Bi men and aging

The fairy tale just isn't true and as many wind up learning... the hard way. Even I had my belief in it totally shattered to find that my wife was cheating on me and then gave me an ultimatum to open the marriage when I called her out for her cheating... but when you're married you learn to improvise, adapt, and overcome things so that the marriage can continue to work minus the fairy tale bullshit - and that's what we did. No happily ever after crap but we found ways to be and stay happy with each other - until we couldn't.

The big lesson here is that nothing is forever.

 

Contrary to the classic "James Bond" movie title, diamonds are NOT forever (then again, NOTHING is forever, which common sense SHOULD dictate)

If, indeed, there are many "open marriages", then why get married at all, and simply live togetther, with no matrimonial bonds between "spouses"?

This is something I have often wondered about, regardless of the sexuality of those involved.......

 

Too, if a couple agrees to an "open marriage", again, why not just simply live with one another, and eliminate needless complexities.

To my way of thinking, if things eventually do go sour, at least there will be no messy, grossly-expensive divorce procedures to have to deal with.

And, we must include gay/male couples (or a gay/bi male couple) and think of their options, views, etc.

Just my thoughts................

 

Aint that the truth?

 

That's because unmarried couples are held to the same standards of monogamy as married couples are - did you not know this? Go get yourself a boyfriend and tell him that you want to be with him - but you want to sleep with women from time to time and find out what he's gonna say and do... and it's not going to be, "Okay, baby, whatever makes you happy!" He's going to dump you faster than white on rice, might even give you grief because you're not as gay as he expected you to be and all other kinds of messy. You might not have to go through a divorce, but things can get just as messy.

Some unmarried couples are or can be quite enlightened and sees the sense in opening the relationship but, um, yeah, they're still more of a minority than anything else. We do not live in an ideal world.

 

I totally agree with you; we indeed DO NOT live an ideal world, for certain.

I think when you get right down to "basics", it all boils down to:

Being yourself (and not giving a damn what others think)

Knowing WHAT you WANT, and weighing the pros and cons accordingly.

Thinking far beyond the short term; meaning, thinking about your sexual/emotional needs and desires, in the years to come.

Using maturity, common sense and "gut feelings" in situations that could indeed be "sensitive"

As difficult, unfair, and challenging it can often be for a gay man in a largely straight society, I feel that bisexual men (especially those who are married) are faced with even more challeges and roadblocks, as they need and desire sex from both MEN and WOMEN.

Emotional pitfalls, I am sure, are not at all in short supply, from the many accounts I've read here (and elsewhere)......................

 

It's really not that challenging; we just tend to make it harder than it has to be when trying to get some dick and so many of us are highly successful (like yours truly); you just gotta learn how to play "The Game" so that you can get the sex you need when you need it and from willing to give it to you. The challenges are to there to be accepted and conquered; the roadblocks navigated so that the way is clear and, yes, using the good sense God gave you to avoid the many clusterfucks one can encounter. If you believe in society's polite approach to getting laid, um, how's that been working for you? Like, I don't play fair and I don't play by the so-called rules and I do not believe that you need to be in a relationship in order to have sex even though it can be rather nice but so confining and restrictive due to the rules of monogamy, women reclaiming their rights to their own bodies which means not letting us use it for sex if they don't want to and you learn to be opportunistic; you wind up being both hunter and prey since I know that I'm not the only person who isn't restrained by morality's prudish rules and, yeah, you haven't lived until you've been hunted by a woman and she lays it on you big time because her needs demands it.

You also learn to not let your emotions run you or to make critical decisions for you. You do not let your fears make you foolish. You remain true to yourself and no matter what.

You see, homosexuals have been put down for so long that y'all think and believe that even today, you can't catch a good break when, really, no one gives a fuck that you're gay except you and those you might want to relate with. Y'all have been victimized over all this time that you still act like victims, and you might not know that you are and, yeah, when you go around acting like a victim, you draw a lot of unwanted attention. You're one of them? One of those whiners and complainers that you're being shat upon at every turn when, again, our society as an entity, doesn't give a fuck and will ignore you... until you start acting like a squeaky wheel and prove that oil isn't good enough for you - and now you might get replaced and thrown away and in favor of a wheel that doesn't squeak.

You, just like everyone else, have to play the cards you're dealt and if you can improve your hand, great but if you get a shitty hand, you make the best of it that you can and wait for the next hand to be dealt. And you keep playing until you draw your last breath. And that goes for anyone and regardless to their sexuality.

 

To say, as a senior, masculine gay man, I can tell you that the last thing I want is to attract any sort of negative attention to myself.

I live quietly, unobtrusively, and live by my OWN rules.

I long ago learned that the smart thing is to "accept your lot" in life, and just take it one day at a time.

So, my life lacks any sort of sex, ditto any sort of social life.

WHO's LIFE is PERFECT?

NO ONE'S!

When I see what crazy shit goes on in the world today, I know I would be like a dime-store goldfish in a shark tank.

I'm mature enough and honest enough to admit my shortcomings, but focus on my strong points.

I certainly don't sit around all day and moan the fact that I'm gay, and how unfair it all is.

I focus instead on my hobbies and interests, and thus keep a positive outlook on each new day.

And, WHEN I do get horny, well, there is always "Peter Palm and his five buddies"!

I certainly did not ask to be gay, but I sure as hell am not going to sit around and waste my time lamenting over what IS and what ISN'T.

There is a solid, formidable "foundation", if you will, that stems from living your life by your OWN set rules, and being your OWN man, and to hell with the naysayers....................

 

When you're an aging bi guy, one of the questions to ask and answer for yourself is are you comfortable with being bisexual? Have you figured out what it means to you? How it's changed your life? Are you immune to the dumb shit that makes other guys cower in their closets? Do you know who you are as a person? If you're sexually active, have you expanded your sexual horizons?

And, importantly, do you know that it ain't over until it's really over?

 

Being gay my entire life, at age that age of 67, I sure don't dwell on my sexuality, and, in fact, only think about it when I'm horny(!!)

It's WHO I am and WHAT I am that matters, and it does not go much beyond that.

I look at myself as a MAN first, and a GAY man, second.

I long ago accepted the fact that there are far too many hate-spewing assholes out there, and I simply ignore that toxic, ignorant venom they spew.

I might mutter "hypocritical asshole" under my breath, and just go on with my life.

Life is too short to let ignorance take away from the man you are...................

 

Thought:

Ever wonder if some "straight" bigots are so vehemently opposed to m/m sex is because, in truth, they, themselves, harbor same-sex fantasies and desires, but will not.......or cannot......"come out", and "pointing the finger" at "guilty parties" takes the heat off of them, so that NO ONE would suspect straight-laced, happily married "Mr. Doe", in reality, also craves cock and ass?

 

........and, of course, you've heard the old saying, "street angel, house devil"?

Though, of course, NOT a given, but we ALL know that there are LOT of "straight" guys who let the world know how anti-gay they are, BUT.......what dark, deviant demons lurk in their souls, that would indeed incriminate them if others knew?

 

I've known guys who, publicly, are anti-gay. Privately, they're cocksuckers, sometimes a bottom or a top because they'll tell you that what they're doing isn't gay so that means that he's not gay. And the truth is that he might be bisexual or a "straight" guy who understands that good sex is where you find it and who you can find it with. It's made me wonder they really do hate gays or they're just faking the funk to cover up the fact that they're going to sucking some guy's dick in a few minutes.

I've listened to their rhetoric - tired, old, played-out - and when the crowd has dispersed, he's asking me if he can blow me or asking me if I know someone with a huge dick who could fuck him today - and while I think about who I might know, he's sucking my dick seriously good.

A real issue with gays... or faking the funk?

 

As I had said awhile back, "sex is sex", PERIOD....it's WHEREVER you find it, and it does not need to be labeled.

Many a sexually-frustrated "straight" guy who wants to bust a nut in the worst way, and he's not had any pussy for quite awhile, often won't think twice about letting another guy blow him because HE is NOT the COCKSUCKER, so, that translates in his mind as "not gay".

Now, to this guy's way of thinking, what just transpired WOULD have been GAY, had HE been doing the sucking.

Hell, it's all SEX, pure and simple; and all about getting your rocks off, whether you're jacking your hard rod, or getting laid with someone (gender not important)

Too much is made complicated when, in fact, it can all be quite simple................

 

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that lame-assed mantra, my fleet of Lamborghinis would grow even larger! It made me incredulous to hear guys telling this bald-faced lie and even more so to see how many guys actually believed it! But as a bisexual, I would fuck with their head and point out that, sure, I suck cock and swallow cum... but I'm not gay so how do you explain what you just said? I would never make them do anything they didn't want to do but by the time I started blowing them, they'd be blowing me - and like it really wasn't their first time and, yes, cum was swallowed and, how about that?

It didn't make them instantly gay. Sucking cock wasn't that bad and they should have done it before now. Oh, and if you're bi and aging, you know better than to tell this lie or believing it when some dude lets it slip from his lips...

 

"Getting your rocks" means just that; it does not matter whether you're jacking, sucking off a guy, fucking a guy, fucking a woman, taking it up the butt.........it is simply SEX!

Neither your cock or your balls cares WHAT method you are utilizing to blow your load!

Even the term "bisexual" could be replaced with a new terminology, one that basically says: "I just like SEX......PERIOD, and I don;t care WHO I am screwing, or who is screwing ME!"

Why is a label needed at all, when you could just say, "Fuck, I just like sex with ANYONE, as long as it's consensual and they are of legal age......and I don't care HOW I get get my rocks off!"

Sexual lust is (IMHO) indeed a deep-rooted primal urge, raw and primitive, perhaps our strongest link with Neanderthals and Cro-Magnons............

 

First statement: True

Second statement: True, as long as your eyes don't show you something that gets your mind involved, like watching a guy sucking your dick when you know guys aren't supposed to do that and you shouldn't allow it.

Third statement: No, because this is confusing enough as it is with people making their own definitions and inaccurately so.

Fourth statement: Because we need to call a thing a thing; otherwise, we couldn't interact or function in the world around us - and we would have no concept of what a world was

Fifth statement: True; it is hard coded into us, but prudish social conditioning seeks to break the code so that we are only interested in sex when it's time to procreate and... that's all.

There is no point in trying to oversimplify the whole thing; we have fucked this up enough as it is, and we've fucked this up so much that it cannot be un-fucked. I tell people all of the time that I prefer sex; what that doesn't say is what, who, or how - but when I'm talking to bisexuals, they know what I mean; maybe a gay person might know what I mean if they know I'm bisexual and straight folks, well, the inference gets lost on them because preferring to have sex is what we all prefer... except those of us who don't.

The labels have nothing to do with being of legal age and consensual; those are social constructs that we created to abolish certain behaviors that we exhibited and were frowned upon, like how some cultures say it's perfectly fine for a 50-year-old man to take a 10-year-old girl as a bride, not because he's a pedophile but because she's going to stay fertile longer than someone who is, in modern terms, at least 18 years old and can now have a say in things when, back then, the ten-year-old had no choice or say in the matter. The truth we turn a blind eye to is that we can have sex with anyone we want to as long as we don't break any modern-day laws and the uglier truth that says it's only illegal if you get caught so, yeah, you'd be smart to care about how you get your rocks off and who you do it with.

You cannot make blanket statements like this and I'm not going to try to baffle you with nonsensical psychobabble because if you're someone who doesn't know why things work the way they do, maybe it's time to go back to school and learn this. This is where I say that what we need to get rid of is all the misconceptions and other crap that has only served to muddy the waters so badly that we cannot see where we're going or what's around us, let alone what might be in front of us.

 

Another excellent, well-thought, concise, and well-written post, for certain.

It never ceases to amaze me, though, even though we live in the "advanced thinking" 21st century, that so much totally baseless, holier-than-thou Puritanical brainwashing still manages to inflict damage to so many minds today.

For as far-reaching as our "insight" often goes today, with unlimited horizons, we indeed still are "blind", in so many ways.........................

 

It's what we're made to believe until we learn the truth and we live in a world that doesn't want to accept certain truths. It's always one thing to know about bi- and homosexuals and forming opinions about them but it's a whole different thing when it's you who isn't heterosexual now; it's confusing, the reality conflicts with what we're told to believe and while a lot of people adjust and run with it, many cannot - and we don't have the kind and level of mental health professionals that can deal with the shock and awe of finding out that you're not straight.

You get to be my age and you wind up learning the truth one way or the other; you've either lived it or you prove "smart enough" to see through the lies and other bullshit to understand that when it comes to sexuality, people are going to be whatever they're going to be and as long as it suits their purposes in life.