your nose-you've overdone the eyeshadow.




when I shine a torch in my ear how come my eyes don't light up?

 

cos you forgot ta charge the batteries

why is'nt upside down called downside down ?

 

Because that would technically be downside-up.

Why are titmouses named that? And is it titmouses or titmice?

 

cos their not field mices.its titmices

why do monkeys love banannas so much ?

 

coz the oranges just can't be trusted.



If my magnet is attracted to your magnet-are we poles apart?

 

no just a leathal illegal combination ha! ha!

why does turf come from bogs an coal from mines ?

 

Because coal is a mineral and the notion of claiming of turf is bogus.

If the word post and the word roast rhyme, which one is spelled incorrectly?

 

Neither-it's incorrectly that's always spelled incorrectly.


How come ballpoint pens know the most annoying time to stop working?