Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer

That's so they can scratch their phone number on your back when they are giving you a back rub, that way you'll call them the next day.

Their are 7 billion people on earth now. How many before it collapses?

 

as long as no-one carries anything heavy we'll be fine.


if we flattened all the hills,would the land spread further?

 

No, the oceans would just get smaller.

How do you fix a dick to make it edible? I know where I can get one.

 

Consult the Cannibal Cookbook.

How many helium balloons would it take to lift a small child off the ground a couple of feet?

 

a million

how long could someoe walk backwards before realizing that their heading in the wrong direction ?

 

According to our last election, probably about 4 years. :2thumbsup:

How long are your legs?

 

long enough ta run with

how wide is the ocean

 

about the same width as the oceanother

Where can I buy a Greek bond?

 

in greenland

does the sun know that the moon exists ?

 

Ask its grandchildren.

Does blood actually curdle if you yell loud enough?

 

Yes. Whey to go!


If it takes a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples on a bunch of grapes?

(That one is actually an authentic First World War riddle from the trenches, apparently ...)

 

Greater than or equal to the amount of teeth a chicken has...

(We had a teacher in Junior School who'd produce puzzles like this, he'd try to get over to us that not everything in life had an answer...)

How long is a piece of string that colour?

 

Pah! SIMPLES!

String that colour is called twine and comes in rolled balls of 2,4,or 6 meters AND is edible if you're a child under 3.


When you milk a cow how do you know when to stop?

 

You stop milking the cow when the cat has had it's fill.

Why do pants have two legs on them?

 

coz one leg would be a pant.Dogs pant-you don't wanna be known azza dog,now do yer?


Why don't call centres just employ more people to answer phones rather than make me listen to Beethoven for ten minutes because 'all our staff are busy'. ?

 

Because they plant subliminal messages in the music to make you buy Ben & Jerry's Ice-cream and Jars of Pickled Gerkins...


Why do Spiders have 8 legs, but Insects only have 6 legs?

 

Cos if they had any more they'd be decapods.


What happened to my apple crop this year??

 

it's an old tree, they only produce every other year

why are telephone poles so straight

 

They aren't. Some of them are gay. They just haven't come out yet.


How much butter can you make if you have 100 gallons of buttermilk?

 

Depends if you have a churn or a drain to pour it into.



How does my damned landline know to ring the instant I go into the loo?