Ask women anything

Thankfully my partner isn't petty, small-minded or ridiculously insecure, so when I'm admired or appreciated and that makes me feel good he realises that that's a perfectly normal and healthy human response. You assume that because other people finding me attractive boosts my self esteem that means I'm on the lookout to be unfaithful? That's one fucked up head full of bullshit you've got there. I'm pretty glad I'm not stuck in a relationship trap with someone like you.

The love we have is far beyond the scope of someone who is so needy, jealous and childish that they automatically jump to such a conclusion based purely on one comment about how people finding me pretty makes me feel good. I feel the same when women find me attractive, yet I am heterosexual. Know what? I'm proud when my partner attracts glances from women. I hope he feels amazing about his looks, and I hope he knows there are plenty of women out there who would do almost anything to be in my position.

I'd be interested to know what you think the appropriate response to admiration should be...Pretend I haven't noticed? Try to feel bad about being pretty to other people? What would you suggest?

 

See thats where you are so wrong

I love my husband and would never leave him. But when another guy finds me attractive it give me a boost which in turns comes back around type thing. And I'm sure my ol'man is the same way when he get looks from other ladies.

I think Fingermouse said it best and have to agree.

 

Here's the thing. I'm also in a committed relationship and I look at other women. And my fiancee looks at other men. Just because you are committed doesn't mean that you can only find your partner attractive. That to me is a destructive controlling fallacy. Even advertising is partially based on this principle.

Here's a personal question, and I don't mean to offend. How often do you get a bad haircut? Or another one. How often do you put on clothes that look horrible on you?

In one way or another everybody wants to be loved and/or feel attractive. It doesn't mean that we all want to cheat on our partners, or that we want to be in polyamorus relationships (not that there is anything wrong with that). It also doesn't mean that we are unhappy with our relationships or will drop our partner in a heartbeat if we find something better.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

well I suppose that's fair enough and if some poor sap thinks it means a woman he's fallen for likes him him and might leave her b/f for him then that's just his tough shit. C'est la vie.

 

Well I'm not sure I'd do that. I mean maybe it's 'cause I've never had a girlfriend so it's more of a massive deal for me but if the woman I proposed to the other week had left her b/f for me then I always imagined I'd just make a point of not looking at any other women. She'd be my world maybe if people in relationships are looking at other people or geting a boost or w/e from being looked at then it means they're not as devoted to their OH as they'd like to think. Like I said I wouldn't know though not having ever been in a relationship.

 

the rules for checking out women;

- if you're good looking, stare and comment on her ass
- if you're are ugly, welcome to mace city you weirdo freak

 

To the OP...

Don't ever think you can understand women. We are all different and 95% of us are a clusterfuck of crazy

 

No kidding ... :2thumbsup:

 

:2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup:

 

I'm not trying to judge. But to me it is impossible to judge a situation without ever being in a situation. That is why I have a problem with "Purity Rings" and "Virginity Pacts" and the like. Until you have been in a situation any opinions you have are based on theory.

This response seems to be based on some type of fairy tale belief of what love is and what love is supposed to be that we have been fed since childhood. Personally I would hate to be the world to somebody since I am human and not infallible. In the past I have let my partner be the world to me and it nearly destroyed me. The upside is that through that experience and some study of basic psychology I have gotten a more realistic view of love and relationships.

That belief that we are supposed to be the world for our partners and vice versa often leads to jealousy and resentment in a relationship. It can also lead to drops in self esteem and depression. I've encountered this enough in myself and others to view it as fact instead of opinion. Unfortunately it is also something that you have to go through to see it yourself.

Also, realize that I'm not saying this to be an asshole. I'm not at the other end of this line pissed off and ranting. As a matter of fact I'm really emotionally detached in this discussion. I can only go on what I am reading and the wording of your post. In basic human interaction and communication I am only working with 5% of communication by having this discussion in this format.

Stay Brown,
Rev J

 

What do you think I am out at the clubs working it??

I'm talking I happened to see a guy looking at me walking by, or hear a sexy remark. Type thing.

And if...... if....... I was out somewhere and I was chatting with a guy and I could tell he was trying to lets say get further. I would let it be known straight off the bat, I wouldn't lead anybody on giving them a false hope I might leave my husband.

It's one thing having ppl say "wow nice tits" or "You are pretty" type thing even stares and car honks. And another to be taking names and numbers........

 

A person can be sociable and not be out trying to get laid.

 

You could tell? Its been my observation that pretty much all girls, regardless of what they look like are pretty useless at reading 'signals'. One of the main reasons for this is because even if its fake flirting you still have to fake it because the alternative is they'll just get angry and bitchy at you. So if there is any connection to friends, friends of friends or family, that is you have to put up with her for some reason, you have to massage that ego or else theres a whole lot of negative drama

And that describes every female I've ever encountered. You all say the same kind of stuff out loud, you are not this, not that, but reality is always the same, by varying degrees granted; but the constant put downs on the husband, too overprotective / controlling / jealous of the husband, overuse of the word gorgeous to describe anyone you like, any silly excuse to cut off anyone you dont like as well as that constant need for affirmation from total strangers

I see you are aussie, 36 and I assume white. Doesnt really matter what you claim out loud, everyone is going to pidgeon hole you by the behaviour of your little category. In our little multicultural neck of the woods White girls and Islander girls are by far the worst, the majority of which seem unable to keep their legs closed


And this is the part where you call me a troll for saying something you like, or breaking the code of silence because you all think this kind of stuff is all magically kept secret from guys less than 6 foot tall

 

Yes but when the person being sociable is someone who the person she's being sociable to is a guy who's obviously crushing on her in a big way then it's understandable the guy might think it's more than that. Afterall she must like him on some level if she didn't then she wouldn't be sociable to him. This woman I'm on about wasn't a timid type who was too timid to give off bad vibes. Sometimes she was a bit stroppy with me and gave me bad vibes. Other times she was as nice as pie. So I think it's still quite a significant thing and potential meaningful if a woman is smiling at and talking to a guy. Most women know how to handle themselves and they're not going to smile and be nice and sociable to guys they think is a jerk or that they just can't stand because of something about his personality or the way he is as a person. The only reason i proposed to her is because she'd stop being stroppy with me and had been nicer and nicer even after I'd asked her if she'd got married which I thought would piss her off and make her realise, if she didn't already, that I'd fallen for her.

 

I am Aussie yes, White yes but came here from Canada about 6 years ago, I've paid my dues and went through all the hoops and am a citizen too.

And maybe the girls you have had bad experiences about have bittered you but I am talking from my personal experience. I may not catch every signal, but if I do I put a stop to it. In saying that tho I don't go out much anymore and there really isn't any chance of guys picking me up. These days I just get the compliments from strangers and nothing more.

I do see the girls you talk about tho, I call them the me girls. Duck faced, orange,fake tanned, fake everything. Those are the ones these days that want you to shower them with compliments and then spit on you when you turn your back and laugh. Those chicks are the fuckers that make the rest look bad.

 

Bittered? Hmmm, well you can hate something on an individual level, but still think its good for the whole.

I dont exactly know whats going on with our younger generation, there does seem to be a big spike in serious crimes committed by teenage girls, and again seemingly mainly white or islander girls, and the binge drinking thing. A bad thing if you are directly involved, but on the whole its refreshing that they may have a bit more oomph to them, less of them the orange duck faced type sitting around pinning about not having a boyfriend all the time. Hopefully that will translate 20 years later to a bunch of career minded gals that earn 100% of what their male collegues do, not 85%.

Or the 'gorgeous' thing all the time, every second sentence contains the word Gorgeous. I'm going somewhere with my gorgeous husband, no sweetie your husband isnt gorgeous you played it safe marrying some average looking guy that was easy to whip. I get to spend the day with my gorgeous kids, no sweetie, you are the only one that thinks that, everyone else thinks their heads are too big and they should have started walking 6 months ago. Or they are post 25, 2 kids still complaining about being objectified by guys, no sweetie, you have stretch marks and a c scar and your hubby cant be bothered with the 30 mins of cardio to play catch with the kids, so probably not the 5 mins for the horizontal tango.

Guys are just as bad, we've had a similar thread to this before, our OP, 41 male never had a girlfriend is talking about a younger waitress he talks to pre-order, straight into talk about marriage when they probably havent even gone on a date - doesnt register to him that that may be the creepy part, talks about attention / pampering cos he automatically assumes thats what they really want, when she may be re-evaluating her marriage cos the current one is too clingy, pissed off at our OP cos "errgh, why do I just attract the clingy ones?"


Guys or Gals, you are pretty much all the same, say all the stuff out loud that makes you look good, project the negative things on to anyone else. Whoever says nice things to you is a good person, whoever tells you what you are really like is an arsehole or bitch. This kind of stuff is way too common in romantic, plutonic or professional relationships


This:

Isnt really true either. Once you have experience in something you are no longer objective, theres a certain amount of subjectivity. One wants advice on the opposite sex you cant really ask one of them, you are not going to get objectivity.

To say you are not all like this is as easy as considering the opposite; how often do you hear the truth - "Well, he's not really my soulmate, there were another half dozen guys I would have preferred to marry but I couldnt get them, I think about other guys all the time but feel guilty about that cos everyone else tells me I should be a devoted wife, and men are the pigs so I dont want to be compared to them. I feel guilty for resenting my son cos he's too similar to my idiot husband and angry he didnt get his smarts from my side of the family. Angry at everyone else cos this parenting thing is just way too hard and no one warned me, I dont have enough time to look after myself so I feel angry, tired, cranky all the time, too self conscious, my huby doesnt really want to touch me as much anymore, and if he does he doesnt put enough effort in, so on top of that I'm also too horny to concentrate properly most of the time"

 

I have to say you do bring up some valid points. I know one of them..... yes with my ex-hubby I married just b/c. Bad mistake there. I think tho I learned heaps since I was in my early 20's.

 

If a guy is looking at a woman and she runs her hands through her hair in a sorta preening action do you think she is conciously or subconciously giving off signals? Does it betray a concern about how she looks 'cause she wants to feel like she's looking good to be attractive?

 

Perhaps you haven't met the right girl. Some come off as too aggressive or combative. I've seen some do that in the forums. I'm sure you have too. Girls, as well as men, farm animals, and all other living things, who have encountered insensitive assholes often put up defenses to guard themselves against further unprovoked attack. Fortunately in the forums there are a few responsible moderators who intervene. Those who do an honest self-assessment can often find the source of their inability to relate. It's really up to the individual to present himself/herself in a positive light. Nobody likes a jerk.

 

What happens when women get horny? Do these start stirring in your pussy and how often does this happen? For e.g if a guy is checking you out do you get that aroused feeling in your pussy or even start cumming a bit even though all your doing is getting aroused from a guy fancying you.