Bi men and aging

........I often wonder, regarding mature m/m/f bi relationships, IF the bi men regard each others as "life partners", as deeply emotionally involved with as each other as they are with their female spouses, do they look at each other as being their "second spouse", as it were?

Just curious............

 

Of necessity they were friends, no emotional ties. We helped each other out. He was divorced because his cock was short and so his whole sex life was sucking cocks, and I so needed that. It was a friend's with lust, having fun. He wanted to suck cocks, and I gave him mine as much as I could.
A gay friend I visited, we sucked each other off a lot. We were always at each other's cock. Friends who sucked each other's cock, basically.

 

Interesting question. I know that in my very loving relationship with a gay man who saw himself as "one of the girls," I never looked at him as a second spouse although, I suppose and in retrospect, he probably was a second spouse. Maybe the guys who are deep into the romantic aspects of bisexuality could see their FWB in such a light but we're talking polyamory here with your question and not a married guy who's emotionally attached to his male lover since, conventionally speaking, the two of them wouldn't likely be involved with the wife - and a wife who probably doesn't know that her husband has a male lover or she does know and doesn't give a fuck that he has a male lover.

Very different thing being an FWB versus being under the auspices of a spouse, I think.

 

I enjoy your posts KDaddy. I think they may help guys work stuff out, about themselves and their sexuality. I think I'm a bit like FriendlyCock. I'm straight but I wouldn't turn a guy away just because he wanted to suck my cock. Other factors may cause me to reject him. And if he sucks me, I would probably return the favour. Friends who suck. Not fwb and only about the cock, not the person or personality.

 

Yes it was all about our cocks. Apart from that we were two friends. We enjoyed each other's cock in many ways, then have a beer together.

 

If i were to introduce the subject of cock-sucking with my male friends, they would treat me differently if they even remained friends. Most, I think, would end our friendship. I know those not to be true friends though because friends work through stuff/challenges.
I wish my male friends were like female friends, with whom I will discuss anything.

 

If your male friends ceased being friends with you because of m/m sucking, well, then, they really WEREN'T your friends to begin with.........("fair weather friends", for certain)

Too many guys these days have this asinine "Johnny Macho" attitude about m/m friendships; for guys like this, "friendship" with another guy is mostly nothing but having a beer together, going to a strip club, or watching football together.

Damn shame that so many guys (especially straight guys) are so damn afraid of relinquishing their masculinity just because they are emotionally close to a male friend, and "open up" to each other during rough times.

What crap!

This has always been a VERY sore point with me; just because you are a MAN (regardless of orientation) does NOT mean you cannot be emotionally open with a male friend, a REAL man (IMHO) is NOT afraid to show SENSITIVITY towards ANYONE (including other males)

All "PUB" to me ("Pure Unadulterated Bullshit").................

 

If a guy wanted to blow me, I'd have to think hard for a reason to say no because I'm more inclined to believe that these days, cocksucking is both a sexuality thing and a sexual thing. A lot of us here come from a time where the only cocksucking males known to the world were the homosexual ones but, oh, wait - bisexual men have been around just as long if not longer, haven't they? Jump ahead a whole lot of years and we have straight guys who are cocksuckers (and butt fuckers) who maintain that they're straight and either they're telling a weird kind of truth or they're really bisexual and not of a mind to admit it but I understand that in their minds, it's just sex and... that actually makes a lot of sense because at the root of it, um, it's sex. So, you don't have to say that you're bi or gay but it's as I've been saying for a while: You just have to want to do it and if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I grew up having sex with guys just because we were friends; they wanted to, I wanted to, girls were too weird about having sex with us and with raging hormones, well, something had to be done that wasn't jerking off (and getting yelled at for doing that). You knew who'd want to do something; you knew who might want to if you caught them at the right time and place; you knew who to not even ask about this because it would trigger their flight or fight instinct... and no one wanted to explain why you left the house nice, neat, and clean and you're coming back in looking like you got run over by the proverbial Mack truck, blackened eyes, bloody nose, busted lip, scrapes and cuts and... yeah, let's not and say we did on this one and in the meantime, let's find a nice place to have sex with each other, okay?

Guys today seem to think that you need some kind of relationship and/or being all emo with each other in order to be lovers when that's never been the case - and even among gay men; you just have to want to and if it's good to ya, sure - let's get together and do it again if you don't mind all that much. It's just sex; it's very damned convenient when compared to trying to get a girl, girlfriend, or even a wife to give you a blowjob or they get all weird and freaked out if you asked them to finger fuck your ass, whatever's floating your boat at the moment but... there's always that one guy who, if you can find him, will give anything to suck you off or to give your hole the good reaming out that you need and... it's still just sex.

If the guy is in any way okay with you, um, why the hell not? Is it purely a sexuality thing? I no longer think it is and more so when I had, on two occasions in my life, lesbians sucking my dick, letting me eat them, and burying my bone in them and, as everyone knows, lesbians only like women like that... right? Two guys throwing down in a 69 is only "gay" because it's something that gay men have been known to do - but you don't have to be gay or bi to get into a 69 - you just have to want to. Personality checks and other such things are nice but not really a hard requirement as long as your version of common sense is working and you don't do what a lot of guys tend to do: Overthink and overly complicate the whole thing.

 

A clue I got from the old cock sucker. Have two groups of friends who knows nothing of the activities of the other group. A social group where they have no idea you suck cocks, or whatever you're into, and a sex partners group who aren't social friends. They visit you in private and while everyone is friendly, it's all about cock, sex, or whatever you do.

 

One of the things I like to say - and because I find it to be true - is that if you think women are funny about having sex, men are even funnier about it and to the point where it makes women look easy to have sex with... and that's never really been the truth and as those of us who chase skirts know all too well. See, it's not your problem if you suck a friend's dick and now, he's feeling some kind of way about it, and he decides that the two of you can no longer be friends. This isn't really about someone being a true friend but how guys tend to process and justify doing something that they knew, going into it, they had no business doing - like letting you suck them off. Or they needed to fuck and you said, "Stick it in me and fuck me silly!" and that's what he did. It doesn't really matter if the guy was curious or just plain horny and... it sounded like a good idea at the time and, indeed, it felt even better than he could have imagined and now he's having an "Oh, shit..." moment because he knew that (a) he shouldn't have let you suck him off, (b) he wasn't supposed to like a guy sucking his dick, let alone the guy sucking him to completion and (c) does that mean he's gay and all that other bullshit guys tend to think about when the reality of what they did rises up and bitch-slaps the fuck out of them.

Or, as I told a guy in a similar moment, "You didn't say that when you were happily fucking my mouth, did you?" No, he sure as fuck didn't and I didn't need to point out to him that he didn't say anything when he was sucking my dick or when I told him to stop because I was going to cum - and he not only kept going but swallowed my cum. But now, all after the fact, you wanna be all weird about it and now we can no longer be friends? That's the fucked-up part but, okay, do what you gotta do because even if my now former friend knows it or not, there will always been another guy and he's not going to be all weird about us having sex and it's just a damned shame that you can't handle it.

I've lost a lot of friends over (a) wanting to have sex with them and/or (b) having sex with them and having to deal with... some dissonance because while we were doing whatever, it was all good but now? Our friendship is over and not really because of anything I did but because you couldn't handle this other way to have sex. It used to piss me off to no end, but I had to realize that just because I quickly adjusted to the whole guys having sex with guys thing does not ever mean that all guys are going to adjust easily... or they just can't. And if we can no longer be friends because you can't deal with what we did? That's the fucked-up part... but I understand - and I really do.

 

And before I forget, guys having that change of mind and wanting to end a friendship over a blowjob is exactly why I'll ask a guy, "Are you sure that you want to do this?" and then I'll even tell them why they shouldn't; it's also why I'll tell them that if they find that they're having a problem after we do whatever we do, call or come find me so we can talk about it. Even with us old dudes, there's always that chance that a friend can get it into their head that doing something - and because it's just sex - is a great idea, only to have a bad freak-out moment after nuts have been busted. You'd think that an older guy, say, in his mid-60s, would be able to mitigate and deal with his feelings over what he did and that's not always the case and... it's still not your fault if he can't wrap his head around it... but I wouldn't leave him to deal with this on his own.

 

Thats why the old cock sucker bypassed all the complications, having a group of cock sucking friends and another who had no idea. He died, and the social friends found he had a trophy wall covered in polaroid photos of every stiff cock that he'd sucked, who'd let him take their cock pic. That would have been funny to see the reaction. Mine was there. All anonymous

 

I think I get what you're saying.
I do talk with a couple of close friends about men things such as prostate and ED stuff. Sometimes indirectly so we're not talking specifically about them or me. So I may say I was chatting to a friend who had just had his prostate checked and...more stuff...

They'll chat openly - we are close friends for 20-odd yrs. However if I mentioned the idea of sucking cock or wanking, they'd likely shut down the conversation or change the subject. They're not homophobic. I just think the friendship would become very different.

I do know one bi guy but he's so indiscreet that he leaks like a sieve. So I daren't mention to him.

 

It's not that they weren't really your friend; some guys are just very leery to even mention the topic, let alone entertain taking the baby step of getting his dick sucked by a guy - and a guy he thought he knew. I've had friends who, when we talked, things got seriously personal and that's one thing but even when "homosexual things" come up in a general conversation, oops - time to change the channel! And even if, secretly, he's been wondering what it's like to suck cock and if he wanted to find out, he'd rather it not be you since he "knows for a fact" that it'll ruin your friendship and... guys can make this whole thing very messy.

In this situation, sure - we say, "Well, he wasn't really my friend..." when, in fact, he was but now this came up and it's a major difference of opinion The friendship just isn't strong enough to handle us having sex which, from my position, that's a damned shame because you'd never have to ask your wife for a blowjob ever again but I respect that you can't see this the way I see it. Sure, it'll change the friendship - how could it not? And if this ends our friendship, well, that's a shame but I told you truthfully what's been on my mind and, well, okay, I understand it. Take care. If you need me, you know where to find me...

 

For sure. Close friends who aren't into it are a closed book. Funny, but sometimes they're secretly wanting to explore but cultural norms as they are perceived, has guys clam up at the mention of getting off. Oh that the world were different. It was different as a kid, I pulled with friends but age saw that stop

 

My message to bi guys is that this ain't rocket science; it's not really that difficult to understand and not really that hard to do provided that we (a) don't overthink any of this and (b) don't make this harder than it already is - and making it harder than society has been doing all along. Simplicity works and you can either keep believing the hype and giving the negative shit a lot of weight or... you can find out for yourself what the deal really is and how it's going to specifically work for you. Importantly, do not ever lie to yourself about this. Use common sense. Don't let someone else's fears become your fears - and whatever fears you have, squash them because they will control you and guess what you won't be doing when fear is in control of you?

I try to write about the things I have experienced in my life and the things I've learned about being bisexual and then keep it all real...

 

You might be surprised at how many react positively. Most straight men want to maintain their aura of masculinity but faced with an offer to have their cocks sucked by another guy will seriously consider it, weighing up the benefits against the perceived loss of masculinity.

 

Guys have been mindfucked into believing that if they're straight and they let another guy suck their dick, they'll no longer be as masculine as they are. It's nonsense, of course, but I know that when dealing with a "straight" friend and we get to the loss of masculinity, I always ask them, "Do I look any less masculine? Am I acting any less masculine? Do we have to have a wrestling match as a test of our respective masculinity?"

No real offense to effeminate gay men but y'all didn't do us any favors because the straight guy considering a blowjob is thinking that it'll make him effeminate...

 

As a totally straight-acting, straight-talking gay man, effeminate-acting gay men make me cringe and squirm with inner embarrasment.

With so much of this "up-in-your-face" flamboyance exhibited at pride events, is it any wonder WHY so many "straight" guys are so terrified of ANY sort of sex with another male, fearing that a m/m encounter will turn them into a "screaming fag"?

These gays, sadly, think being called "faggot" and "queer" is atkin to a coveted status synbol.

NOT for me.

And, to these "straight" guys who think that most gays are "queer" acting, I'd love to see their reaction to watching a gay porn flick where big, hairy, super-macho daddy-bear and military-types are all going down on another guy's hard shaft, or getting their hairy butts plowed, and LOVING it.

In short, just because a given man is a homosexual, does NOT mean he has to relinquish his masculinity......I never did, and, thankfully, never will...........