awesome bf not so awesome?!

^ uhm quiet a lot. And it's rather amazing... but we do have our times when we just go out for the heck of it and not have sex. It shows that he doesn't want me just for sex, but when we do have it, it's great! lol (which is one of the reasons why it would be hard to just break up)
And yeah, he is witty, smart and funny, and quiet a looker. All of my friends who met him, couldn't think of one bad thing to say about him... and my friends are usually brutally honest.

Sooo I got a txt from him saying that he's been really busy with life and school and apologized that we haven't seen each other much lately. (this was said without me even bringing anything up)

And honestly, at 1st I though he could've been with other girls... but I really don't think that he is, he's too old fashioned for that. Plus, if he was, I would have know/found out really easily... our mutual friends are really good friends to both of us, and they would have said something... Plus he doesn't seem like that kind of person..... I'm usually a pretty good judge of character on that level to see who's a 'player' and who isn't.

 

maybe he plays world of warcraft.

 

Well then you really don't seem to be having a problem.

The guy just seems to value his other objects in life close to you, which you should not take as an insult.

Believe me you do not want a guy who becomes a complete tool and puts you up too high. He develops character with all that he does, be proud.

 

Isn´t spending every day? He spends whole months away! Not normal.

I don´t believe prolonged distances are healthy, as excessive time together isn´t also. A couple doesn´t need to be together all the time, i think it´s important to have a bit of time alone, some space but absence definitely does not contribute to strengthen a relationship. A couple needs to share moments together in order to build a relation, to gain trust, know each other, to bond. And if they don´t meet at all, how is it happening?


I think she needs to talk to him, the sooner the better, and explain her worries! Having a relationship requires dedication and he must decide if he´s really interested and willing to make an effort.

 

^yep and yep... thanks ya'll for the input. It actually really helps to vent to strangers. Sometimes people who know you less have unbiased good points to say.

yeah I guess you have a point. Actually this is kinda ironic. My last relationship ended because my ex was there all the time, didn't give me any time to miss him... we went to the same school saw each other every day..and well eventually the feelings weren't even really there anymore. He said I love you every 5 seconds til the point where it just became like any other word.

 

In relationships, it comes to flaws (which it does for everyone no matter what at some point) and I can quickly distinguish between flaws I can live with and things that drive me insane.

The guy that I was talking about was a closet drinker. He'd tell me how much he hated alcohol then I'd find him in a corner chugging vodka that he had put in a water bottle (so he was a pro at hiding it). I couldn't handle that no matter how much he'd say he'd change.

I was in a situation similar to the OP, also a few years back. The guy that I was dating always put me second compared to his drinking buddies, so I said screw him, he's wasting my time. This guy only spent time with me when it was convenient for him. That doesn't fly with me.

I read people very well when I meet them. I can tell if a person is someone I can get along with or not.

 

What if he isn't that guy? And I'd be a little upset if I went months/weeks without talking to a person I'm seeing and I'd assume it was over. There is a very distinguished line between giving space and disappearing.

 

maybe he spends lots of time posting on hip forums...oh shit! Wafflez, is that you?

:leaving:

 

bahahaha wow is ok...

 

seriously, it's hard to tell what is really going on here

the story about being with his family for new year's sounds very much like a lie, unless he's really anti-social

that coupled with the fact that you say that he's good looking and good in bed suggests that he is a player

...but you say that you have mutual friends that would clue you in.

I would say a discussion is in order indeed.

 

i guess hes like those guys when hes around you'll have a great time but he's mostly not around...

 

You're welcome, glad it helped. Now, alcohol is a tricky thing. Not just because it makes you say something you don't necessarily mean(which happens, of course), but also because it can make you say something you actually do mean but in a much more intense fashion, lol. Again, outsiders such as myself can't tell you which one of those was the case with your boyfriend, so yes, talk to him.

Well, it sounds like he still contacts you from time to time, and there's also the physical intimacy factor that, hopefully, you could still view as something that could help you both see yourselves as each other's current intimate companion. You might feel awkward to talk to him about your situation, but maybe he also feels deep down that the discussion needs to take place himself, who knows... Good luck, and remember to be calm and objective while expressing your honest feelings, and listen to what he has to say with patience. Could be challenging, but it's good to remember this stuff, lol.

Ahh, gotcha. Thanks for elaborating.

 

I rarely give relationship advice, especially when we really have but a few facts.
I am going to make an exception here.

My 1st question is how serious do YOU believe this relationship is?
Next-how serious does HE think the relationship is?

Yes he mentioned the L word, but it was only once, so I say take that out of the equation.

If you are trying to build on what you are calling a relationship, he seems to be failing miserably in the building department.

Maybe he is the greatest lover-I'm sure that can sway your feelings, plus the fact he is hot. I'm sure it is nice to be in a relationship with a hot guy who satisfies you in bed.

If there was a real relationship, the above would be great, and make you very proud. From what you have told us, I unfortunately don't see a lasting relationship. Sure everyone needs time, but 1 month and then 2 weeks shortly after that. Hmm

If you are looking for friends with benefits, it sounds like that may work, but I wouldn't set myself up to get my heart broken if I were you.

Best of Luck