Bi men and aging

I've visited the theatre at club X twice with a friend to suck each others cock in a private venue. He's straight acting bi, so am I but I only suck. There were several men there, all looked straight acting and the movie was mostly hetero. They pulled and sucked in groups, then many paired off and went up each other's ass. I watched and heard the delighted satisfaction of a couple of them, as they leaned on something and got a cock up their asses. They all looked straight ordinary guys to me. It was a bit confronting to see a guy not two metres away bend over and take one up his ass, with sounds of pleasure, like he'd been getting it for years.

 

Those of us who grew up in the 50s and 60s would not think that being called a faggot or queer is a good thing - and that includes gay guys from that era. As you well know, the smear campaign against homosexuality was stupidly alive and well back then and bible thumping Moral Majority was losing their minds denouncing and vilifying homosexual acts and many a young and horny guy was made to be scared shitless to even think about a guy sucking his cock or some other "perverted" sexual act that might turn him into a flaming fag... but at the same time, having the thought in their mind that there must be something to guys having sex with each other since there are, apparently, so many guys doing it.

We've kept perpetrating the taboo and pitching a bitch about homosexuality and that inaccurate bullshit about being less of a man is still making the rounds... and 60 years after I first heard it and I am both amazed and appalled that we, collectively, have not figured out that having sex with a man doesn't make you less of a man... but what you think of yourself might do that and that famous quote, "I think, therefore, I am..." very much comes into play. I understand homosexuals wanting to "put themselves on display" and being proud of themselves for being brave enough to be out in public and being flamboyantly gay but the problem comes when homosexuals are all up in your face about being homosexual and all the shit about all homosexuals being evil and less than manly goes mainstream again and ramps up their fears, makes them believe in the stereotypes and misconceptions and continues to perpetuate the mindless stupidity around sexuality.

Women and gay men - and despite what they might think - do not own cocksucking because, duh, you don't have to be female or gay to suck cock and, duh, females and gay men aren't the only ones who can be into taking a hard one in the ass and, really, it's not like we don't know this because we do... but we continue to foolishly keep believing perception over truth.

 

Back in the days when a single (a 45) was a thing; I recall the single, 'Relax', by Frankie Goes To Hollywood, being banned by The BBC.
What did Many thousands more teenagers do?
They bought it, which meant it was #1 for several weeks. Had those who are anti-gay been a bit more wise, mature, intelligent, they would have known that such actions will only drive up consumption fo that which they want to suppress.

It's a methaphor for life generally.

So, today, as @KDaddy23 says:

If they really want it to go away, they'll ignore it.
In doing so, they will gradually make it something less that fewer will feel the need to explore.
Indeed, it is their own actions that have developed the matter into something bigger than it otherwise would have been, fulfilling their own 'prophecy of doom', perhaps.

My own view of guys who explore....Just do it. Learn in life and from life, as much as you can. Drinking a rum and coke doesn't mean I am an alcoholic. ( I actually typed rum and cock lol).
Sucking cock wouldn't mean I am gay.
It sees to me that some people just can't comprehend intellect and the thirst for learning/knowledge.

I wish I had been more keen to explore back in my younger days but in my defence, I was learning so much from women both verbally and physically, I hadn't time to think about cock.

Now that I do and that I know I love to watch guys wanking, I may explore now if/when I find a suitable guy with a lovely attractive cock. (His) wife optional though preferable

 

The thing that really opens a guy's eyes and mind is when they take that first plunge and realize that... nothing changed about them other than busting a nut (and probably the biggest one of their life). Some guys see through the negative rhetoric and insist that, yes, there must be something to it; otherwise, gay men wouldn't exist. Simple logic but kinda on point and enough to break the social conditioning so they can take the plunge and... why didn't I do this before now?

Well, you didn't because of too many external influences that demanded that you didn't do it before now. I do not know how many older guys I've heard (or saw) say that they wish that they had been of a mind to explore when they were younger and they didn't because of females, religious beliefs, stuff like that. As someone who started young, I quickly got disabused of almost all of the stuff that makes other guys not explore until way later in life and it becomes quite apparent that the crap we're told about not having sex with guys is... bullshit because if those bible toting folks were right, um, why does homosexuality in any form exist in the first place?

There is so much that goes into this that has nothing to do with having sex...

 

KDaddy23:

It's just as we have long touted here:

As long it involves individuals of LEGAL age and is CONSEXUAL, SEX is simply just that.....SEX!!

The gender of those involved are secondary......it's just "busting a nut" and seeking a highly erotic sexual "high"........perhaps the thought of two men having sex together (being regarded by so many as "taboo") makes the "forbiddeb fruit" taste all the better..........

 

The problem is that most of our society doesn't know this. Religion prohibits anything homosexual; age of consent laws says that if you're old enough, you can get your rocks off any way you want to; we have always maintained that what goes on behind our closed doors is nobody's fucking business! We just want to keep our heads buried in the sand and keep believing that the religious prohibition is a true representation of human nature and human sexuality.

It isn't. It never was. It's an ideal that we've all been mindfucked into believing it's really the gospel truth of things... when, clearly, it's not and never has been so I ask you: Which thing is actually the truth and the way it can be?

It also kinda begs the question of whether or not you have to be in your 60s before you figure out that you've been lied to and you've missed out on some damed good sexual experiences!

 

KDaddy23:

Right on!

I concur 100%!

Between the falsehoods so blatlantly voiced by the religious "brigade", who twist the Bible around to suit their own bigoted agendas, and the bullshit generated by society in general, it really turns it all into a clusterfuck.

TOTALLY agree that what goes on behind YOUR closed doors is NOBODY'S business but your OWN.

Likewise, what goes on behind someone else's closed doors is NONE of OUR concern.

So much goddamn ignorance we have to fight............

 

In fundamental agreement I would express it differently.

What goes on in someone's life is no concern of others and, equally, what goes on in others life is no concern of anyone else. That applies in relation to sex, abortion, polyamory and all other aspects of life, imv.

I would also suggest that it's not just ignorance. Lacking in knowlege (ignorance), applies to us all in various context and subject matters.

It's the wilful subjection or attempted subjection of opinion, by the ignorant, on others who hold different views is that which we should all push back against.

Anyone can choose to follow whichever 'dictat' they choose whether that's the Christian bible or other such thing. They cannot be allowed to foist their opinion on anyone else.

I've always wondered; if the bible is so clear in its so-called teachings, why is there so many denominations, each of which has its own interpretation. Either the bible isn't clear or the various denominations are putting their own interpretation on the teachings. They doing that, effectively renders their denomination - if not the whole bible - irrelevant.


I didn't need to be in my 60s, before I woke up. Probably later than some people, well obviously later than some. However. I have just recalled a time in my 40s when I had awakened. Possibly not the first time. I had occasion to see my best mate naked. I was there in his house with he and his SO.

Still in the back of my mind was the suppressed desire to jump into bed with his SO, I saw his cock and knew I wanted to play with it. Curiosity to experience wanking him and not thinking about sucking. When he saw me looking at his cock. He turned slightly to prevent me seeing him. I knew then not to suggest it. And I've just realised, that's likely the reason behind my not feeling able to mention my curiosity for fear it would end our friendship. I suppose he had then given me his answer. I'd forgotten about that occasion.

 

@Bazz888, your second sentence is the way those of us in the know say about the restrictions. All it takes is for a newbie to get sucked off by a guy or to find himself with a mouthful of warm cum to realize that religions... are full of it as far as this being evil is concerned. Even in my youthful awakening, I had asked, "How can something everyone says is so bad feel so good?" All that fire and brimstone religion my elders were preaching, all of a sudden, didn't mean anything. "Public opinion" didn't mean a whole lot since nothing they said against things homosexual changed a damned thing.

Anita Bryant went on a global rampage against homosexuality and all she really did was pique the curiosity of a lot of men and women who decided to check it out... because how bad could it be? She was trying to "preach the gospel" during the Sexual Revolution and Summer of Love and while her bible thumping had people cowering while holding their own bibles, other were... getting their new freak on because they found, as I did, that the answer to my question was, "It feels good because it's supposed to."

It was the solution to some problems a lot of people had; so many learned about affection and intimacy and in ways that further changed the way they looked at themselves as well as love, sex, and relationships. For some, it was their first sexual experience and one that made regular boy/girl sex feel so vanilla and by rote and without real passion. And for us guys, in our much older ages, it's a solution to a problem that should have been handled decades ago but yeah - better late than never.

I once asked a guy who was about to get his first male blowjob, "Who are you going to believe? Me or all that crap people say against what I'm about to do to you?"

He believed me.

 

I've been a party to several conversations recently where the subject of human orientation has come up. What I hear is not this person or that person is a good friend and it left at that. But the good friend is also an alphabet person. By alphabet I do not mean it in a derogatory sense but simply using what has been established as the label. My point is if anyone partakes in any type of same sex relationships they are also labeled as such. Strictly straight humans do not have the connotation attached in conversation. Those who are admittedly open to their sexual and relationship boundaries are labeled and put into the alphabet category as a identifying but accepting point. As such it might be said "He's a good friend of mine. He's gay, but still a nice guy." And then as the original title to this thread refers, aging bi men have an extra dilemma as they were looked upon previously as straight but may disappoint, surprise, confuse, or otherwise befuddle friends and family if they are found to have had sex with other men. They're only defense in this is to keep the activity completely private or as said "behind closed doors".

 

A guy I knew got outed (I don't remember how) and everyone who knew his was losing their minds about him getting busy with a guy. I knew it was like his third experience, and I thought it was fucked up that the guy he sucked off had ratted him out like that. Everyone voiced great surprise and disappointment over him not being as straight as they thought he was and, of course, accused him of being totally gay and being aware of how those people reacted to his situation, while a damned shame, taught me some stuff about what people think and how fucked up they can get when they somehow learn that what they think isn't the truth of a given situation.

Bi guys have almost always shocked the shit out of friends and family because they think he's 100% straight and, well, he isn't even though they think that he is - and should be - because of the social conditioning we get re what men do and what men should not ever do and especially to never even think about having sex with a man - there are plenty of women who would give you their body openly and freely and all that pie-in-the-sky shit that doesn't really match the reality of life.

"Why didn't you tell me?" is one of those questions that, for a lot of bi guys who get outed, answers itself and more so when the person asking is having a major hissy fit and, um, if you listen to yourself, you'll know why I didn't tell you.

So, somewhere way back in our history, a line was drawn between heterosexual and homosexual, which was just a continuance of "us versus them" and "If you're not like us, you're against us and it's gonna suck to be you" that's been a part of human behavior since humans existed. Religion comes along and starts that centuries-long smear campaign against homosexuality (but actually for a good reason) and, well, if you're alive, you've heard the shit that's said about homosexuals - and a lot of that dumb shit got shunted over to bisexuals and, I think, once society got its head handed to it because homosexuals won the right to be treated like everyone else - read that as straight people mostly - and ever since society started shitting on bisexuals - and bisexual males in particular - all society did was to take all of the angst toward homosexuals and replaced "homosexual" with "bisexual" and straight people are acting all weird and wondering why they don't have a "Straight Pride Day" or whatever and that just exposes their cluelessness because if society was hating on heterosexuals like it does the other sexualities, they'd understand why there are Pride events for everyone who isn't straight.

Older men are supposed to know better and, as a matter of fact, once a guy becomes an adult, he's supposed to know better and especially if, by chance, he, um, experimented in his youth which is excusable if, upon reaching adulthood, he leaves that shit behind and spend the rest of his life chasing women and pussies and never, ever change a thing... which only tells those of us who are in the know that the people making this assumption - and that includes religion - are totally ignorant as to how human nature and social interaction can change things and since they are, bi guys are pretty much forced to be on the down low and keeping their same-sex activities behind closed doors.

If you hear, "You don't look like the type!" enough, yep, you not only get sick and tired of hearing it but you start to wonder (a) what the type looks like and (b) why do people say that and the answer are (c) the type equals homosexual and (d) people create their own impression about you so you look straight unless it's discovered that you aren't and... you don't look like the type. The problem remains, even for us older bi guys - or older guys looking to jump into the pool - is that if we've done things in the straight way for all of this time, we shouldn't and cannot ever change. If the wife gives up on sex and other intimacies, well, it sucks to be you, doesn't it? But I have known for a very long time that guys who get cut off from sex and intimacy with women can and will, invariably, turn to men for those things. Usually for sex only but other emotional things are possible if a guy wants to explore them and while our society does, in fact, have awareness of this, it's easier for society to keep its head buried in the sand and for the people in societies to hold true to the religious teaching that are obviously heterosexually biased and, therefore, inaccurate as to the reality of human sexual behavior but I've always felt that those who created religion and the prohibition/taboo against homosexuality knew about this behavior in men and women and sought to squash it...

And utterly failed to. It goes back to my question of how old you have to be in order to know and realize that what you were taught about sex and sexuality is pretty much a lie since, yeah, "He's a good friend of mine; he's gay but a nice guy."? Replace "gay" with "bi" and... the attitude doesn't change and the biggest shock to one's system is to find out that they've believed that "Tom" is and always has been straight and, well, now they know he isn't. Let the shock, awe, disappointment, etc., begin and it's Tom's fault that they've been believing something about him that wasn't true - and because people are habitually known to not react well to hearing that heterosexual Tom is - and has been - bisexual Tom - well, it's Tom fault that he didn't tell them and like he was supposed to even though Tom was 99% sure that if he told someone, let the hatred of Tom begin.

All of this lends itself to men getting older and not giving a fuck about what anyone has to say about them - and that includes their sexuality. Stay out of my business and we'll get along just fine and don't ask me any questions that you really don't want to know the answer to. If you're in your late 50s-early 60s and you have that "I don't give a fuck" attitude about your sexuality, good for you; if you're of this age and worried about what everyone is going to say about you if they find out that you like to have sex with guys as well as the ladies, well, hmm. You're still very much mindfucked into behaving this way and, as such, forced to remain heterosexual even though human nature is telling you that you aren't all that heterosexual.

 

Sorry about that long-assed thing, by the way, but it has to be put out there for everyone's consideration because it's still important to be able to understand why things work the way they do... and some of the ways things can work is pretty juvenile and puerile and downright prudish...

 

KDaddy23:

Once again, yet again, another thoroughly OUTSTANDING (and most educational and thought-provoking response.......just tell it like it is, my good friend........, and always remember the following: "The Truth Shall Set You Free"......"No Lie Can Live Forever"...................

 

There is always the way it's supposed to be and how people deal with this; then, there's the way it can be and if someone wants to find out about this. There is always what someone thinks about the way it's supposed to be and that thinking is artificially biased toward heterosexuality even when there's more than enough proof that heterosexuality isn't the only thing we can be and embrace. It is proven that outside influences can change what we think about sex and sexuality as well as changing our behaviors and, if for no other reason, the sex can be all that and then some because it's new and, oh, yeah, it's forbidden but damn... getting some pussy is still good but getting some dick to go along with it can open one's eyes to the reality of sex and sexuality and, indeed, the whole world around them.

The lie that everyone has to be heterosexual continues to live, by the way...

 

And I'll ask again: How old do you have to be in order to find out and know about this reality? To understand that the way we're conditioned to think blinds us to the reality that's been in our faces all along? Does one have to get into their so-called golden years to be able to find out that sucking cock would be an amazing thing to do or, um, what's it feel like to be fucked in the ass - and then finding out what it's like? How old do you have to be in order to be totally true to yourself and not keep being fucked up by what other people think - and knowing that they're still believing a lie?

 

One MIGHT think, that, by the time a mature man SHOULD BE "mature" enough to cast bullshit aside, come to grips with his bisexual desires, and simply follow his natural inclinations.....you MIGHT just think that NOW his common sense will triumph over society's narrow-minded bullshit..........

 

But that's not what happens, is it? A lot of guys get to be 45-50 and only then, the "common sense" of being bisexual hits them and they find themselves in that "why didn't I do this before now" mode of frustration when it's not his desires that may have had him sitting on the bench but his adherence to social norms - chase a girl, catch her, fall in love with her, marry her, have babies with her - tends to override the common sense of sexuality and sets aside other sexual desires for more social norms. Common sense says, "Hey, um, if you wanna suck Harold's cock - and Harold's been staring at your boner print and drooling - then that's what y'all should do!"

Except the way it's supposed to be overrides desires and the common sense that goes with them. Just look at how many guys from 50-60 who are just now finding out that getting some dick isn't all that bad and, to make it "worse," they knew that it wouldn't be bad because, logically, cocksucking makes sense (thanks gay guys!) but because they stayed the course with the social norms dictating what they can and can't do, well, there you have it. Then you factor in all the social bullshit guys hear about being bisexual - and the associated horror stories - and you'd think that common sense would prevail, but it doesn't, well, not until a guy actually takes the plunge and... why the fuck didn't I do this before now?

It begs the question of, "Should you have done this before now?" Now we're talking about if you knew then what you know now, sure - when Harold asked if he could suck your cock, you would have said yes instead of running away in fear - and that's exactly what you were supposed to do. Now you're older and able to see how our social norms just overrode your innate common sense and, yeah - please tell me how old you have to be to see the reality and the common sense of it?

 

.....I think the numbers would indeed be quite impressive, regarding how many "straight" guys literally lusted for m/m sex since their teen years, but (again thanks to the asine "taboos" launched by an all-too-narrow-minded society) were far too fearful of seeking out, for fear of either being discovered or, too afraid ANY m/m encounter would turn them gay.

Sad.................

 

Should they have done what those raging, insane, hormones might have been telling them to do when puberty showed up? Probably but the social conditioning and taboos were too strong for some to set aside for the rather simple sexual pleasure of getting a blowjob and that being heightened by giving one - but your interest in girls hasn't gone anywhere or, yeah, you find that you really ain't feeling girls but Harold over there? Definitely feeling him! How many guys felt this way back in their early teens, knew they should have had sex with a guy and now he's spending the next 40 to 50 years regretting that he didn't - and couldn't - because of our social norms - again? Or he didn't because he believed the bullshit that if he had sex with another boy, he would turn into a sissy faggot?

But his common sense is telling him that he won't turn into a sissy faggot so why not do what your body wants you to do? Would you go ahead and let Harold blow you if you knew that, one day, you'll be in your 60s and wondering why you didn't let Harold suck you off?

And now, he's much later in life and only now does the whole having sex with a dude thing... makes all the sense in the world and... why didn't I? Or he's baffled because of all the talk about being homoromantic when all he wants to be able to do is get his rocks off with another guy (and without catching the clap) and his common sense is trying to clear and show the way and... he's sitting on the bench and waiting on something that may not appear in his remaining lifetime?

 

TMI