Bf wants anal but I don't

I am willing to bet if we women had this urge to stick an anal proby thing in our guy's ass and he didn't want it he would flat out say no and that would be the end of it. Why should women let it happen if they don't like it.
The OP even said she didn't really care for it when she did it, only liked to power sense of it when it was right with the right guy. She told us she doesn't feel this is the right guy to do it with, that doesn't mean at all that she doesn't like her sex with him, it's just one thing she won't like doing with him and you know if you have been with more then one guy, they like us are all different. Not one is the same.

 

I think you are misunderstanding me. Or maybe I didn't explain myself well.

The idea that there's some perfect person who will have everything you want and nothing you don't want is crazy. I simply can't buy into that because it's nonsense.

But you seem to be implying that I'll do anything to make the other person happy. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that because of all of the other things I get out of a relationship. His love, the various things he does for me, the support when I'm going through something touch, etc... I could go into details, but the important thing is that I feel very fulfilled. If there's something I can do to make him feel fulfilled as well. Then I want to do it. I don't actually tell him that I don't love Anal. Partly because I know he'd quit asking if I did and I want him to be able to enjoy it. But to be clear if I really didn't want to do this I'd just tell him and he's a good guy, he'd understand.

My point was that a good relationship involves some give and take. There are a lot of things he does for me that I know he wouldn't do if it weren't for the fact that I want them. When you care about someone you want to do things for them. The idea that a guy should just take you as you are and you shouldn't put out any effort is stupid. I want him to put out effort. And he's changed things about himself, his behavior, and his actions (and yes made himself uncomfortable) for me why wouldn't I want to do the same for him?

The OPs post gave the impression that she just doesn't care. She seems to feel like she maybe should, but doesn't. And that's the issue I see. If she doesn't really care, why's she in the relationship? Even the fact that she told him she'd had anal with another boyfriend (and we know she's done so with even more boyfriends than she admitted to him) seems to imply that she just doesn't really care. If she really cared but didn't want to do anal at all because of discomfort or whatever that would have been a great moment for a white lie. But maybe she's not getting what she wants out of things. I'd guess not.

But at least for me I'd at least want to try and fulfill his desires and if it weren't so bad I'd do it for him. That doesn't make me a pushover. I don't see it as letting a guy walk all over me. I want things in a relationship too and if I weren't getting any of them I'd be wondering why I was in the relationship in the first place.

That said, maybe because of my personality and the pleasure I get out of knowing I've fulfilled my boyfriend's desires does make me some sort of pushover. In that case I guess I don't care.

I can't actually remember my boyfriend ever saying, "Why not give me what I want?" I'm pretty sure he's never said that or any other variation of.

I do remember him saying he'd love to try fucking my ass. And I remember replying something along the lines of sure I'll read up on it a bit and let you know when I feel ready.

We worked up to it and it wasn't awesome for me at all. It wasn't horrible either though, and he was obviously in heaven. And making him feel that way felt awesome. So I can feel a bit uncomfortable occasionally and make him feel awesome or I can deny it to him and save myself a little discomfort. If I'm happy to give it to him how is that wrong? I'm not sure we can see eye to eye on this.

 

To each her own. The OP clearly stated he was a great guy but she had reasons she don't want to do anal with him and koodos to her if she sticks to her guns on it because once she does, if he likes it it will be harder for her to say no further on. He will say but you did it before and we tried it, it didn't make you bleed or find it hard to sit down later so why not tonight? It doesn't have to happen if she doesn't want it to. She might have to find someone else that makes her want to do it or find someone who wouldn't think of it.
Yes I do something's I might not like as much to please my man and I am sure he does too but within reason for what we are willing. Anal is not one of them and we both stand on that. If I wanted it he would flat out say no, he doesn't want his thing in there and he stated that quite clearly when we were at that level of getting to know each other. That's why he works for me and yet there are other things I like he is willing to do and visa versa. We are exploring but we are not out of each other's leagues on this sex thing at all. You hold a threshold of things you can and will do and if willing to expand on that for a guy who you feel is right for it then so beit but you don't have to because he wants it. Let's not convince anyone of that thinking.
OP needs to think hard on this and offer only what she will willingly within her comfort level, as should he.

And on the idea there is no perfect person,,, one needs to hold back till they find one who is damn close to perfect or else it will be a short lived relationship. I don't see why one should settle before they feel absolutely right about the one they want to be with, undress for and probably live with, relationship is about everything, being able to enjoy the other in all aspects of the bond. Unless sex is just sex or you need the financial help maybe. If a woman is financially set she shouldn't take abuse from anyone, she shouldn't take a guy who doesn't make her want him all the way and she should make sure he cares about her as much as she cares for him. That means being compatible. This couple (OP and BF) could be but it sounds like he'd like to push her limits some and they are still new to each other to some point. She needs to lay her issues down and find out his before they go on or it will be a huge headache. We don't need to convince her to do anything else.

 

sounds like you got an issue there because if your FB never tried anal usually his new obsession will only go away once he tried (with you or someone else).

My suggestion is get some good anal lubricant, get a bit drunk and go for it.

PS after trying many anal lubs, my favorite is called EROS bodyglide and it's made in Germany.

Good luck!

 

@Sallysmart Well, maybe I'm reading too much of my own self into her post at that.

 

I've observed some fairly aggressive women out there.

It all starts with, "Oh, baby... please. Come on, pleaseeeeeeeeeee. One time. I'm just asking for one time. Do you love me? This would really make me happy. I will love you forever."

Any sex can do that.

I think it's typical to have a whiny partner that really wants you to do something, sexual or not. It's annoying, I understand that, which can be a factor in whether or not the relationship proceeds. And I probably even understand, if I think about it hard enough, how this is more of a step back for women than it is for men. I can't even imagine the dynamics of this happening in a lesbian relationship. So, I understand or try to, but I also have seen a lot of people do it and when I see them I don't think they're physically and/or emotionally forcing the person to do something in the relationship. I don't think of rape or another form of sexual assault.

That's not the point, though.

I think this thread is turning into a thread where people are telling the OP how to feel and think. Even telling the OP what kind of person they are or aren't. So, I think this topic of conversation should be base on if we were in this situation what would we feel, think, and do. Granted, that is still influencing the OP's final decisions, but I think it's less abrasive.

I feel bad for the OP. Not in the sense of pity. I don't want to degrade anyone like that. But, more my heart goes out to the OP. From my interpretations of the posts, in one hand if you allow him to do it, you're allowing yourself to do something you're uncomfortable with, possibly even get raped and on the other hand, if you don't let him do it you're not giving him a chance, especially considering you have done it and you liked it before. Also, both decisions say something about your character. It's a hard situation to deal with, OP. And I'm sorry if I came off like that. Do remember that my opinions are base on what I feel, think, and how I would behave in this situation. So, whatever you decide is going to be right for you.

 

No issue with it at all because I have never been asked, if I was I would say no, and you say try it,,, ha like some others, if someone doesn't want to they Don't have to, lube or no lube. It's the thought that makes me not want it, not an issue of lube. I don't want something in my ass, play with my ass all you want but no insertion. I am only against it in My ass, you do as you like.

 

(((It all starts with, "Oh, baby... please. Come on, pleaseeeeeeeeeee. One time. I'm just asking for one time. Do you love me? This would really make me happy. I will love you forever.")))

And this right here is what some hear. This would tell me it's not about me for him, it's about what he can make me do by guilt.
Basically the "I will love you forever" is something a partner should listen for, it means without I may not love you forever and that's a bad thing.
I remember trying that kind of crap on my brother and sister to gain something of theirs, Give me your (what ever) and I will do anything for you and the next day we both forgot about that. Or he wants something done and I say it didn't happen. It's a thing kids do but when that's part of a guilt thing in an adult relationship it tells us a lot about how much our partner loves us now,,, none? Some? Not as much as they would if we gave up something, right? Ah, not what I ever want to hear from my man for anything he wants. If he wants something and I can I will give it. Material or physical but if I can't then we move on and I expect no more out of him either.
It's like say he wants a fancy car, am I gonna put a monthly payment on myself because he wants it? Doubt it. If we agreed on one we would both like would I share in payments, you bet. If I had cash standing in the bank and wanted to buy him a car that would be my own choosing. Not from his begging and I have had cars bought for me during both marriages but never did I ask or beg for them. My first hubby bought me one because he thought mine wasn't as safe, he also sold mine to help with the cost. My second hubby didn't like my car then and he wanted something way cooler so he convinced me to sell mine and we agreed on one we would both get pleasure out of so he bought it. Often enough tho I bought my own cars. And I feel sex is similar, we do what works for both.
Butt, let me say this, you buy me an 80,000 dollar car and maybe I'll let you park the bus in my rear garage, but ya gotta get me real high first, so ya, it's gonna cost you a lot more then loving me forever buddy,,, ba,,, hahahahahahaha

 

I've heard it be said by both men and women, not just men. Another "funny" thing about it, is that the man often has this smirk on his face while saying it and the woman often is tugging on the man's shirt or pressing their hands on his chest. So, I get it... I can see how it can be manipulation because the definition of manipulation is to systemically influence someone to feel, think, or behave in a way that is beneficial to the person who is using manipulation.

Where does the line form where manipulation is okay vs. not okay? For me, that form of manipulation, as annoying as it can be, is okay. But, if the OP feels/thinks it's not, that's right too.

 

I am sure it does go both ways, it's scary that some wouldn't know it as manipulation and would fall for it before seeing that it means something seriously wrong in the relationship.
If you really do love someone then it shouldn't be held as a gaining tool, ever! From either side. Anyone hearing this for any gain should question their relationship and check on the maturity and sincerity level of their partner and do what needs to be done. Don't ever fall for that! You fail yourself if you do.

 

When guys have done that to me, the smirk is so creepy. And when I see it done by other girls, if I know them personally, like family, I would look at them and roll my eyes. But, shortly after my initial reaction is followed by a laugh or a smile, then a push. Because I THINK it's harmless. Creepy, sure. But, in a funny way. Therefore, it is harmless, as far as my situation goes. But, it's scary to you or if it's scary to the OP, then yes, it is scary.

I think that form of manipulation is subjective.

 

I'd say it would be scary if one's long lasting love is depending on getting what they want, especially if the one being challenged with it thought long lasting love was already part of the relationship.
I'll love you forever if you do this for me,,, that's kind of saying forever isn't already there and maybe this is just a short term thing on that partner's view that ""Could"" change if certain conditions were met, in this case I'd be very concerned that I would need to come to his terms for many things to be able to hold on to him and that's not me to do such a thing. Once you hear it and fall with it, expect more to come, meaning you will be giving up more as time goes to hold on to him/her. Not what someone who thinks it's a serious relationship already wants to hear from their partner.
I don't get manipulated into sex favours, we like certain things already and discuss other options and even try them if we both agree but there is no head games in my life, I would leave first or in my case, boot his ass out the door.
I said in earlier posts I have had great relationships, some short due to one needing to move (in the military), my X hubby who we fell away from each other, my second hubby who passed away, and One guy who I kicked out of my house. I came home one day and he had built a grow operation in my house while I was out running my store all day. He had it planned.
I was mad, I wanted him out, he pleaded, "let me do this, (for me, so I can make some extra cash for us,,,?)". Yup, I did let him run it for a while then I got my smarts all over me and booted him and his forty plants out the door. I am glad too because if we had been caught I would not be doing what I am now today. My life is great because of what I do and it would not have been allowed if I was nailed for dope. Let him ruin me? Give me a record of crime? Ya I loved him but not that much. I was only a sucker for a couple weeks then I got my shit together and tossed him out. Would he play me for other things too? Maybe some sex things he never told me he liked? Probably because (for a short time) he won that one over me against my better judgement. I was a fool. No one ever tried to push me over before that, or since. Tricky thing is he never let on he was a dope grower or even was into smoking it that much, what else did I not know? Maybe he did other drugs and was gonna try to push them on me, "Come on, just try it once, you'll love it, you and me high and I'll take you through it,,," nothing like letting your guard down for the one you think loves you.
Say No to what ever you Don't want to do, no matter what it is, be yourself and don't worry about trying to please where you are not able or secure to do so. If your parents raised you this way then hold up to it. Don't let love cause you to cave in. It's only worth it if you enjoy it too.

 

Thanks for your thoughts guys

So we've talked about it a lot since I made that post. I've got a little better about talking about sex stuff and what I need, though I still get all blushy sometimes, even talking online :3 lol

I don't like the rape talk on here because that's not what it's about for me. Like obviously I'm not going to let him do it if it's going to make me feel like I'm getting RAPED. I was just feeling really guilty for not wanting it because it's, like, every other guy gets to do the one thing you want to do most in the world, but you can't, you know? But I think I got him to understand why it makes me so uncomfortable. I kind of asked him if I could use a strapon like you said LOL. It's funny if you know me because it's the last thing I'd want to do, but I think it got him to understand what I'm feeling.

The big thing is that we've started getting a new sexual dynamic . I wrote out the whole story but it was all rambly lol, but this past weekend I was teasing him about one of my past sexual encounters, which usually I'm terrified to do because he'll get pouty, but this time he teased back and called me a whore and then forced me onto my knees with my mouth on um him and called me names until he um finished.

We've been red hot since then hehe. It hasn't happened yet, but pretty sure he'll pound my ass before long

 

Thinking OP is a guy. Should have known.

 

I still can't tell if the OP is a male or female. Not that it matters, to me. I just have been referring to the OP has... well, THE OP. So, it's no big deal. At least, we know what the other party is; a guy. Not that, that would matter neither. What am I trying to say here? I think I'm trying to say that this internet thing is hard when making out sexes.

 

Congratulations! :afro:

 

If your boyfriend were a REAL man when you told him you let your other man hit ur ass multiple times, I would have gotten some lotion, pinned u down, and fucked u in the ass right there, whether it hurt or not.

That's the type of dude you need, physically as u said you don't enjoy it you can only enjoy anal when the dude is dominating you and splitting that ass open. You need a man that isn't afraid to break that ass open.

The only way I would have let that ride is if you said you didn't enjoy it with the other dude.

 

I hate to agree with you but if she mentioned it she might have wanted him to either take it or find out that he wouldn't. I still say a guy needs to get the right permission to do anal tho because there are many reasons a woman would say no. Just taking isn't right either but if he had tried and she didn't resist then,,,, could be she said she had so he had something to go on if he would.
Possibly a little head game?