Bi men and aging

Being a totally celibate (for 66 years) gay bachelor, with not even the slightest chance of meeting another man as a best buddy/life-partner, all I can say is that, I truly believe that gay males who DO have faithful life-partners are far more blessed and fortunate than they realize.

Loneliness is NEVER pleasant, and, for a senior "lone wolf" gay bachelor like myself, it is far from a pleasant thought to know I must age alone and never know true companionship for as long as I walk this earth.

I long ago accepted this, and simply live day-to-day, and derive my pleasures from my many hobbies.

Oh, well......at least I can be happy for other men of my persuasion, who are fortunate enough to have a loving, trusting partner, a partner for both intimacy and deep friendship...............

 

........one cannot help but wonder at the hurdles same-sex senior male couples must face, when moving into a senior community (or assisted living facility)....................I am sure it cannot be easy, and I'm certain there would also be issues with discrimination and, possibly, even harrassment......

 

It astounds me that more legislation has to happen in order for people to get medical care. Medical care for everyone and not just seniors who delve into same sex relations. Yet here in the US we had legislation passed nationally to insure medical care for all. What has happened to that? Has it failed?

 

....that, in certain areas, people can be denied basic medical care and decent, humane, treatment, simply because of their sexual orientation, is both sad and infuriating.

Think, also, of gay (and bisexual) men facing prison, torture, and even death in certain areas of the world, simply because of who they area.

Sobering........and frightening.............May God be with us all in 2024.....

 

Your certainly right about that. It could be frightening when you leave this country. Can be bad enough at home.

 

I've only been out of this country three times, and that was only to Canada (the last trip in 1979)

Between increasing hostilities towards gays in so many parts of the world, plus civil and political unrest, terrorism, and disease, I am MORE than happy to simply stay here at home.

You are quite right; things are bad enough here at home, for sure.

I am more than happy to "travel" via photos, books, and movies.....it is a LOT safer (not to mention a lot CHEAPER!) than actually traveling.

Look at what gay/bi men are up against in certain parts of our own country nowadays, namely Florida and, of course, the "Bible Belt".

We live in very hostile and uncertain times, for certain.............

 

I agree, you only have to look down your street for bias. Unfortunately, I don't see things getting better any time soon.

 

I am in total agreement with you.

Bigotry and bias can, quite literally, be right next door; there is hostility and bigotry enough here at home, without having to travel abroad and encounter even greater hostilities.

It never ceases to amaze me how one's sexuality can be the cause of so much hatred and intolerance.

We always hear so much about "brotherhood"; I, for one, have not seen too much of it in our society, as of late.

Whatever happened to "treat others as you yourself wish to be treated"??

Same thing with the Bible quote: "Judge not, lest ye be judged"........................

 

Your exactly right.

 

At times like this, I only wish I were WRONG..................

 

The following is (sadly) a true story............

Several years ago, I became close "phone friends" with a (gay) gentleman in his late 80's from Florida (we "met"on the internet on a discussion board)

His partner of 45 years passed away a few years before we "met"; here was a man who was (like myself) as far removed from any demeaning gay stereotype as you could get.

He could no longer drive, and used a walker, which he destested.

He lived in a townhouse development, and, without any warning, began being harassed by a group of young punks; he began to feel threatened, and reported them to the management.

Big surprise, they were very nonchalant about the whole matter.

He then moved to an assisted living facility; within a few months, he had to move again, due to harassment (again, those in charge were very lax in trying to rectify the situation)

So, at age 91, he had to moved again.

This place was more "friendly", and he dis feel a bit more comfortable.

He had been as sharp as a tack; a funny, entertaining, man with a warm heart.

Sadly, just as he was preparing to movie back north to the Philly area (to live with a nephew and his family) he went downhill fast, suffering from dementia and pneumonia.

I still miss this old friend of mine today.

How sad that, even a gay man of advanced years, is not immune to mindless bigotry.......

 

.......it was bad enough when Sam (my late friend whom I discussed in my previous post) had to give up his car, and, with it,his freedom, but, as he began to be harassed and bullied by ignorant, insensitive young punks, he certainlyhad no way of defending himself, while using a walker.

Too, prior to his moving out of his townhouse, and into an assisted living facility, the several male friends he did simply dropped him like a hot potato; according to Sam, these "good friends" were now afraid that he would begin to call upon them for shopping, trips to the doctor, etc.

They, obviously (and sadly) did not want to be "burdened" by helping to care for a VERY elderly gentleman, who, clearly, had no one else to turn to.

I would call him at least twice daily; we had several mutual interests that we enjoyed discussing at length, and I loved telling him jokes and humorous stories to cheer him up.

Once, he told me: "You have taught me what a TRUE friend really is."

To say I was humbled hearing these words is, indeed, an understatement.

Today, several years later, I still think of what this frail old man had to endure, the last years of his life.

Trust me, this wonderful old gentleman deserved FAR better...............

 

So sad. At least he had you in those trying years. I do think, sometimes we run across a person who even with distance between us, can become the true meaning of a friend. Especially, meeting someone in a forum or other chat venues. We can let our guard down, so to speak, thus revealing our true selves. The self even our closest family or friends know not of...

 

So true. I have friends I have sex with that none of my family or other friends know about. It could be said I lead a double life, no a triple life at times. A reality life around family. A reality life with my sex friends. A virtual life on social media.

At my age I lose friends and family due to death lessening the people who are around me. With media such as this I can express my feelings while remaining incognito, my third life. On line friends do not know me. And when I die they will not know I have passed nor give it a second thought when I post no longer. It's not much different than the nursing home scenario whether one is straight, bisexual, or gay. We all pass this life at some point and are soon forgotten.

 

I agree totally.

 

Fellows:

I truly appreciate your views and thoughts on this; when my friend Sam and I were talking on the phone one day (discussing this very topic) I asked him if, at the onset of all the harassment,if he had thought of reporting the incidents to the police.

To be honest, I was not at all surprised by his response: "No."

It was not surprised (sadly) when he told me that he was afraid to try to press charges against the lowlifes who had been harassing him, being that he was gay (he was not at all sure how the local PD would treat him (or the incidents)

Now,how SAD is this?

Whatever happened to "justice for all"?

When an elderly man is being harassed and abused, simply because he is gay, and feeling there is no "safe port" for him to take refuge in, I think it reflects quite unfavorably to our society as a whole.

Regarding our "short stay" on this planet.............

I am 66, and am the last surviving member of my immediate family.

I have outlived both brothers and both of my parents (I was Mom's caregiver for many years before she passed away at age 99, back in 2016)

She, indeed, was my guardian angel.

Outside of two long-distance "phone friends", I have no friends at all, near or far.

My best friend from work (who was married and straight) was like another brother to me; when he passed away in 2013, I was devastated; we had a lot of great, fun times together.

It is indeed sobering how "life goes on", even after someone close to us passes.

Being that our time on Earth is, indeed, truly a short stay, I think it most important to at least TRY to treat others with the same respect and dignity that we, ourselves, wish to be treated...............